He Makes Me Lie Down in Green Pastures...And Walk on Water!

You gotta love life lessons!! Brad and I, almost a lifetime ago, when we lived in Temple, Texas, heard a wonderful pastor preach a message on the 23rd Psalm. There was one part of that message that stuck with us through our 17 years of marriage, and a point that we often use to remind each other when we are burning the candle at both ends--to the excess of danger.

This pastor made the point of noting that God did not suggest we lay down in green in pastures, or even invite us to lie down in green pastures... it says He will make us to lie down in green pastures!

Well...I was benched by God this last week as I was made to lie down in green pastures!! This is the kind of time-out we all need! I feel much more refreshed and renewed now, but I can already hear the wheels of my mind clicking away at what all I can accomplish now that I am refreshed....... one step forward, two steps back!

I will share a bit about the week that got me side-lined, benched, put in time-out:

I had been putting off the inevitable. It was time for another trip to see the Lyme specialist in Louisiana. This is very much a bitter-sweet trip. I love the "get away" aspect of the trip, but I really struggle physically with the 5 hour journey. A long trip like that in August was not at the top of my "things to do this summer" list!

I always take a travel buddy with me on these trips if Brad cannot come along. This has been a real blessing in the event I need help with driving. And the conversation/company is always uplifting!

This trip my friend Randi and her son Robert came along with me. We looked at this is our mini-summer vacation.

About the time we arrived in Shreveport, the AC in the van started making an awful noise and stopped cooling...we still had 2 hours to arrive at our destination, and then 5 hours on the trip home. I was stressing over the AC situation as heat really aggravates the Lyme symptoms and some of the meds cause a heat sensitivity that blisters the skin. But I figured I was in Louisiana and my appointment with Dr. F was the next morning, so there was no better place on earth at that moment to be!

My friend Randi is an intercessor extraordinare! She began praying for cloud cover...and the next morning God mercifully provided us with cloud cover!

My appointment with Dr. F was good and informative. He ran some tests, questioned me relentlessly on some issues of memory, cognitive function and mental processing. He sent me off for more lab work and then had Randi and I wait in his office for him to bring the results.

After the last fiasco with the doctor at home, I have decided to bring a family member or friend to each office visit to make sure there is a witness to what is being said and make sure things are being understood. So Randi and I sat there waiting for the test results.

Dr. F. returned and let me know that I have an overload of neuro-toxins in my brain. The antibiotics are doing their job well and killing the lyme bacteria, but in doing so, the critters release a toxin when they die and the toxins are remaining in my brain causing a worsening of my cognitive functions, thinking processes, ability to concentrate, and all that other brain-kind-of-stuff. How is that for a technical, medical definition!

At the same time he was explaining all the information about the neuro-toxins to me, he was telling me how shocked he was that I was able to continue doing my work with the newspaper. He said there is no medical reason to explain why I should be able to function at that level. He mentioned that on my last visit as well...so it got me to thinking.

By all medical standards and test results, I should not be functioning at the level I am functioning--much less be able to continue to manage a home based business and publish the newspaper. Yet, it seems to me that THAT is the time when I feel most cognitively alert and lucid...when I am perched in front of my computer working on the newspaper.

I notice a distinct difference in my cognitive functions in other pursuits! I cannot read a book! I simply cannot comprehend what I am reading or concentrate enough to follow the plot. I miss reading! Yet, when I sit down to write, or edit articles for the newspaper, my brain is sharp and in tact--like a well oiled machine.

I rarely watch TV anymore because I cannot keep up with the story line, characters, plots, etc...much like the problem with reading--the concentration is just not there...**BUT** when I sit down to have a quiet time or Bible study-- it is as if my brain is functioning at 100%.

It seems like those are the only 2 activities I do where I feel like my brain works normally.

The more I thought about it, the more amazed I was! I wonder if this is what Peter felt like when he was walking on the water? The laws of gravity perfectly explain why a human being cannot possibly walk on water...yet, at the request of Jesus who bid him to come walk on the water, Peter WALKED ON THE WATER!!

Sure, Peter seems to get the short end of the stick as most people use him as a sermon example of chastisement on what happens when you lose faith or take your eyes off the Lord, but I am still in AWE that of all the disciples...Peter is the ONLY one who WALKED ON WATER!!! No other disciple can make that claim!

If there is one thing I am absolutely certain, it is that God gave me the gift of writing and has specifically asked me to use it to bring hope to the people of the Lyme disease community, to give Lyme doctors a place to publish their research and treatment protocols, to spread the latest research and news regarding treatments, testing, etc... to help others avoid the pitfalls of their disease reaching the chronic state.

I feel like God has called me to write and publish this newspaper...and I feel like I AM WALKING ON WATER! Nothing gives me greater joy than to have a conversation with my Bible-believing, Jesus-loving Lyme doctor who shows me that "the empirical evidence of the test results show that you should not be able to do what you are clearly doing!"

And as we pass that knowing smile across the desk to each other, all that is left to say before we leave the office is "Praise God!"

So there you have it! PRAISE GOD!!

oh...and for those who wanted to know the rest of the crazy week....well it was humorous to say the least...I arrived home late Monday night to find that the AC at HOME had also gone out. So once I looked at the calendar and realized all that I had to do that week: I had the community Lyme film screening that coming Saturday, school shopping to do for the kids, & deadline for the newspaper, I quickly added an AC van repair to the list ASAP, while Brad attended to the work involved in getting the AC at home fixed (which ultimately ended up in the entire unit in the attic having to be replaced!). The AC did not get fixed until Thursday evening, so I ended up going to a hotel for one night to escape the heat and spent a few nights at Randi's house...where God MADE me lie down in green pastures!

Randi's home brought great rest and relaxation...it was very peaceful! I came back home refreshed, and to a cool home!! AND.....I made the newspaper deadline after all!

Now we can move forward with the other issues we discovered while fixing the house AC...the water that was leaking from the attic caused some water damage to the ceiling, we discovered a water leak (unrelated) in the front yard...so we are now ready to face these challenges...and our humor is still in tact (even if our finances are not! LOL!)

...But hey! I am walking on water! The waves that are crashing about me are no match for the One who is calling my name to come walk with Him on the Sea....

So if you see me starting to go down in the weeks or months ahead...please don't chastise me. Just rejoice with me that I DID and **AM** walking on water!!

Love, Dawn

The Comical Irony of It All....

Have you noticed the latest trend in "environmentally friendly" green efforts?

I have recently noticed the fabric bags at Walmart that say, "Paper or Plastic? NEITHER."

Now I have to admit...I have really been working to find ways to be more resourceful and less wasteful, so I thought this was a really clever idea...besides, I got tired of being bombarded by rogue walmart bags every time I opened a cabinet and immediately became assaulted by plastic bags.

THIS was the perfect solution!

So last week, I purchased 3 bags with my groceries. This week I went back and purchased 2 more.

I arrived at the check out stand and the woman asked me if I wanted paper or plastic...so I thought I would clever and say "NEITHER. I'd like 2 eco-bags."

I wish I had taken my phone out to take a photo of what happened next...no one believes me!

But the woman took 2 of the eco-bags folded them up and placed them in a PLASTIC bag! LOL!

I did not want to seem rude, so I tried to hide my confused look and took my plastic bags of groceries to my van where I tool the eco-bags out and re-loaded my groceries....and there I was STILL with these nuisances of plastic bags!! Some days you just cant win! LOL!

Dawn

The Merry-Go-Round Makes me frustrated and dizzy!

It was just a month ago when I went to the doctor and left with the news:

"This surgery is not elective, it is life and death."

"If we don't get this fixed, you will not be here this time next year."

This last month since this doctor's visit was an emotional roller coaster!

This past monday Brad called the doctor's office to get their help with dealing with the insurance company since, after speaking with the surgeon I was referred to, we found out that the insurance was refusing any and all treatment for the surgery. Even thought it was "life and death" according to the referring physician."

So trying to get our doctor's office to help with the insurance situation, we called and explained what we needed them to do. The nurse sounded confused. She did not understand where I got the idea of only having 12 months to live. So she spoke with the doctor and asked for both Brad and I to come in and go over everything today.

She entered the room and front the start apologized profusely that there had been a misunderstanding. She asked to tell her what I thought she had communicated to me. So I repeated word-for-word, her quotes to me:

"This surgery is not elective, it is life and death."

"If we don't get this fixed, you will not be here this time next year."

She apologized again and said that she had really only meant to stress the urgency and drive the point home that the weight and metabolic issues were the top priority.

She then went on to completely dismiss the Lyme diagnosis and said she really did not want to even go there with any discussions. She said the doctor in Louisiana has taken care of that and she is here to take care of the rest of the problems--the real problems.

So I questioned her..."Can being overweight cause hearing loss and vision loss?" (of course, I already knew the answer to that! I was just wanting to make a point!)

"Can being overweight cause a loss of and/or diminished reflexes?"

"Can being overweight cause bacteria to grow in blood cultures and give false positives on a lyme test?"

Her response was...that being overweight was causing problems with my thyroid, hypothalmus, and pituitary gland.

My frustration was growing at this point and I could see we were getting no where. So I just needed to shut up and accept her opinion that my weight is my only issue.

Still trying to get her to at least acknowledge that a persistent INFECTION in the body could cause all of these systems to go awry. So I asked her, "So you think that the Lyme is really a non issue? You think I should not go back to Louisiana?"

Again, being very guarded and careful, she said, "I really don't want to go there with you, but I would like for you to really consider that possibility." (of not returning to Louisiana for further treatment.)

Her mind is made up. My problem is that I am overweight and that is the source of all my medical issues...well, except for the hearing loss, vision loss, absent reflexes, seizure disorder that is detected on EEG, meniere's vertigo, hypercoagulation, and a whole laundry list of other ailments that she cannot explain.

She actually said that if I could lose the weight "the Lyme disease would go away!!"

If only.....

You see, I have been down this path! And I will keep going just to show good faith...

...but in 1985 I lost 35 pounds on Norwell diet center program. I felt better temporarily. I was an active athlete and involved in both tennis and cheerleading at school. I was active...but that did not stop the progressive joint and muscle problems, or the siezures.

...in 1987 I lost 15 pounds on a brown rice diet. That did not help the fatigue, muscle pain or any of the other symptoms.

...in 1994 I lost 30 pounds doing the Susan Powter diet...but still the fatigue was overwhelming and when I wasn't in school, or working out, I was sleeping...constantly.

...in 1998 I lost 50 pounds on the Atkins diet...all the while getting sicker, more fatigued, and emotionally becoming a basket case, irritable, and having major "female issues"...none was alleviated by the weight loss.

...in 2002 I started the First Place diet program...and after following the rules to a T...and 3 months later having lost only 7 pounds....I just gave up. I was sooo sick at that time, it was when I first started entertaining the thought of putting the kids in public school. I had recently been through 4 miscarriages during that time as well....so I knew something was wrong. I had this positive Lyme test, but the doc said it was a false positive because "we don't have Lyme in Texas."

...and it was 3 more YEARS of failing health, 3 more miscarriages, and a second positive Lyme test that made me start demanding some answers. I had been so fatigued that I was sleeping 16-18 hours a day. I finally put the kids in school. I was not even able to handle a 8am - Noon bible study program...I simply was no longer functioning.

I have now been on long term antibiotic therapy for almost 3 years now. My Lyme specialist felt he could get me into remission within 3-5 years of therapy. I am now at a place where I can sleep 8 +/- hours a day, with an occasional nap for good measure. I run an entire home based business, with more than 10 workers across the country, and have national distribution for a newspaper I publish from home (where I can work in my pajamas if I need to!) I have been able to add a significant income increase to our family and help with medical bills or whatever need arises.

Now this local doctor, who just a month ago, for the sake of "driving home a point" had me literally believing her "life and death" and "you wont be here this time next year" exaggerations--just to make a point-- that weight loss is my only real health issue I need to worry about-- she now wants me to seriously consider not going back to Louisiana for further Lyme treatment...

...and end up back where I was 3 years ago?
No thank you...that is no life at all!

I'd rather be on antibiotics the rest of my life, if it means I will continue to get better and re-gain my life... THIS is LIVING.... THIS is LIFE.

For me to do what she is suggesting, to forget the Lyme and move on-- would only land me in a physical condition of regression that would make we WISH that a 12 month life expectancy was days away from being completed...

The way doctor's think..... it can be frightening at times! Especially when they already have in their minds the solution to a problem and can consider no other probability....

It is a blessing of GOD that we hear his voice and can follow Him. I am thankful that I have a God fearing, bible-believing, Jesus-loving Lyme specialist who prays for his patients as well as medically treating them!

I'd place my odds being much better in those hands, than in the local doc!

Thanks for listening to my vent!

Dawn