Encouragement for the Shepherd

I met with my home group last night and we spoke about the fact that Christmas has been under assault in the public square. We noticed the lack of Nativity Scenes in public places and we all were familiar with the ever popular "Happy Holidays" from store clerks who were no longer allowed to say "Merry Christmas".

Pastor David shared a story about a Missionary we support named Dirk Wood who is a very bold, and unusually brazen sort of character...unless you have met him you have NO CLUE what I am talking about! But he told of a time when Dirk went to a park in London with a banner with the name "JESUS" written on it and he draped it over the fence. Dirk was not preaching. He was simply just standing next to the banner with the name of Jesus displayed. It was just a matter of time when various people began to come up to him and curse at him and yell at him with all manner of vulgarity. Dirk did not respond. He just stood there next to the name of Jesus. So what provoked these people to such animosity, hatred and anger? Remember the old precious Hymn "There is power in the name of Jesus"...aparantly there is still so much power in His Name alone that can convict and provoke someone lost in sin and far from God.

The world hates Jesus.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I am trying to look at the manger in a different perspective this year. As I read the Christmas story in Luke 2 again this morning I was paying specific attention to the details about the shepherds. Who are the modern day Shepherds? Where can I see this part of the Christmas story living out in our world today? The more I meditated on the Shepherds I thought of our own Shepherd, friend and Pastor--David Kerr.

Yesterday was a very hard day for him. He preached a funeral for a staff member's son. Just three weeks ago this young man gave his heart to the Lord. He had run with a pretty hard crowd and became dissatisfied with his life and how things were going. He began searching for something of significance and told him mother that he wanted what his younger brother had discovered in a relationship with Christ. I am in awe of the mercy of God that was so good to have stirred this man's heart to recognize his need of a savior just weeks before his death. Pastor David preached the funeral to a church full of this man's friends...a rough crowd...and lost as lost could be.

As a church member, I could see the earnest struggle pastor was having in knowing this might be the last time he ever sees this crowd of people in church and he knew what he said needed to make the message clear about how their friend turned to Christ. Pastor was compassionate, yet did not mince words about the truth of God's word that there is only one way to heaven through Jesus Christ...and their friend bowed a knee to receive Christ just 3 weeks ago.

So how does this all relate to the Manger and Christmas??

To him who has ears to hear and eyes to see...follow me.

Just as the angels proclaimed the good news of great joy to the shepherds in the field, the scriptures tell this of the Shepherds:

"...And when they had seen this [the babe in the manger], they made known the statement
which had been told them about this child. And all who heard it wondered at the
things told to them by the shepherds..." Luke 2:17-18

So as Pastor David, being a true Shepherd at heart, was telling these precious and priceless people about the Lord and his free gift of salvation for all who would call on him, I sat in the back of the church and was praying that the words they heard would stay with them, sealed in their hearts forever...even if they did not respond that day, that those words would be sealed in their minds forever.

I pray those friends would experience the same thing that the people did who heard the news from the Shepherds at the very first Christmas. I pray that it would happen again 2000 Christmases later...that all the friends who heard those words about Christ would wonder and consider all the Shepherd told them at their dear friend's funeral. I pray God gives them wisdom to understand and seek Him...for Wise Men still seek Him!

And to my dear Pastor, Shepherd and friend...your heart for the truth of God's word is a gift. Your compassion and concern for people is evident. I firmly believe the words you spoke have not fallen on deaf ears. You may not see the fruit of those words today, or even tomorrow...but I truly believe you will see some of those friends in Heaven and they will tell you, "I never could shake those words you said...they just stuck with me. One day a few years later I remembered all that you had said, and I bowed my knee and asked Christ into my heart and to lead me. I am here because you spoke the truth over my life in a time of need. Your words hijacked me on the highway to hell...and for that, I thank you!."

So this one goes out to all the Shepherds who are forever called to tell the masses all that they have been told and experienced of Jesus Christ our Savior. The manger would not be complete without you!

Love, Dawn

Circle the Wagons

Circle the Wagons:

This expression, when used by a group of people means to work together to protect against possible harm or danger, comes from the days of the American pioneers who used to form their wagons into a circle to better defend themselves when under attack.

When you have been called and you obey the orders to embark "on the journey of a lifetime" you don't really anticipate all the detours that might come upon that path. Every idealistic dream you had for this journey, every prayer that was answered has moved you closer and closer to the destination... so with great expectation you venture out on the great adventure that you knew God called you to journey...only you never anticipated that pot hole in the road that totaled your vehicle.

The last month has been that kind of "pot hole" experience for me. Part of me is still a bit dazed at the damage done by the proverbial pot hole...but the more I take it all in, I realize that God has not been taken by suprise, nor has His plan for my life been thwarted. Just as Paul had to deal with the thorn in his flesh and yet was not disqualified from his ministry, I too am going to have to learn to deal with my own infirmity and like a good soldier for Christ...carry on!

I have recently been diagnosed with chronic late stage Lyme disease. As I deal with the physical effects on my body, I am trying to maintain my spiritual equilibrium...my roots, my love and dependence upon the Word of God, and my fellowship with Believers. I am reminded of my husband's wisdom in that "attitude is everything"...and this disease shows little mercy. If I don't guard my heart with all diligence, I know that it will be the little foxes that spoil the vine. The irony of that phrase is not lost me when I consider the "little foxes" that have waged war against me. A tiny tick, smaller than a poppyseed has wrecked great destruction to my body--but a guarded heart has kept the "little fox" from touching my spirit.

I recently had a dream in which I had a wandering heart. In my dream I had been attending a different church on Wednseday nights other than my home church. This other church was a mega church and had all the bells and whistles and it was alluring at best...very intoxicating and tempting...something new. After attending this church for several Wednesday nights I noticed there was a room off to the side of the sanctuary and I felt the Lord telling me to go look and see what was inside. I ventured into the room where they were having a garage sale and they were auctioning off the sacred things of God. The communion table was for sale for $5.00 and the baptistry was turned into a wading pool for small kids to play in while their parents shopped. In my dream, I heard the audible voice of God tell me, "GO HOME! You have roots and relationship at your home church. Do not participate in selling the sacred things of God!!"

I woke up from that dream on a Sunday morning feeling guilty that I had even dreamed of leaving my church! When I saw my husband that morning I told him I had the strangest dream! He asked me what I made of the dream and I told him NOTHING! I had no intentions of leaving our church.

Later that same day I received a phone call from a friend inviting me to a conference in town where there was a man with a special anointing and healing ministry. She was insistant that I should go. She said that if I could not make it that night that I should at least be sure to make it the following Wed night. I was really torn...and tempted! I definitely would not turn away anyone at this point that wanted to pray healing over me. I was in need of healing and I knew it! Yet I was soooo torn. Wednesday night at my church is our home care groups. I look forward to this more than any other event at our church. This home care group is almost closer than family to me. We definitely see them more than our extended family. This group of people have come to be a very integral part of my church experience in that we can honestly share our ups and downs and really pray for one another and lift each other up with encouraging words and the laying on of hands.

My friend called me almost daily asking if I was going to make it to the conference. It was only $15 a day or $25 for the whole week of the healing conference...and I was still torn. Then it hit me like a lightening bolt! God had prepared me for this temptation. The Lord reminded me that HEALING was the children's bread and that I was not to participate in the selling of things that are sacred...such as having to pay to have someone pray for me. My heart swelled with emotion when I finally understood! There is no "special anointing" that the conference speaker had that was not resident in each and every believer in Jesus Christ. He reminded me that it was this group of people (my home church) who have been praying for me for the last 5 years through all the illness and misdiagnosis, 6 miscarriages, and all the health calamaties--even before we knew the name of what I was battling. I felt a conviction stronger than ever that if anyone was going to pray for me, now that we knew what I was fighting, it was going to be this group of people. They have a vested interest in my healing, I am part of their body. I cringe when I think of how close I came to missing the true ministry of the body of Christ that evening.

My pastor had a word for me that will be forever burned in my heart! CIRCLE THE WAGONS!! When someone in the body is wounded or down, the rest of the body rallies around in a defensive mode to protect the injured from harm. The warriors take their station and the prayer battle is on! There are the soldiers that "circle the wagons" and guard the perimeter while the front line soldiers move in with the prayer of faith, laying on of hands and the anointing of oil...hand to hand combat with an enemy that is already defeated. Who in their right mind would remove themselves from that kind of Godly provision in the Body of Christ? And the best part was, they manned their battle stations simply at my request...no fee required.

So as I look upon this Christmas season, I am looking at the manger from a little bit of a different perspective this year. As I ponder the magnificence of the angels proclaiming the birth of our Savior, the Christ Child, I see the Holy Angelic Armies "circle the wagons" around humanity in need of salvation. I see the Holy Spirit forever intervening in the lives of mankind pointing the way to Jesus and drawing the lost into His perfect and FREE gift of eternal life. The wagons are circled and there is a place of safety inside for those truly seeking the face of God...and we rejoice, not that satan is defeated, but that our names are written in the Lamb's Book of Life!

Christmas Blessings to my Family and Friends, and when you see someone in need, CIRCLE THE WAGONS!!

Love, Dawn

Be Careful What You Pray For

...that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the
fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that
I may attain to the resurrection of the dead.

Not that I have already attained it or have already become perfect, but I
press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of
by Christ Jesus.

Bretheren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one
thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead,
I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ
Jesus. ~Philippians 3:10-14

I found myself sitting in my husbands office tonight after doing a task on his computer. I looked over and noticed a chalk drawing on his wall that I had drawn sometime this last year during a worship and prayer gathering at our church. The memories of that time of intense prayer came rushing back. I can remember everything about that evening: the worship, the music, the prayers, the people...and the message God put on my heart that I quickly put to paper canvas as best as I could.

On this drawing there are the 3 crosses on calvary. The flow of blood from Christ's cross flows through time to the altar where I drew a crude rendition of myself being placed upon the altar and a flame surrounding me. On the altar is written the verse Romans 12:1-2..."I urge you therefore, bretheren, by the mercies of God to offer yourself as living sacrifices, which is holy and acceptable to God. This is your reasonable form of service. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind so that you may prove what God's will is, that which is good, acceptable and perfect." There on the altar is a person, with hands lifted in worship, and a song flowing from their heart...completely consumed in the fire of the Lord...a living sacrifice. On one side of the drawing it reads, "Create in me a clean heart, Oh Lord, my God, and renew a right spirit within me." On the other side, by the crosses at calvary, it reads, "Oh that I may know Him in the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings."

As I looked upon the drawing I had to fight back a smile of recognition...could it be?? Could all the trials and tribulations of late be an answer to a prayer I prayed long ago? Did I really dare to pray that I would truly know Christ better by the power of His resurrection and the FELLOWSHIP OF HIS SUFFERINGS? Yes...I did.

Now, this is not to say that God causes all the bad stuff to happen, but there is a tried and true promise that God will cause all things to work together for good to them that love Him and are called according to His purposes. If there is anything that allows a Christian to experience the resurrection power of Christ, it is to see Jesus actively intervene in the midst of our daily circumstances. True believers KNOW an encounter with the resurrected Christ!

This whole year has been an encounter with the resurrected Christ for our family. This year has brought about the most EXTREME changes in our life in 14 years of marriage. Had we not known these changes were being directed by Jesus Himself it could have been a very ugly family dispute! But the peace of God reigns because an encounter withthe resurrected Christ is UNmistakable!

I remember in that time of intimate prayer earlier this year that I called out to God to know Him more intimately--to know Him in the fellowship of His sufferings. I asked God to break my heart over issues that break His heart. Lord, I believe, help my unbelief! I guess I did not realize that God would really do it!

This has been an interesting year of entering into the grief of friends who were grieving alone. I told God a long time ago that if there was ever a purpose in the grief I have endured personally that He allow me in time to be able to comfort those who grieve, just as He himself comforted me. We have recently had friends struggle in their marriages, lose children to death, we watched a friends church get torn in two when the pastor milked the church finances dry then left the congregation in devestation and debt as he abandoned the church and took several staff members with him. We have had missionary friends face some situations that they have called just to talk to us and have us pray with them....we entered into their sufferings. There were times that we really had to step back and just wonder over all the painful situations...it is not as though they sprang up overnight--they have always been there, but somehow I have been keenly more in tuned with things and situations that are heartbreaking for me. Could it really be that God has answered that prayer to break my heart with the things that break His heart?

I do not regret praying that prayer. But I have to giggle when I think of the old addage...be careful what you pray for, you just might get it!

There is one thing I can tell you for certain...there is nothing like feeling the pain of God's broken heart over a matter that drives you back to His arms faster than anything! In retrospect, looking back over these various situations personally, and with friends, I can see that there has been an intimacy built with God. There is a place of complete dependency on HIS intervention in these matters because there is very little we can do in the natural but pray for and listen to our friends...just be there for them...often.

There is a time for everything under heaven:
a time to laugh and a time to cry
a time to rejoice and a time to mourn
a time to live and a time to die
a time for war and a time for peace

a time for joy in the Lord...and a time to enter into the fellowship of His sufferings....

Seeing all the wonders that previous prayer has wrought, I think I will be praying next to have a season of boundless love and unending JOY in the Lord!!!

I like being able to step back and look at the big picture from time to time...in the midst of all the recent trials and tribulations God has opened my eyes and allowed me to see the enemy and know how to battle in those situations...and He has also drawn me near to His heart through the fellowship of His sufferings and He has broken my heart with the things that break His heart. The big picture is beautiful...I know I am not alone. I know He has intimately touched my heart with His heart. And as emotionally painful as it can be sometimes, the intimacy with God is immeasurable and I wouldn't trade this experience with my Father for anything in the world.

Now I am praying for His fullness of JOY!!

Dawn

The Body of Christ: A State of the Union Address

(Content taken from the lecture series this week with Jack Frost from Shiloh Ministries, notes from Adam McCain’s Real Christianity Class, and the 2004 Barna Report)

Every year George Barna surveys the American Christian Churches to keep a “physical check up” on the church. The 2004 Barna report shows the body of Christ in a critical condition.

Consider the following from his survey of American Christians:

90% of Americans marry.

51% of CHRISTIAN marriages end in divorce (this is the first time the Christian divorce rate exceeded the secular world’s divorce rate.)

70% of people admit to having cheated on their spouse

30% of male protestant ministers have had a sexual relationship with someone other than their wife while active in their ministry.

1 in 3 relationships (both teenage and adult relationships) are abusive

Of 1000 subscribing members of the magazine Christianity Today:

45% of the single readers surveyed were currently
involved in sexually inappropriate behavior

30% of the married readers were currently having
extra-marital intercourse.

A recent study showed that young girls would prefer to have cancer, be sexually assaulted and raped rather than be overweight

50 million Christian people rely solely upon the internet to provide ALL of their faith based experiences

80% of the 20’s age group quit going to church

only 16% of American Christians are being discipled for spiritual growth or attend weekly meetings; whether it be small groups or corporate worship services

1/3 of Christian parents surveyed said if they had it to do over again, they would NOT have children

53% of parents resent the inconvenience their children have caused them and their having to make personal sacrifices for the children

70% of the students at a top seminary in the USA report to being on antidepressants.

98% of pastors do not pray with their spouses

75% of pastor’s kids are diagnosed as “clinically depressed” and seeking professional counseling


The yearly “check up” for the church revealed some serious health issues.

Pastor Jack Frost from Shiloh Ministries (http://www.shilohplace.org) spoke to the issue by saying that walking with God is not about what we do but about RELATIONSHIP. So often we exchange true life giving relationship with the Father for one of legalism.

He gave his testimony about becoming a new believer and going straight to Bible College. He had experienced a radical salvation and deliverance from drugs when he received Christ. He had a dynamic encounter with the living God that radically saved his life. Upon arriving to Bible College he began to excel because he was a very driven personality and excellence was his goal. Immediately he began take the instructions and make them weightier than they needed to be. The school requested the students read three chapters a day, so he committed to reading 10 chapters a day. The school suggested 1 hour a day in prayer, so he committed to 5 hours a day in prayer…and eventually the tools that were initially meant to build discipline and relationship became a heavy yoke that he could no longer bear and maintain…so condemnation set it. He describes himself as someone who gained his total identity in his academic excellence and achievements…a story I personally know all too well. It has been 9 years since my college graduation and God told me from the day of graduation, when I received my degree, that I was not to frame it or display it in any way…and to this day I still have never been given that release. My degree sits in a folder on my bookshelf between two parenting books. God made a real issue with me that I need to find my identity in HIM and in the testimony HE has given me…not in my accomplishments.

On Tuesday Pastor Jack spoke about the necessity of “crossing the bar” and the importance of having a testimony of our own. We cannot overcome on the testimony of others…but the Word tells us that we can overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of OUR testimony. It is in relationship that we build a testimony of God working in and through us. We have no authority to speak on matters until we have our own testimony of Christ in our lives. The personal testimony of our relationship with God brings authority, the ability to influence and to bear witness. Many people have a relationship with God based on knowledge and truth, but lack intimacy with God.

Jack also spoke to the issue of giving the enemy territory in our lives by leaving open doors due to sin and darkness that we keep hold of in our own lives. He said the enemy traffics in the night to steal our inheritance. He said darkness is a moral state where we hide things and keep secrets…giving the enemy a foothold. He went on to say that we can be forgiven and still not be cleansed if we harbor darkness in our heart. He referred to the passage that says “Do not let the light that is in you be in darkness…walk in the light as He is in the light and so have fellowship one with another.” He spoke of the importance of bringing our hidden secrets and sin into the light…confess your sins one to another and be healed. It is in revealing the dark secrets and hidden things that will bring freedom and allow one to be freed from strongholds. Things hidden keep you enslaved. If you choose to remain in darkness, this is the inheritance you will leave to your children and future generations.

A point he made concerning sexual sin is that, for many, once it has been forgiven, there is such a nature about sexual sin that it will cling to you like a garment of shame and many a believer, though forgiven, cannot walk in freedom due to the guilt and condemnation they feel towards themselves. Looking at the statistics from the “check up of the church” sexual sin is a very pervasive sin that is keeping people completely bound and tormented.

Pastor Jack said that we could learn to conquer these sin issues if we could understand the battle between Spirit VS Flesh, Grace VS Law, and Blessing VS Cursing. We don’t have to jump through hoops and perform a “dog and pony show” for God to gain his love and approval. He loved us while we were yet sinners. We have to learn to find a way to receive His love as He intends for us to experience His love. Pastor Jack said there was a huge danger when we have come to a place that we have no anticipation or expectation of love and affection from God or the people we love…that is when we begin to live in isolation. In isolation the enemy can cut you off from fellow believers and battle you in your mind with vain imaginations. You must overcome these dangerous thoughts with the truth of God’s word…”I have loved you with a loving kindness, I have loved you with an everlasting love”. We are loved, but it is hard for many to receive that love, or believe that love because we have believed a lie and placed ourselves in isolation and have grown to have no expectation or anticipation that people will love, accept or approve of us. We must transform the attitude of our heart to receive His love rather than walk in shame and condemnation.

He went on to describe 4 types of darkness:

1. Attitudinal sins: competition, envy, jealousy, selfishness
2. Another’s darkness can invade your life. Unresolved conflicts can lead to manipulation and control.
3. Love and criticism cannot co-exist. Unresolved conflict puts you in bondage.
4. Our masks, walls, cover-ups and pretenses: light reveals and darkness hides. Darkness is never stagnant. The sin of “hiddenness” is hypocrisy.

We must reveal our darkness to be fully healed and walk in the light. Things hidden will keep the church enslaved to sin…there is no victory in hiding our sins, but there is great freedom in bringing the darkness into the light.

There is a place of “Divine Immunity” where we can come into the presence of God and just receive the Father’s love—no strings attached. There is a realm of oppression that many Christians cannot seem to break free from. One of Pastor Jack’s examples was from the Sermon on the Mount. If we are angry with our brother we are guilty…unresolved conflict. He said it is possible to be right in correct judgment in what we are angry about towards our brother…but when we do that we have agreed with the accuser of the brethren and removed ourselves from the place of divine immunity. Rather, when we find ourselves in unresolved conflict with a brother we need to follow a Matthew 18 principle and make a peaceful resolution if at all possible.

It takes no spiritual maturity to see fault in another. It takes maturity to be able to say “forgive them for they know not what they do” and hold no ill feeling toward the person. If you leave unresolved conflict in relationships it is as if you have given Satan a legal copy of a key to your home, your church, or anything you have of value—for his own personal use.

Looking at the Barna report, clearly there are sin issues in the church that must continue to be dealt with in local churches on personal levels with much love and grace. Another question to consider is have we gotten so bad at handling personal relationships with God and our fellow believers that we have made ourselves sick?

A recent scientific study proved that if you are not touched at least 12 times per day in a healthy way that illness physically sets in within the human body. Illnesses that were followed in this study included heart disease, arthritis, skin conditions and many more. The physical body literally withers in health with the lack of the human touch. This study was also used to verify and confirm a previous study done on newborns that showed a 90% infant mortality rate among newborns in an orphanage that were only tended to in terms of being given nutrition and changing of diapers. Otherwise the babies were left in their cribs with no human interaction. 90% of the babies in the study died. The other 10% who survived were followed for 5 years and those children developed severe anti-social behaviors, attachment disorders and the doctors had said they believed these children would be a menace to society until their death.

How many people have fallen into sin that they are afraid to bring into the open for fear of condemnation? How many people are living in a personal isolation believing the lie that they are unlovable? I don’t have the answers…and I could only venture to guess that, looking at the Barna report, these are some questions that need to be asked and answered on a personal level within our sphere of influence with our Christian friends. How beautiful are the feet of those who bring GOOD NEWS!! There is HOPE. There is FREEDOM. And there is NO CONDEMNATION FOR THOSE WHO ARE IN CHRIST. It is time we love –truly love one another, and bring our darkness into the light so that we may BE HEALED. And according to the study on human touch…we could likely HUG our way to wellness as a body of Christ that ministers hands on with people by developing relationships and friendships that go beyond the walls of the church.

Dawn

Open My Eyes that I May See

Then Elisha prayed: "O Lord, please open his eyes that he may see." So the Lord opened the eyes of the servant, and he saw; the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.

The battle has been raging everywhere I have turned in the last month. It seems conflict is everywhere. Brad’s vision (eye sight) is failing quickly. A misdiagnosis in my medical history is leaving a not so promising future physically. Finances are tense. There is conflict at church. Everywhere I look...there is conflict. And if all I could see were these circumstances through my natural eyes, I would just throw in the towel and quit…but I know that there is one mediator between God and man…and Jesus is standing in the gap and interceding for every situation.

I knew going into the 40 days of fasting and prayer with my fellow students at CFNI that this would not be “a walk in the park” because there is a real enemy that seeks to destroy us. But the strength that keeps me going is that “greater is He that is within us than he that is in the world.” I know I have a faithful intercessor standing night and day before my Father in Heaven…and He prays unfailing prayers.

If I could only see these situations as they are in the natural, with no hope of knowing there is divine intervention already dispatched, I would be devastated beyond repair. I know by faith that the victory is already won…but as a battle weary soldier in the field I am asking God, in His mercy, to OPEN MY EYES THAT I MAY SEE the heavenly armies that are already warring along side of us. The angels that are holding our arms up when our arms fail in strength. I know this by faith…but oh that I could really see. I am ready to be scared out of my wits by an angel that says “fear not!” Give me spiritual eyes to see the Heavenly provision, the armies that are surrounding us and conquering the enemy’s camp.

I long to really hear the Heavenly shofar sound that calls the army to war! I sense the Holy Spirit strengthen me…for where two or more agree in prayer, Christ is in the midst. I know that one of us can put a thousand to flight and two of us can send legions fleeing. I know the enemy is already a defeated foe. I know the angels are ministering spirits sent to minister to those who will inherit salvation….I know….and I believe….and in my weakness I JUST WANT TO SEE what I know for a fact is more real than the air I breathe.

I am warring with all that is within me. I am standing on the infallible Word of God. The enemy is a LIAR! We will not accept his report. Brad will not lose his vision… his physical vision or his spiritual vision. I am healed by the blood of Jesus. I will not live the rest of my life with chronic pain. The body of Christ will walk in unity.

I will continue to walk in faith…and with a song in my heart…I can almost hear it now….

The enemy has been defeated
Death couldn’t hold you down
We’re going to lift our voice in victory
We’re going to make Your praises loud

Shout unto God with a voice of triumph
Shout unto God with a voice of praise
Shout unto God with a voice of triumph
We lift Your name up!!
We lift Your name up!!

Brad led this song in worship a few weeks ago at our church…and I just wept. To know what struggles many of our church families are going through…the discouragement many are experiencing right now….and to hear us all making a bold declaration by faith as an entire congregation…it did my heart good! It made me realize all the more that we serve a God that is so much greater than our mere circumstances. Even if I did not “feel” like the enemy had been defeated at the beginning of the song…I knew beyond all doubt by the END of the song…and so did our church body!!

So we will continue to fight the fight…and pray that God will mercifully open our eyes that we may see the true reality of what we are going through, and see the armies of God that surround us in this light and momentary affliction... in comparison to the awesome realities of eternity.

Dawn

Emancipation Proclamation and the Leaning tower of Pisa

Concerning the message "Emancipation Proclamation" give by Pastor John Hatcher on Friday Sept 9, 2005 @ CFNI


It was the day of confirmation, I just knew in my spirit would be coming. There is still no "specific reason" that I know of as to why God made such life changing paradigm shifts in our family to get me to CFNI...but maybe this message holds part of the key. Brad has told me for years "you have a message to teach and I have a song to sing...we should really work this out sometime!" and part of me always hid behind him and said "NO WAY! Do you have any idea what my friends would say??"

I wish Brad could have been at school with me yesterday for Pastor John's message. Somwhow I know a look of affirmation and a smile that said "I told you so" would have gently crossed his face.

Pastor John asked for us to turn to Genesis 1:27...male and female He created them...Imagio Deo....in the image of God. After reading the scripture he asked all the women in the sanctuary to stand up. Pastor John asked the men "In whose image are these women created?" To which the men responded "in the image of God". He asked the ladies to sit down.

We then were directed to turn to the passage in Matthew 22 where the pharisees were trying to trap Jesus by asking if they should pay taxes to Caesar. Jesus asked whose inscription was on the coin. The pharisees replied Caesar. Then render unto Caesar what is Caesar's and render unto God what is God's. Pastor John then asked again, "Men, in whose image are these women created?" The men responded in unison "in the image of God". Pastor John continued, "then render unto God what is God's". I felt a tear sting the corner of my eyes as the men in the congregation offered up a thunderous applause.

The atmosphere in this place is like none other that I have experienced in an educational setting before. When I attended a denominational Christian college, I had been the only female at that time to have ever taken the Biblical Greek class...it was simply men's territory. I was newly saved and naive enough to just do what God was leading me to do and that was prepare for ministry. So after I got saved I immediately went off to Bible College. I was too new in the faith (only 9 months old) to realize that there was a raging storm surrounding women in ministry--but I became educated real quick! I remember my Greek teacher razzing the men in class after our first Greek exam when I made the highest grade in the class. He said," you men are not going to let a woman show you up in Biblical languages are you?" There were lots of chuckles and giggles through the classroom and I sat there intimidated beyone belief. I felt like a scared mouse that had been tossed to a group of cats as a play thing. And that feeling has never left me. I have argued with God for over 10 years that He must have made a mistake where I was concerned. Surely I heard Him wrong...but God was relentless in pursuing me. All those feelings came rushing back as I looked around this sanctuary filled with men of God recognizing their female counterparts as co-laborers, called of God for the sake of the Gospel. I suddenly felt like I was in a safe place and God had encamped about me the presence of the Balm of Gilead. Suddenly those intimidating feelings I once knew was replaced with numerous memories of my husband encouraging me to be a part and minister with him, to share the message God has placed on my heart. I remembered numerous times that my own Pastor David had told me "I believe in the call of God on your life". I remembered Pastor Rob telling me that I had been extremely useful in his ministry teaching the youth to be campus missionaries. And the tear that had stung my eye gave way to a torrential flood that had been dammed up for over 10 years. It was a cleansing cry. It was a healing cry. And I swear I could feel the shackles fall off of me.

Pastor John also took us to the old and familiar passage of Mary and Martha. He said when you look at a dictionary, the primary definition is always #1 and then the secondary definitions always follow in behind. He said that he had never heard a sermon taught over Mary and Martha that was not a secondary definition interpretation of the passage. This of course peaqued my curiosity. He went on to explain that it is important to know and understand the culture in which a passage is written so you know what it meant to the people it was written to. He explained that in the culture of Mary and Martha it was not "proper" for a woman to be in a learning situation...but here comes Jesus turning traditions of man on its ear and relaying a proper foundation of truth for his followers. In this story we see Mary "sitting at the feet of of Jesus". This was a specific term used in the tuteledge of a student by rabinnical order. It is the same concept we see as Saul/Paul was studying "at the feet" of Gamaliel. So in this passage Jesus has made Mary on the same level as his disciples in terms of teaching/learning opportunities. I found it to be of very specific interest when Pastor John pointed out the fact that it was not the men in the room, nor the disciples, nor Jesus himself that was upset that Mary was found "at the feet of Jesus"...it was Martha!

Now many sermons have have been taught that Martha was upset because she was left to do all the chores and "women's work" by herself. Pastor John asked us to look deeper than that into this passage. He shared that culturally it was the responsibility of the woman to make sure the decorum and propriety of her home were in order especially when guests were over. And here was Mary "sitting at the feet of Jesus" learning (which was highly immodest and improper of women at that time.) So Martha asks Jesus in a sense to help her move Mary along into more appropriate behavior in doing the "women's work"...and Jesus' words are a healing balm to my heart! Jesus said, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only a few things are necessary, really only ONE, for Mary has chosen the good part WHICH SHALL NOT BE TAKEN AWAY FROM HER."

Jesus basically told Martha that she needed to have a paradigm shift in her own heart. He gently told her "no" to her request to move Mary on to more appropriate behavior and even further protected Mary's choice by saying that He would not allow that to be taken away from her.

My heart just aches for all the years I felt the condemnation of a few friends (mostly women, which I find interesting!). I heard a line in a song yesterday that so beautifully expressed my sorrow over those lost years of ministry time where I wanted to please those few friends more than I wanted to obey God. The song said "I wish I could get back all those years, not for myself, but so that I cold give them back to You, Lord". OUCH!! Talk talk about conviction!!

Thoughts were still lingering in my mind this morning about our dinner conversation last night when I was sharing with Christopher the story of the Moravians. We had dinner at CiCi's pizza. On the wall was a picture of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Suddenly I was fixated on the picture. I have seen pictures of the tower my whole life but I could not recall the story as to WHY the tower was leaning. So I asked my family..."What is the story behind the leaning tower of Pisa?" Chris piped up without missing a beat and said the builders had not realized that the soil they built upon was a sand based soil. I almost laughed and asked him to repeat what he had just said. The only respone I could muster was "WOW! That will preach!!"

So this morning before sitting down to write this blog, I went and researched the Leaning Tower of Pisa and sure enough...Chris was right! Here is what one of the websites had to say concerning the tower:

"...They decided to continue building it, but they knew they could not repair the foundation. The foundation was fine. It was the land they built upon. Interestingly, the name Pisa means marshlands. The soil was a mixture of sand and clay and was not solid enough to hold that foundation, no matter how solid or level."

Simply Amazing!!

Lately I have been a humbled mass of clay on my Abba Father's potter's wheel asking nothing more than HE reshape me into the person He needs me to be to carry out His purposes for my life and that of my family. I am starting to wonder if my being sent to CFNI has been a critical mission to get some foundation repair work done so that my testimony of being "a city on a hill" does not topple over with the defective foundation that was previously laid.

Father God, destroy the building and rebuild me if necessary, but at all cost make sure that Jesus is my firm foundation and the faithful cornerstone of my life!!!!

Dawn

Discovering a Lost Heritage

This week I have been reading a book that has been completely eye opening and life changing. The title is Red Moon Rising by Pete Greig and Dave Roberts. I looked it up at Amazon.com and 19 out of 19 reviewers gave it a 5 star rating...and I would have to concur! If my budget would allow I would buy a copy for everyone I know, but since I am college student with no extra funds, I am just going to BEG my friends and family to get this book into their hands ASAP!!

One thing in particular that just had me mesmerized was the story of the Moravians. I will just go ahead and admit my complete ignorance of the story of the Moravian people prior to reading this book. I asked my husband this evening how was it possible that I have been a Christian for almost 18 years and I have NEVER ONCE --ever-- heard about the Moravians before? It is not as though I am unlearned --I am an avid student and learner, in particular over issues concerning my faith and spiritual heritage. How did this story and the testimony of these people escape my 18 years of Christian experience, education and training?

It reminded me of the passage in Exodus that said there arose a King that new nothing of Joseph. How did there ever get to be a time when the nation of Israel had a king that knew nothing of JOSEPH?? Someone, somewhere had stopped talking about him. Or they failed to see that his testimony was worth repeating. I was having one of those kinds of moments when I discovered the story of the Moravians this week! WHO stopped talking about these people? How did I get 18 years into my faith never having heard of this rich spiritual heritage??

So as I was sitting with my family at dinner tonight I was telling them how I had never heard of these people before. My oldest son Chris asked me who they were and what was so important. With my very limited knowledge about them (only from what I had read in this book) I shared the story of the Moravian people's call to prayer. What started out as a burden to pray turned into a prayer meeting that lasted 24 hours a day for over 100 years...non stop continual prayer by a community of believers that took seriously the call to continual prayer. My son sat there wide-eyed and amazed...just as I had when reading the story! Chris has recently had a very powerful encounter with God on a personal level and you could almost see the pride he had about the story and his GOD who would move so powerfully for his people who prayed!!

I just read the story of King Josiah and how he responded to finding the lost books of the law and how he began to tear down the strongholds and high places in Israel. I felt that same awe when I heard the testimony of the Moravian people...like I had just discovered a lost part of my heritage! Recently I have also been reminded, time and time again, that we OVERCOME by two things:
1. The Blood of the Lamb
2. The Word of our TESTIMONY

so when I read the amazing testimony of the Moravian people it lit a fire in me about the awesome power and priviledge we have in prayer! It stirs in me greatly--why are prayer meetings the least attended function at our churches? I remember the devestation of the 9-11 tragedy and there was a special prayer meeting called by our church prayer coordinator...and less than 10 people showed up out of our congregation of about 300 people. This is not to place condemnation on anyone. I know we can pray from our homes just as effectively as we can at church, but my heart ached at the lack of community in prayer.

I pray for a revival of prayer in our midst...and Lord, let it begin with me. I hope and pray that everyone I know will read this book and catch the vision of prayer and the power to touch God's heart that is at our hands, if we would just exercise the coorporate bonding and unity that takes place through prayer.

May God find us all in one accord, seeking his face that we may effect the world around us, reaching the lost.

I asked Brad this evening if he thought the church universal was ready to receive the end time harvest of souls. How would the church (in general) respond to a sudden and massive influx of new believers coming from a variety of sordid backgrounds? Would we only want to clean them up cosmetically? Would we be able to truly disciple and train them in the faith? Would we address external issues before the internal issues? Would we care more about discipleship than the safety pin in their ear and nose? Or their short skirt? Would we care more about their bad influence on our own kids? But don't all Christians begin the journey with some sort of past? Have we forgotten that we are all sinners saved by grace?

This is not to say that issues of modesty and propriety should never be addressed in the context of a mentoring relationship, but I wonder...how many of us would prefer to address those issues first? Can you imagine what it would look like if someone on the evangelistic outreach team went into an alternative youth Friday night hang out and returned to the church with 40-50 new believers who were covered head to toe in tatoos, pink and purple hair and body pierced in places you never knew could be pierced? How many people would suddenly take their children and leave the church because the landscape had changed? We all say that we live to reach the lost for Christ...but what would happen if God so answered the desires of our hearts? Are we prepared to receive that harvest? Would God trust us to nurse his new borns? Or would he have concerns that we might be abuse or wound the new believers? Would we ground them in basic doctrines of the deity of Christ, the virgin birth, salvation, etc before we took on the challenge of addressing modesty and the safety pin through the nose that scares the little children and the senior adults? Would God trust us to prioritize the true needs of the newborns as we acclimate them into the family?

We can really plow the soil of our hearts through prayer and prepare ourselves and our churches to receive the harvest that is ready in our own back yard communities...

so LET US PRAY!!

Dawn

Called Out, Set Apart and Sent

Speaker: Pastor John Hatcher

There were many messages this week that touched the core of my very being. It is so hard to pick the one's that I should write about. Since my computer is down with a virus and I am writing from a remote computer, I may have to write about the messages in installments.

For my thoughts tonight, I will pick the message Pastor John entitled "10 Paradigm Shifts: Positioning the church for transition". For the sake of my readers, I will briefly list his 10 points, but I will only be journaling my thoughts on one point in particular point.

10 Paradigm Shifts: Positioning the Church for Transition

1. We need to switch from building walls to building bridges
2. we need to switch from measuring attendance to measuring impact
3. we need to switch from encouraging Saints to attend the service to equipping the Saints for works of service.
4. congregation needs to switch from "serve us" to service
5. move from duplication of services and ministries to partnering with existing ministries and services
6. move from fellowship to functional unity
7. move from being a pastor to a congregation to being a pastor to a whole community
8. move from condemning your city to blessing and praying for your city
9. move from anecdote and speculation to valid information (minister to real needs not your perception of what they need)
10. move from always being a teacher to becoming a lifetime learner

There was far to much info on each of those topics to go into too great of detail here. So those are now just points to ponder for the reader.

I did want to take time and elaborate on one of the points he made and make some practical application of that to my life.

Pastor John made a point under his "build bridges not walls" point that hit the bulls eye in the core of my being!! He said, "We cannot so shelter ourselves to preserve our "purity" that we no longer GO!" (referring to the Great Commission).

As many of you who are following my journey, you understand the significance of this statement in my personal struggle. We had been homeschooling the kids for the last 8+ years of our lives when God told us to put the children in school. I had also, in that time of homeschooling, had many conflicts with "well meaning friends" about things I felt God had asked me to do in regards to ministry. I was constantly met with "you cant do that, you are a woman!" Or even worse, "the only ministry God has called you to is to your children and your husband...any other type of ministry would just be your own selfishness seeking after your flesh."

The more I tried to explain my passion for missions and our family's evangelistic zeal, I was met with the harshest of criticism from the people I had expected the most support. I was told time and time again that for me to keep my children "pure" or to walk in "holiness" I must do x, y and z.

This last 8 months of my life, since God began speaking to Brad and I about this journey, has been a HUGE wake up call! It is as though I am waking up from the longest dream. I am remembering the truths I once understood at the time of my salvation...yet it is almost as though I am hearing them for the first time.

Pastor John, being used of the Holy Spirit, shot an arrow of truth straignt to my heart. It was a LIGHT BULB moment for me...a EUREKA moment, if you will!! We can no longer shelter ourselves to preserve our "purity" to the point of doing violence to the Great Commission. Being pure, holy, and set apart is WHO WE ARE by virtue of the shed blood of Christ. There is nothing we can do to add to what has already been done. The work of making us holy and set apart is a completed work. Yes, we continue to walk in holiness and purity because that is who we are by virtue of being BORN AGAIN. We, as Christians, will FOREVER be the called out and set apart holy ones of Christ. That is a sealed deal by His BLOOD.

It is because of who we are (the holy and set apart ones) that we are also sent out. We cannot be holy and set apart without accomplishing the task of the great commission. Those 2 things cannot be separated. That is something I used to instinctively understand! But somewhere in our years of homeschooling, I ran across some friends, with very strong and influencing ideas, that somehow twisted that basic doctrinal issue.

I was told by one friend that my desire to do mission work was selfish because I had a family to raise and a husband to take care of. (As if I would go to the mission field without my family?? As if my husband had no desire either?) We actually looked into a missions training program and were turned down because we had one too many children. The denial letter told us that the mission organization would only be responsible for two children, not three. We were sad, but sort of had a good chuckle at the thought (and arrogance) that the mission organization thought they would be the "provider" for our family if we went to the mission field! Silly us for thinking it was God who was our Jehova Jireh! This denial only confirmed to our friend that families with children had no business attempting the great commission...after all, that is what missionaries are for!

I questioned her further about witnessing to the neighbors. Do you even see that as a legitimate means of reaching the lost for Christ? Her response was that it was only appropriate for her husband to speak to the neighbors since she was female. This went on for over 10 years to the point I quit sharing major parts of my life with this friend. How could following the basic command of Christ become so mutated and have this dead weight of legalism?

I had another friend from church was stunned when I cut my hair. (I had 17 inches cut off and donated it to locks of love.) She said, "Boy! You made a liar out of me! I just told someone the other day you would NEVER cut your hair because of the holiness thing!" Talk about a wake up call! That was one of the first realizations I had that I was being lumped into a catagory by stereotype! My friend assumed I wore long hair for religious purposes. That never entered my mind! I just preferred longer hair because my husband liked it! But he likes the shorter look too.

It seems that because I homeschooled there were a lot of stereotypes that people made false assumptions about our family. We have always felt like the black sheep in the family in our homeschooling communities because we never did anything like the rest of them...we have always walked to the beat of a different drummer. We kept our TV when friend through theirs out. We listened to contemporary music when our friends thought we were hell bound for not listening to only hymns and "melodious music"...did our contemporary music not have melodies? We did unit studies when other friends said ABeka was the best source for Christian education....hhhmmm...silly us, we just used our Bible. I preferred my jeans when other friends wore dresses only. Other friends covered their heads per 1 Corinthians 11 instructons, when I, in my heathen rebellion, I guess, cut off my hair and donated it to a company who would make wigs for critically ill children. See...we were just black sheep in our communities!

It was just a wake up call to truly understand that people really did look at those THINGS/ISSUES to measure holiness and righteousness by...and I wont even go into the fire storm that was created when we shared that God was leading us to put the kids in public school! You would have thought that we had renouced our faith and rejected our salvation!

So thanks to Pastor John, I am walking a lot more freely tonight and having a huge weight lifted from my spirit. Jesus said, "Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden, for I will give you rest. My yoke is easy and my burden is light."

I am trading the yoke of legalism and human expectations for the yoke of Christ and his burden lifting commands....

I can almost hear Leon Patillo singing the old praise chorus now...
Go ye therefore and reach all nations...Go...Go...Go...
Go ye therefore and reach all nations...Go...Go...Go...
Baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Ghost....
GO! GO! GO.....

I am just going to trust in the finished work of Christ to keep me Holy and Set Apart for His glory...and I will do all I can to GO!!

For I know whom I have believed in,
and am persuaded that He is able
to keep that which I have commited
unto him against that day.

Dawn

Dancing With my Father God in Fields of Grace

"I know my Father, my Father knows me
I dance with my Father, my Father sings over me
...and nothing can ever take that away from me!!!"
lyrics from "I am a Friend of God"

Deliverance Week on the CFNI Campus
Speaker: Carrol Thompson

There have been so many good points in this lecture series that it is hard to know where to begin blogging my thoughts...so I will simply start with the point that hit closest to home for me.

Mr Thompson's main premise has been the devestation that is caused by fatherlessness in our generation. I know first hand from having been a social worker that the breakdown of the family is the number one tool of the enemy to harden children's hearts against God. And as a child of a divorced family, I know how that devestation can really rock a child's world.

I have no malice towards either of my parents for their divorce. I know that they are human with all the inherant weaknesses we all have as humans. I still have a great relationship with both my parents and they even have a good friendship with each other...which is wonderful for the grandkids!

As I have pondered the critical points of this message I was really touched by the simple truth that ORIGIN is everything. Origin determines identity. Origin determines purpose. No wonder there is such a humanistic outcry against the teachings of Creation in the school system. If the world system can get us confused about our ORIGIN they can trap a whole generation of people who lack identity or purpose; seeing themselves as nothing more than just a biological mishap between a sperm and an egg. Nothing could be further from the truth. We have great spiritual heritage in that we are created in the image of God and indwelt by the Holy Spirit. We have divine purpose and a blood-bought identity that is of incalculable value given to us straight from our Heavenly Father.

Given this same principle, and applying it to our families, it is easy to see how an absent father can really bring a crisis of identity and a crisis of purpose to a child. There are two things that form or mold a child, according to Mr Thompson:

1. A father's heart (gives identity)
2. A father's authority (forms character)

For boys, manhood is developed through sonship. Many men exchange true manhood for the counterfeit of sexual immorality to prove their manhood. Lust and sex, without covenant, does not make a man.

For girls, womanhood is learned and given value through the father relationship. A girl who loves and adores her father will also be able to trust her father. A girl can submit to a father she trusts. As a woman, this same love and trust can be transferred to her husband. If there has been an absent father , women will tend to find their identity in control and lack the ability to trust and submit to her husband...or to God.

Feminism is birthed out of fatherlessness. Feminism rejects marriage, rejects family and can pervert itself into homosexuality.

As I pondered all of these thoughts today, I was deeply aware of the grace of God in my life! I lived with my father for most of my formative years. There was a seed of value that was sown deep into my heart from my father. I remember how proud he was of me when I would cook him dinner, or iron his shirts...or even go bass fishing with him! I knew him as more than a father but also my friend. I looked forward to his coming home every day and having dinner ready. By wanting to please him, I learned what he valued as important and it helped shape the woman I am today. Family is the center of my world!

There was a time when I was 15 that I had been raped and assaulted by a "friend" from school. Suddenly my whole world went into a tailspin. In shame I hid the bruises. I was afraid to ask for help. It was a short time later that I was in a counselors office being seen for severe depression that I shared all that had happened. It took me almost 3 years before I shared with my father what had happened. I saw his compassion and his righteous indignation about the person who had hurt me and changed my life forever. He never once looked at me as a person who had lost value in his eyes...he simply saw his daughter and I knew he loved me.

Dad and mom both encouraged and helped me go to college. I built a new life away from dark memories. I made new friends...and I met Christ on a personal level!

When I arrived at college it was not long before I met the man I would marry. To this day I still tell him that he is just the kind of man that my father would have chosen for me! My husband and my father are two peas in a pod, cut from the same cloth....and I cherish that greatly!

I cannot imagine how differently my life would have been had my father never been an integral part of my life! How does a young girl survive with all the issues of self worth and identity that are intertwined with the violation of the body and not have a father there to assure them of their value? I am just thankful that I did have a father that was there when I was finally able able to share.

I know that it is the grace of God, despite the divorce of my parents, that gave my father the DESIRE and the "want to" to be a father to his children! That has made an eternal difference in my life, especially when he could have done as many fathers do--he could have just walked away and never looked back...but he chose to stay.

And for that, I am grateful!!

Dawn

Write the Vision Make it Clear

And the LORD answered me, and said, Write the vision,
and make it plain upon tables,

that he may run that readeth it.
Habakuk 2: 2

Today I find myself reflecting again on the message taught by Mike Smalley. Here are a few of the facts he tossed at us:

1. Only 3% of Christians ever write down their goals.

2. God is a writer! He put everything of significance in writing--a permanent written record.

3. You are a special creation fashioned in the image of God and indwelt by the Holy Spirit. The life and testimony that God has given you is worthy of being documented.

I have told my husband for years that there is a book yet to be written in my heart. I am an avid writer. There was a time in my past that writing was my only source of income as I was a young reporter on the staff of a small town newspaper, and again later when Brad and I owned our own Christian newspaper.

I have been really putting some thought and prayer into this journey God has called me on. Today I still have no specifics in what He is wanting to do in my life by bringing me to CFNI. All I can say is that I am glad that I am here.
This has been my Abraham experience. God has asked me to leave my comfort zone of all that was familiar to me and go to a land that I did not know. So as I journey this road while at CFNI I am keeping a tender heart toward the leading of the Holy Spirit.

The more I pray and seek the Lord the more I can see a bigger picture unfolding. So for now, I am just going to keep this journal/blog as a record of the things God is showing me, and trust it all to prayer.

One of the things God has laid on my heart for after my time at CFNI is to pursue my Masters Degree in Social Work. This did not really thrill me because I had MAJOR issues with the entire field of social work when I received my bachelors degree and was part in parcel why I never fully embraced that as an option for my life. So when God started bringing this issue up with me I immediately cringed. I thought to myself, surely I misunderstood Him! So I began looking into a Masters program in Counseling. God came back with SOCIAL WORK. So I prayed all the more.

During this time our church had sent a team to Nicaragua to work with one of our missionaries Sandy Carter. I spent a lot of time that week in prayer for NIcaragua and the children in Sandy's orphanages. I was reminded of Sandy's prayer request of me when she was at our church in April. She told me that she had a friend who was a nurse in one of the hospitals in Managua. She said the hospital was being over run with newborns who were being abandoned at the hospital after the birth. The parents, who were living in such dire poverty, felt the babies would have a better chance if left at the hospital for a better life. The only problem is that the hospital does not have the resources to keep up with care of the abandoned babies. So it finally came down from the hospital officials that the abandoned babies would be left in their cribs to die because they did not have the resources to feed and care for the abandoned babies. Sandy's friend asked her to get her infant orphanage up and running as soon as possible so these babies would not be left to die in such horrid circumstances as starvation and dehydration.

As I spent that week praying I remembered that Sandy said she had found supernatural favor with some of the Nicaraguan government officials and that they are working on opening the doors of Nicaragua for international adoption. As it stands now, international adoptions are not legal in Nicaragua. Sandy said the laws are in process to open the doors and that she hopes to see process become a reality in about 2 years.

God has really burdened my heart of the international adoption of the children in Nicaragua. I have the ability , if I get my master's degree, to begin to do homestudies of families wishing to adopt. It is all together possible that God could put me in position so that we can have families lined up here in the states that are approved and ready to go to Nicaragua and adopt those children when those doors open in two years.

Can I say for certain this is a "Thus Sayeth the Lord" type of message to my heart? No...but for now, this is the burden I feel and I can definitely see that if this is the path God is leading me that my masters in Social Work would be a necessity!

One of the things that has perplexed me, in a humorous sort of way, is that most people get called to CFNI to become missionaries, pastors, youth leaders or worship leaders. And here I sit thinking that God may be calling me to be a social worker?

I am not about to second guess the wisdom of the Lord in bringing me to CFNI...I am just thankful that He did! Who knows, maybe I will be able to meet MANY students that have a Divinely called heart for Nicaragua as well. Maybe I can share the plight of the Nicaraguan children and Sandy's ministry with future missionaries that will be called to work along side of her...and maybe ...just maybe...that after losing 7 babies from my womb, who were born in Glory, that maybe...just maybe...there is a child(ren) in Nicaragua that God has for us to embrace and welcome into our own family....just maybe.

So, make clear the vision...write it down...so that those who read it may RUN steady and sure!

My Vision:

To engage in spiritual battle for the children of Nicaragua

To politically see the doors open supernaturally by an unexpected
political act of the government of Nicaragua (remember, the heart of the king is in the LORD'S hands!)

To pray into existence a missionary force that is called to work
along side of Sandy Carter in Managua, Nicaragua and workers to staff her orphanages

to pray, participate and share the NEEDS for the provision of Sandy's work...financial needs and manpower needs. The harvest is plenty, the
workers are few.

To do my part in getting my master's degree and specialize
in international adoptions

And if it is God's will I even have a dream of opening an international adoption agency out of Arlington...and as a master's level social worker...I would be qualified and able to do that.

Here am I Lord, send me! Do with me as you will.
Dawn

For more information on the ministry of Sandy Carter in Nicaragua:
http://www.childrenofdestinynicaragua.org/

Beware of Critics in Your Inner Circle

This morning I am going over my notes from my first week of school at CFNI. I am still in awe of all that the Lord ministered to my heart this week. It was as if I received a massive download from Heaven (thus the name of this blog) and now I must process all of this because it is just too good to lose!

I am specifically looking at the notes from Friday's speaker Mike Smalley on the 7 reasons people fail in their life. Here is a brief highlight:

1. Failure to meet daily with the Lord.
2. living in the center of your weakness, not strength
3. not memorizing scripture
4. Rebellion to authority
5. no written goals
6. believing the lie "if you love God it all automatically works out fine"
7. allowing critics in your inner circle

I specificaly wanted to focus in on the last...allowing critics
into your inner circle. Looking over my life and wondering why it took me so long to truly submit to the Lord in the area of ministry...10+ years of true wrestling...I noticed one constant theme running through those times of wrestling--The voice of the critic.

This is not to say I place blame there. I don't. I am an adult and fully accountable to the Lord for my resistence to Him, but to deny the influence of that continual stream of criticisms over the year would be foolish. It was not just anyone making those criticisms, it was my best and closest confidant that has been with me from my High School Days...my closest life long friend of over 17 years. Her voice carried weight with me.

In retrospect I can see that I feared losing her friendship more than I wanted to obey God. Sin and rebellion has it's natural consequences and in the end I lost that friendship anyway. Though my heart grieves the loss of that friendship I find an amazing and unusual peace that floods my heart when I realize that the bondage of those years of criticism concerning ministry have been broken.

I am reminded of the following parable: Luke 9:57-62

57 As they were going along the road, a man said to him, "I will follow you wherever you go." 58 And Jesus said to him, "Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man has nowhere to lay his head." 59 To another he said, "Follow me." But he said, "Lord, let me first go and bury my father." 60 But he said to him, "Leave the dead to bury their own dead; but as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God." 61 Another said, "I will follow you, Lord; but let me first say farewell to those at my home." 62 Jesus said to him, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God."

I put my hand to the plow in March of 1988. I got saved and hit the ground running. I immediately went off to Bible College knowing that God was calling me into youth ministry. While at college I met and married my husband. My friend from High School had always stayed in close contact with through all these years. As my church certified me for ministry (a requirement of my degree in religious studies was to be recognized by your pastor and church as having a call of God on your life) my friend's voice became a bit louder.

Being a brand new Christian I was not well versed in all of scripture. Part of my joy in being at Bible College was that I was going to "make up" for all those lost years of Sunday School I missed as a child! I was on a fast track to learning the Word!

The more I studied the Word, the more convinced I was of the call of God on my life. The more convinced I became, the louder the voice of criticism became. For the next five years it was pounded in me that the only "call" God places on a Christian woman is to be that of a wife and mother. Anything else would be unbiblical. She had all her passages lined up and though I read those same passages I came away with a different understanding than she did. So her voice became all the louder.

I understand now the danger of legalism. For all of my friend's sincere belief in what she was telling me, I never once saw her happy or joyful about her life. It was a regimented duty to endure for her...far from the abundant life Christ promised and I longed for.

My heart shattered in a million pieces when I realized the toxicity of our relationship. That was the day I was reading about Paul and Barnabus and their parting of ways after a sharp disagreement concerning John Mark. I knew I had to place some distance in this relationship. She had come to the same conclusion. So my prayer now is that we will both walk in peace in the path God has called us. And I look forward to the day, even if it is in Heaven, that we can have a testimony of restoration just as Paul and Barnabus did.

So for now, I just remain bowed before the Lord with a humble and repentant heart for allowing the critical voice to influence my walk of obedience.

Here am I Lord, send me. Mold me, shape me, use me. I am yours.

Dawn

Re-Digging The Wells of Our Forefathers

This has been a long journey. After 10 years of wrestling with God's call on my life I have found the place of total surrender. I bowed my knee and I submitted. This was not easy. In fact it was a painstaking road. Yet, I have purposed in my heart that I will not give to the Lord that which costs me nothing.

I am now walking in the midst of a destiny that I had shyed away from. I am not sure what I was so afraid of, now that I am here, sitting at the feet of the Lord and saying "Here am I send me..."

It was almost a surreal experience to show up on the campus of Christ For the Nations and look around and the multitudes of people who were on this same journey of walking out the call of God on their life. Adam McCain took the podium and poured out a prophetic word for the student body concerning Isaac re-digging the wells of his father.

Genesis 26:18
Isaac dug again the wells of water that had been dug in the
days of his father Abraham; for the Philistines had stopped them up after the death of Abraham; and he gave them the names that his father had given them.

As I listened to Adam's message I was pierced through by the Holy Spirit. I remembered the joy of my salvation experience and the fresh living water that once flowed so freely from my life. Yet somewhere on the journey my well had been filled in with dirt, debris, cement and rendered unusable. I confess, I wrestled with God long and hard over being called to the ministry. I had well meaning friends who were zealous in telling me that I did not hear God correctly because my place as a Christian woman was in my home raising children. I never doubted my call as a wife and mother, but that God was also calling me to something in addition to those duties was hard to deny. So in my years of resisting the Lord in this area, I inadvertantly filled my own well up with debris to the point of rendering it void for the purpose it was created...to bring living water.

As the message went forth, I felt a true repentance in my heart for the years I had resisted the Lord. I knew that the job before me was going to be tough. It was time to re-dig that well! I will have to get my hands dirty and expend physical labor to remove the debris...but praise God...I can hear the running water again!

I am determined now, more than ever, that my life will be forever open to my Redeemer to do with as he wills. I know I will never be able to please my friends who dont understand my calling, but I have gotten to the point that their voices are just faint memories now. I can clearly hear God calling me by name.
I don't exactly know where this journey will take me, but I completely trust my Savior who is leading me.

So join me on my journey. Maybe you have some wells that need to be dug up again too.
Dawn