Standing at the Gates, Looking at the Ruins

I recently received a very precious, precious gift. It is not one that I can display on a shelf, or hang in a place of honor in my home—it was a far more treasured a gift than that… it was a healing of a wounded spirit.

I attended college at the University of Mary Hardin-Baylor in Belton, Texas (UMHB). The campus has an extremely rich historical heritage. I remember soaking in all the UMHB Crusader history with great pride. I knew from the day I stepped foot on the campus that I would be a Crusader forever! I would almost believe that if you cut me I would bleed purple and gold!

One of my favorite places on the campus was the Luther Memorial which we simply called “the ruins”. Ions ago there was a building called Luther Hall that had caught fire and all that was left was the bell tower and the multiple archway entrances. These “ruins” were preserved and made into a memorial that has become a campus icon for generations. The Easter pageant is held at the ruins. Weddings have been held at the ruins. When you think UMHB—you think “the ruins!”

The ruins signify a once tragic event in the life of the university—a gaping wound in the history and the heart of the UMHB heritage….. And yet, it is beautiful.

The precious gift I received recently came in the form of an invitation. I was invited to come back to UMHB and speak to their school of Journalism. They wanted to hear from an Alumnus who had once been editor of the UMHB school newspaper, The Bells, and had gone on to continue work in the newspaper and journalism profession.

As I arrived on campus, one of the first things I did was to seek out the ruins! I love the ruins! Oddly though, another one of the campus iconic landmarks had been moved and now sort of “framed” the ruins. It made the most beautiful photo for any UMHB fan! So I was standing at the gates looking at the ruins and I was struck with the irony of what had brought me to this place.

I thought it was rather ironic that my field of study while at the university was actually in Social Work, not journalism—though journalism had been my first choice. At that time, the school did not have a journalism department. Social Work just seemed fitting. There has always been an advocate inside of me—it is in the fabric of my being. I would just go about my goals through the avenue of the Social Work department and spend my time volunteering on the school’s newspaper and yearbook until such a time came when the editor’s position was available and I was hired for the job. This satisfied that desire for journalism in my life, even though I knew a journalism degree would not be at the end of the journey.

So there I was standing at the gates of UMHB looking on the ruins. The thoughts of being invited to speak to the school’s journalism department flooded me with emotions. I was so excited that the dream I had once wanted was now available to future students, and there was a sense of Crusader pride that just welled up inside me. But the irony of how I actually ended up in the field of journalism kept pervading my thoughts. There is just no other word but irony that describes the situation…and it was the very reason UMHB invited me back to speak to this new generation of journalists: my newspaper publication The Public Health Alert, and by association Lyme disease.

Again, staring at the ruins of UMHB, I realized it was the ruins of my own life that brought me back to this place. It was the devastation and destruction of Lyme disease and realizing what others were going through—and then with the social work training, the advocate inside did all I could do, under the circumstances. I took the journalism skills I had learned in junior high and high school, and fine tuned while being the editor of the UMHB Bells, and arose from the ashes, much like a phoenix and created the PHA to help Lyme patients and their medical providers have a platform to share information, without outside interference.

Much like UMHB’s ruins signified a tragedy of the past, I am finding that the ruins of what Lyme has done in my life, though it has had it’s tragic moments, is also becoming the very thing that people are now being drawn to, and are finding beauty in—much like the Luther Memorial at UMHB.

I find when I tell my Lyme story, when I reflect on all that Lyme has done in my life—both good and bad—there is a far deeper story than what you see by simply meeting me. My story tells the story of many others…multitudes of others! My story also shows the faithfulness of God, still sovereign and moving in a modern generation. My story tells of a tenacious doctor willing to put his patients above politics and practice the oath he took when he became a physician—to first do no harm—even when it put him squarely in the middle of a medical controversy. He chose the patients health over his personal concern over the controversy of his decisions. Because of his medical choices I am still walking. I thank him and God for that. Because of his bold medical decisions and persistence to go the distance, I am no longer bed-ridden, but will be attending graduate school in 8 weeks. I can thank God and Dr. Forester for that. My story encompasses their stories. I find there is much to reflect on.

This is the time of year where reflecting on life is very important to me. There is something about the holiday seasons that cause a lot of reflection and introspection. That can be both good and bad. The contents of this particular issue of the PHA reflect that perfectly. We see great strides with ILADS advancing their physicians training program at the same time we mourn the tragic loss of a tremendous Lyme patient advocate Leslie Wermers. I think of Leslie’s sister, Tracie Schissle, and how the holidays must be bearing down on her -- and in my heart I know Leslie’s desire for Tracie is to rise like a phoenix out of the ashes and continue down the path of advocacy the two close-knit sisters had put their heart and soul into for hope of a brighter tomorrow for Lyme disease patients everywhere.

I reflect on my own life. I remember closing out the 2007 year this time last year and my daughter surviving her coma that was brought on by a Lyme induced case of Meningitis. This year of 2008 had its own share of trials and tribulations, but I have seen the best progress of my Lyme treatment this year and I am simply amazed.

Last year I was contemplating launching a Christian newspaper. In November of 2008 I did it! By the end of January 2009 we should have it out in hard copy! Last year I was accepted to graduate school, but was unable to attend. This year my classes start in early January! I am just weeks away from realizing that dream!

I think of all the controversy that surrounds the IDSA vs. ILADS treatment protocols, and I cannot imagine where I would be right now if I had just accepted the measly 6 weeks of antibiotics and learned to deal with what the IDSA called “the aches and pains of daily living.” I personally think not being able to walk and not having full use of my legs is a tad bit more than the average “aches and pains of daily living”… but I digress!

I thank God for Dr. Jonathan Forester in Pineville, Louisiana who has been able to medically treat my/our Lyme disease, and pray with me and my family. He has been a very integral part of giving us back our lives and health. I can without a doubt say, that had we not found him when we did, I would not be alive today. He literally saved my life, and that of my family. I owe a debt of gratitude to Dr. Forester that I can never repay.

My hope for you, the readers and friends of the PHA, is that as you look at the ruins of your own life, you will find the strength, like the phoenix, to rise from the ashes.

It is my prayer for you all that you will seek God as priceless gift this holiday season. He is the only one who can trade your ashes for beauty, your sorrow for joy…He can turn our mourning into dancing again. May God make the ruins of your life into a beautiful memorial that will draw people to you that you may testify to them, “look what my God has done for me!”