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A lot of things seem right in theory, but the reality is far more than you bargained for.
Grace is what we cling to and often our hearts cry out for justice. This can create a whole slew of mixed emotions. And yet, the truth of scripture is this: What does God require of you? To seek justice, love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. (Micah 6:8)
I was faced with a situation this week that rattled me to the core. It tested every ounce and strength of my faith. My heart was in instant conflict and I wrestled with the balance of justice and mercy. I lost precious hours of sleep wrestling with God in prayer just trying to make sense of what I was experiencing and observing.
My heart and mind raced. I searched my heart to remember passages of scripture to help me through this dilemma. I tried to recall stories of faithful people in Biblical history that could help me sort this all out.
I was drawn to the story of Saul (Paul) and Ananias in Acts chapter 9. Just days before Saul met Ananias, he was standing there holding the robes of the persecutors who were stoning Stephen to death. Saul led the crusade of persecution of Christ-followers in the early church. He was feared among the believers.
It just so happened that Jesus had a divine appointment with Saul on the road to Damascus that would forever change and define the life of Saul so much that God gave him a new name--Paul. He met Jesus in a very personal way, and in a moment his world was never the same.
Meanwhile, not far away God is speaking to the heat of Ananias. God tells him exactly where to go find Saul/Paul of Tarsus and that he is to lay hands on Paul's eyes and restore his sight.
I am almost certain there was an awkward moment of silence before Ananias said to God, "I have heard many reports about this man and all the harm he has done to your holy people in Jerusalem. And he has come here with authority from the chief priests to arrest all who call on your name."
Ok-- can we just agree that HAD to be an awkward conversation with God? I'm just trying to keep it real... AWKWARD!
God goes on to tell Ananias that Paul is His chosen person that He will use to proclaim the gospel to the Gentiles. I'm sure that awkwardness lingered in the air. I'm sure there was at least a momentary fear for his own life and safety-- but Ananias knew God and trusted HIM more than his own fear and trepidation.
In obedience, Ananias made his way to Paul and found him exactly where The Lord said he would be. I am in awe of the faith of Ananias. Of all the things he could have said to Saul, who had just ordered the execution of his brother in Christ... With God's grace and mercy, Ananias said, "Brother Saul, The Lord who appeared to you on the road as you were coming here, has sent me so that you may see again and that you may be filled with the Holy Spirit."
BROTHER Saul.... Oh, the grace and mercy and redemption that flow through those words... Brother Saul! Ananias received Saul, not as someone to be held at arms distance, but as one of our own-- a brother in Christ. Ananias knew that if God had told him to go, and that Saul was a chosen vessel to bring the gospel to the Gentiles-- then God did a work of transformation in Saul that was complete and trustworthy.
As I wrestle with the issues of mercy and justice this week, I am finding that God is bringing this story to fruition in this circumstance that I am facing -- in full living color-- as a reminder of what only God himself can do.
I watched a believer have a catastrophic moral fall this week. It had been going on for a while-- but it was exposed this week. Many people were wounded and devastated and the ramifications have ripple affects that are long-reaching. So far, there has been no remorse and no repentance. I think that is why my heart is demanding justice-- for all those in the wake of the devastation! But then my heart also truly wants to understand and have mercy-- was there some unknown reason that this person could not reach out for help before the problem escalated to this degree of damage?
At the end of the day, my heart is really at war with trying to reconcile just how to seek justice and love mercy... It's really not as black and white as it once seemed. Yet, like Ananias-- I know God well enough to know that His Holy Spirit will empower me to do the right thing-- even if understanding is far off, or even if it never comes at all.
The book of Romans tells us that it is God's kindness that leads us to repentance. Maybe, just maybe, if I can prayerfully extend kindness, this person's heart will be more tender toward God and the process of restoration and church discipline will be fully healing and restorative. Only God can transform their heart and give them the desire to make restitution to the people they harmed.
The more I ask God what my role in this is, He simply repeats back to me Micah 6:8: What does The Lord require of you? To seek justice, love mercy and walk humbly with your God.
It is never a far thought from my mind: There, but for the grace of God, go I.
Please keep us in prayer.... We have "miles to go before we sleep!"
Love, Dawn
