Gentle Disregard

Gentle- easily handled or managed

Disregard - to pay no attention to; leave out of consideration; ignore

I used to have a friend that was a POWERHOUSE of "personality plus!"

She was determined, confident, had strong leadership capabilities and she was very persuasive. She could probably sell a blind man a book! She was a force to be reckoned with!

So with that description in mind, I will call my friend "Katrina" (not her real name).

Katrina was the "life of the party" and she always was the one throwing the parties. She had hospitality down to a fine art...and was darn good at it!

I spent several years working on projects that Katrina was heading up. For all her glorious capabilities, she was a bear to work for!

She was also a perfectionist, impatient, and temperamental. The kind of person no one wants to work with.

I eventually saw her opportunities to serve and volunteer sort of get side-lined and those projects began getting assigned to new people.

She was hurt and confused as to why the sudden changes...as no one had ever mentioned having a problem with her (at least not to HER.)

There was a time when someone would ask me to work on a project, and much to my shame, my first question was, "Is Katrina working on this project?" If she was, I would look for other opportunities to volunteer. I did not want to work with her. It was hard, very unpleasant, as I felt I could never please her...and she was impatient...I tend to work slower than most.

There even came a time when my best friend and I began to use the term "Katrina-ed" as a word to describe someone who had been passed over for a promotion, set aside, or generally disregarded or ignored.

When a friend did not get the audition she was going for, or the promotion she thought she had, we would say, "I'm sorry you got Katrina-ed".

So in other words, to be gently disregarded meant that you got "Katrina-ed"

Boy, this sounds much WORSE now that I am actually reading about my harsh behavior!
YIKES!!

But as sowing and reaping is a law of the universe, it comes back to bite you!

I recently encountered a situation where there was a mass call for volunteers. I volunteered.

My husband later explained how the situation would be handled and that the committee wanted to go another way with how they would use volunteers. He was gently letting me know they did not need my help.

My first thought was , "OH NO! I've been Katrina-ed!!"

I started feeling guilty about my old friend Katrina. I almost felt sorry for her! Then a really disturbing concern came over me....had I become the NEW Katrina?

OH NO!!

Is there a way to deprogram this awful effect?
Had I offended someone and they never told me?

Will I forever be gently disregarded or "Katrina-ed" in this place? Have I been "retired" as being no longer useful?

WOW...I feel the need to apologize and seek forgiveness from my old friend. Does anyone know how or where I can find Katrina anymore?

I owe her an apology and a hug...

Dawn

Timeless Friendship

I was seven years old when I walked into Mrs. Webber's 2nd grade class in 1977. We had just moved to Austin from Plano, Texas and I did not know a soul in the world at this new school.

Her name was Tracy. She was the first child in the class to reach out to me with a gesture of friendship...and at 7 years old, who knew the friendship would carry us all the way through high school graduation!

It is notable that the friendship stayed strong for so long, but what is more notable is the circumstances in which that friendship grew. I moved a lot as a child so I went to several different schools growing up, yet Tracy and I always kept in touch. She lived in the same house at graduation as she did when I met her in second grade! To this day I still remember the phone number I had memorized at 7 years old...

So for all of my moving around, Tracy was always in the same place and I knew where to find her. And we never went to the same school after 5th grade...but we were as close as sisters ever could be...she was that kind of friend!

It seems after graduation from high school that our paths crossed less and less...and then I went off to College Station and she went off to college too...and somehow we just lost touch.

I had though about her many times over the years.

Several years ago my mom (an avid reader of the death notices in the newspapers of DFW and Austin) called me and let me know that she had read a notice that Tracy's mother had died. The newspaper had Tracy's married name listed and I made a bee line for the telephone to call the funeral home and see if I could get a message to Tracy.

I was desperate to contact her and share my condolences. But I never made the connection with her.

So a few more years past and I looked her up on classmates.com and would leave her email messages. But if the person you are writing is not a paid subscriber they do not get to READ the messages.

I was getting no where quickly in my attempts to find my long lost friend Tracy.

Tonight I was sitting at my desk closing down my work for the week -- this had been deadline week on the newspaper and I was ready for the weekend! I was logging out of work and onto my favorite vegging out computer game...time for some fun!

My cell phone rang (business cell) and I looked at the number, unknown area code so I figured it was a business call and debated whether to answer it.... I just lost the game on the computer, so I opted to answer the phone call.

"Hello?"

"May I speak with Dawn?"

"This is Dawn."

"Dawn this is Tracy. " (She said her last name and quickly followed it with her maiden name!)

You should have heard the shrill squeal as I shouted,"Oh my goodness!"

My mom came from the other room thinking there was something wrong as I was tripping over myself trying to get to the other room to make sure I heard the person on the phone correctly!

IT WAS TRACY!!

After several years of leaving a message for her at classmates.com, I guess she became a member and was finally able to read my messages and I had left my phone number!

You would have never known that 20 years had elapsed since the last time we saw each other or spoke on the phone! It was as if time just dissolved away 20 years of distance and our conversation picked up where we left off 20 years ago as if no time had passed at all!

I found myself sharing things with Tracy that I have shared with few friends. Talking with her was as comfortable and natural to me as it was almost 31 years ago when we first met!

We talked for hours tonight! I am so excited I can hardly sleep!

She invited me to come spend a weekend with her in Colonial Williamsburg, Virginia!
I told her I would look into the cost of flights and see if we can plan a weekend reunion in the Spring!

I am just giddy!!!!

I found my long-lost friend and truly learned that a real friendship is TIMELESS!

Love, Dawn