Me and My Drum: Hope for the Outcasts and Misfits

 

 

I recently told a friend, as we were in the middle of the Christmas season celebrations, that there were only two Christmas songs that ever moved me to the point of tears. The songs are O Holy Night and The Little Drummer Boy. Her head tilted sideways with a questioning look, and she said, “Really?” I could see her confusion about the latter song.

 

I explained the tears of both songs to her. As a counselor, I get a front-row seat for that moment when people experience the breakthrough from their struggles and truly experience that line, “long lay the world in sin and error pining, ‘til He appeared, and the soul felt its worth…”.  Daily I get to help people, and remind myself, that our worth is not bound up in self-esteem, but rather that we are image-bearers of God, regardless of our salvation state, as we are all created in the image of God; and therein is humanity’s worth. When Jesus is invited into our messes, our desperation, our dark nights of the soul, only then can we experience the tear-evoking line of O Holy Night, “…‘til He appeared, and the soul felt its worth…”.  That explanation made sense to my friend. But the Little Drummer Boy? It’s not even biblical! Or is it?

 

Having been a ministry wife since 1992 when Brad was the youth worship leader at our church, I’ve had another front-row seat to church life: the good, the bad, and the downright ugly. On the surface of most Christian churches, it is easy to spot those who are gifted in the church ministries. There are people who can sing in the choirs or worship team, those who can play instruments, those who can teach and work with children and youth, those who have a gift for rocking babies to sleep in nurturing arms in a nursery, those who cook meals for fellowship dinners, on and on it goes. It seems there is a place for everyone, but that is not always true. Especially if your gift is as odd as the Little Drummer Boy’s gift. It is just beneath the thin veneer of the surface of things, that many Christians find their gift as unwelcome or unneeded in the local church. Their inner-critic voice, just like the Little Drummer Boy, tells them, “I have no gift to bring that’s fit to give a King.” Instead of the melodic “Pa Rum Pum Pum Pum” in the song, many others hear the dark, intense music in descending major keys of “dun, dun, dun” with a sustaining tremor in the music, as if a jump scene in a horror flick is about to happen.

 

Does anyone else know what I am talking about? Or is it just me? I have one of those odd gifts that, when evaluated by most local churches would be cast off to the Island of Misfit Toys (to stick with the
Christmas theme in this article!) Are there any other outcasts, misfits, with odd gifts?  As I explained to my friend, when I hear the Little Drummer Boy, it does bring a tear to my eye when the songs says, “Shall I play for you, pa rum pum pum pum...On my drum? …. Then He smiled at me, pa rum pum pum pum, me and my drum!” That Little Drummer Boy makes every one of us Christians with an odd gift, feel the pleasure of God in what He has given us! And not like we belong on the Island of Misfit Toys. It melts my heart a little and makes me grateful for the way that God has gifted me. So, there you have it, O Holy Night and The Little Drummer Boy are the two Christmas songs that have ever made me cry.

 

God has gifted me the ability to discern and walk with the brokenhearted to care for their souls (their mind, their will, and their emotions.) He dropped me into a profession where I get to do that on a daily basis. He strengthens me for the difficult task to mourn with those who mourn and to rejoice with those who rejoice. I have devoted my life to serving God with the gift He has given me. Recently, I received some very devastating news that threatens the gift God gave me.

 

Let me back up the story a bit and explain. Around 2007 or 2008 I was given a diagnosis of Menieres Disease, which came about due to some of the complications of Lyme Disease. I was told that I was losing my hearing at an alarming rate. The doctor said if the rate of loss continued at the current rate at that time, I would likely be deaf by 2014. I was given hearing aids in 2008. I continued with my counseling degree program because we prayed and knew that was the path God called me to, for however long my hearing remained.  I began to see a counselor at the Deaf Action Council to help me with the transition of hearing loss. I told my counselor that I listen for a living. We began looking at some assisted technologies to help with safety issues at work that I experienced due to hearing loss, such as a flashing light in my office that let me know when someone entered the building because I could not hear the door chime.

 

For years, my hearing loss maintained at an 80% loss that was managed with hearing aids and lip reading. Over the last month, I have been experiencing extreme vertigo, to the point I could not safely drive. I had difficulty walking with the dizziness and the nausea was frequent. I began having the old and familiar ringing in my ears and the pressure was building behind my good ear. I went to the doctor, and they thought it might be an ear infection and put me on antibiotics. After 4-5 days of a 10-day round, there was no improvement. I was not sure it was an ear infection at all, but I did complete the medication. I called my audiologist to see if we could get a baseline hearing screening to compare with my last test. This test confirmed what I assumed was going on—a significant hearing loss in my good ear.

 

I’ve always believed I was given the gift of extra time where my hearing was concerned. I am now 8 years past when they first believed I would be completely deaf. My audiologist told me that I had a 20-decibel loss in my good ear. She said a normal loss for Meniere's disease would be a 5-10 decibel loss; so, a 20-decibel loss was quite significant. Her testing also concluded the hearing issue was not related to allergies or drainage, but rather an organic hearing loss likely to disease progression. This is not good news. I’ve always known this day may come when the loss begins to get worse again, but I was praying it would not return at all.

 

I listen for a living. Lately, hearing has become quite complicated. I am back to using assisted technologies to help in the counseling room, and in working with students. I know, in this season of Christmas, that our Immanuel, God with us, is ever close to my trembling heart. None of this has caught Him by surprise. It is only those moments when I hear Brad singing that this new reality hits me really hard. I am married to a musician. The thought that I may never hear him sing someday, is its own kind of grief deep in my heart. To never hear him say that he loves me again, those moments bring tears to my eyes.

 

The other day at church, while the worship team was practicing, I was praying and laying my fears down before the Lord. I was sharing my anxieties about what church would be like when I can no longer hear. I already struggle with not hearing and understanding the spoken message, it sounds like Charlie Brown’s teacher (mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah.) I remember telling God, “I don’t know what to do. I listen for a living.” And I recall that deep in my heart, I felt God respond with, “Your mistake is that you think the gift I’ve given you is to listen with your ears, but Dawn, I created you to listen with your heart.” I’ve been chewing on this since Sunday and meditating on what this means in the big picture. On one level, it may mean that God has no plans to restore my natural hearing, but there is a deeper level to the gift he has given me that I have yet to discover!

 

As I ponder this odd gift God has given me, the threat of losing all my natural hearing, and exploring the mystery of listening with my heart, I simply choose to praise God for the gift He has given me. I choose to trust Him in the way He has created me. Above all, I choose to trust that His plans and purposes for my life cannot be thwarted by the enemy. I am His. So, this odd gift that I have been blessed with, which often feels like I belong on the Island of Misfit Toys, is challenging me this Christmas season, to simply love, adore, and worship Him, just me and my “drum”.

 

I am reminded of an old worship song called Listen to Our Hearts:

 

How do you explain
How do you describe
A love that goes from East to West
And runs as deep as it is wide
You know all our hopes
Lord, You know all our fears
And words cannot express the love we feel
But we long for You to hear

So listen to our hearts
Hear our spirits sing
A song of praise that flows
For those You have redeemed
And we use the words we know
To tell you what an awesome God You are
But when words are not enough
To tell You of our love
Just listen to our hearts

If words could fall like rain
From these lips of mine
And if I had a thousand years
I would still run out of time
So if You listen to my heart
Every beat will say
Thank you for the Life
Thank you for the Truth
Thank you for the Way

 

Please pray with Brad and I about this new season of life and what ministry will look like as I seek to understand what it means to listen with my heart.

Discernment or Division? Understanding the Spiritual Gift of Discernment

The final message Jesus gave His disciples was simply this: do not depart from Jerusalem but wait for the promise of my Father. “You heard from me; for John baptized them with water, but you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit not many days from now” (Acts 1:4, NIV).

 

This command was imperative that we not function without the Holy Spirit. If Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8), then the same reason He told the disciples to wait is the same reason the church today should pause to make sure we are moving in step with the Spirit.

The Holy Spirit has given spiritual gifts to believers for the edification and building up of the church. I Corinthians 12:4-11 tells us this:

There are different gifts, but the same Spirit. There are different ministries, but the same Lord. There are different ways of working, but the same God works all things in all people. Now to each one, the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. To one there is given through the Spirit the message of wisdom, to another the message of knowledge by the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in various tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues. All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, who apportions them to each one as He determines.

For this article, I want to focus on the spiritual gift of discernment (or distinguishing) between spirits that the Holy Spirit sees fit to empower believers in the local churches for the health, wellness, edification, and building up of the church. This spiritual gift enables some believers to discern or distinguish spiritual matters between God, Satan, the world, and our flesh. As the passage above points out, the Holy Spirit gives these gifts to whomever He will. No believer will have all the gifts. They are provided at the discretion of the Spirit. For those who have been given the gift of discernment of spirits, it is often not understood or appreciated in the local church. And the worst-case scenario, the believers operating in this gift may be labeled as divisive for pointing out legitimate scriptural concerns. Much like the watchman on the wall sounds an alarm, the gift of discerning has been specifically given to protect and benefit the church. The gift of discerning between spirits is mentioned in 1 Corinthians 4:10. Hebrews 5:15, teaches, “But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil.” This indicates that all believers should be able to grow in basic discernment as they mature and grow in their spiritual senses. This is not the same as the spiritual gift of discerning between spirits given by the Holy Spirit.

When I consider this passage about discerning between good and evil, I think of two stark contrasting moments in the life of Peter. In Luke 9:18-20 (NIV) Jesus asks the disciples, “who do the crowds say I am?” The answers were varied. “Some say you are Elijah, some John the Baptist, and some say the prophets of old.” But Jesus makes it personal, “Who do you say that I am?” Peter firmly states, “You are God’s Messiah.” Only the Spirit of God could have revealed this to him. However, a few moments later, Jesus says to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God but merely human concerns” (Matthew 16:23). This rebuke is an excellent example of the discerning of spirits. Jesus was not saying that Peter was Satan—but rather, the Spirit that Peter was operating in was of demonic origins. Evil spirits can influence and manipulate believers unaware of the realities of spiritual warfare. Jesus pointed this out to Peter in no uncertain terms. What seemed harsh on the surface was merciful compassion, allowing Peter to become self-aware and to see that an evil spirit was influencing him. This story was an example of discerning spirits in action, and this was good.

 

In some churches, people operating in the gift of discerning spirits (distinguishing between God, Satan, the world, and our flesh) may be seen as divisive. The Holy Spirit gave this gift to protect the church from deceit, manipulation, false teachers, and other dangers. The believers given this gift are truly the watchmen on the walls—discerning and testing spirits against the word of God However, discerning is not judgment. Discernment is having a Berean moment empowered by the Holy Spirit for the edification of the church. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit has most likely given this gift to more than one person in a particular body of believers. This gift of the Spirit may be confirmed with other believers to see if God has raised a similar alarm among other believers with the same gift of discernment. There may be consensus of those with this gift; if not, the situation is at least on the radar of multiple congregants with the gift of discernment to intercede for further wisdom and insight on the matter.

 

 

What is One to Do when Discernment is Rejected as Divisiveness?

 

Jesus explained the importance of waiting on the empowerment of the Holy Spirit through the gifts given to the body of believers to build up the church. Scripture also tells us that Jesus gave five ministry roles to the church (Ephesians 4:11-13):

 

So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors, and teachers, to equip his people for works of service so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

 

The functions of these roles in the church are vital. As consumerism continues to invade American culture, it has also crept into the church. Church has often become a pastor-led spectator sport. It has neglected the other offices that Jesus gave the church to function as God designed. Many pastors struggle under the weight of ministry due to a lack of volunteers. This can lead to severe burnout and cause many to leave the ministry altogether. Other pastors have trouble delegating and equipping others to do the work. This leaves a deficit in the function of the other essential roles of apostles, prophets, evangelists, and teachers. Together, when empowered by the gifts of the Holy Spirit, the offices of the church bring a plurality of leadership to govern the church body.

 

What should a person do when the concerns of Holy Spirit-gifted watchmen (and women) of the church fall on deaf ears or are summarily dismissed? There are scriptural instructions in Matthew 18 which walk us through how to handle disagreements or conflicts in the church. It is crucial to follow these Biblical guidelines.

 

First, go to the person directly. When discerning a problem or situation that needs to be addressed, the first line of defense would most likely be the pastor. If the pastor is unwilling to hear the concerns and dismisses the gift of the Holy Spirit given to you, then scripture advises you to bring someone else with you who can establish the facts. Other believers in the body may have discerned the same concern. This is often where accusations of causing division come into play. The Bible says that they should take it to the church if they still refuse to listen. At this point, many with the gift of discernment are accused of being gossips, causing strife, and being disloyal. However, the believer is simply heeding the conviction of the Holy Spirit and discerning a matter that needs to be addressed among the church leadership for the safety and wellbeing of the church. If it is an isolated concern and no other congregants with the gift of discernment confirm the issue, it may be an instance of someone needing to mature and grow in their gift. Still, it would be wise to pause when several church members are discerning the same danger to the church.

 

We must understand how the Holy Spirit empowers the body of believers with gifts to build up the church. It would be unwise to intentionally or unintentionally dismantle the safeguards that God himself put in place for the health and well-being of His church, especially if there are multiple church members with the gift of discernment that are sounding an alarm. The most tragic thing by far would be to miss the Spirit’s desire to protect and alert the church. Then rejecting the warning of the Holy Spirit, to attribute His work to Satan by accusing people of division and breaking the unity of the church.

 

About the Author: 

 Dawn Irons, Ph.D., LPC-S received her doctoral degree in Christian Counseling and Psychology at B. H. Carroll Theological Institute in Irving, Texas. She received a masters degree in counseling from Dallas Baptist University, and a bachelors degree in social work from the University of Mary Hardin-Baylor in Belton Texas. Dawn and her husband Brad have served as a pastoral ministry couple over the last 30 years.