Cats...Do we HAVE to love them???

I received this photo and note from my sister and I just had to share it! LOL!

Tami wrote:

Attached please find proof positive that the cats in my house rule the roost! Meet Isis, Shannon's (my oldest daughter) cat...This little lady thinks she is so important that she knocked the star off the top of the tree and replaced it with her very own butt!

Also, please meet Lola (yellow bird), Jade (green bird) & Skye (blue bird)...they are the parakeets trapped in the cage directly in Isis' line of vision...poor babies!!

Merry Christmas Y'all!!
Tami

Adoption...well, kind of!

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Several years ago, Brad and I began the adoption process to adopt a pair of siblings that were in state custody for abuse and neglect. During the process I encountered another miscarriage. Due to the miscarriage, the state considered the miscarriage to be a "death in the family" and it caused the adoption process to be halted for a year.

That was very devestating to us and the children. We already had photos of the girls we were in the process of adopting on the fridge. Kenya and Sabra were going to be part of our forever family...but the adoption process desintegrated in the midst of the miscarriage. After the year was up, and we were eligible to start the process again, Sabra and Kenya were already adopted out and we decided that it was just too traumatic of an experience to go through again.

As I look back on that time, almost 4 years ago, I see how sometimes that God answers our prayers in ways that were not expected. We prayed to be adoptive parents. Yet today, as I look around my house, I see children all over the place! Only 3 belong to us, but the rest of the kids have adopted US as a family! Yes, they have their own family and their own parents, but due to schedules and what not, these kids are mostly left alone...so I find many a neighborhood kid calling me "mom".

Just today I went to pick Laura up from school early due to the weather. When I arrived in the office one of the neighborhood kids was sitting in there and asked me to take him home. I told him to get his mom's permission and I would be glad to take him home. The school was unable to reach her. He had been in the office since noon and it was almost 3:30 by this point. The child had been suspended and no one could contact a parent. Reluctantly the secretary just told me to sign him out and take him home since they could not reach a parent and it was close to the end of the school day. I felt sort of sad for the kid!

I picked up both he and his brother and took them home. He asked me to wait to make sure he could get in the house as he had forgotten the key. He went in and his parents were asleep. They work night shift. Aparantly they had slept through the phone calls from the school. So he asked if they could come to our house. I brought them home and one of my kids announced that it was one of the brothers birthday! So we all gathered around and sang Happy Birthday to the younger one. I asked Brad to give the older brother a "father" conversation about his being suspended from school and see what was going on with him personally.

Just last week these same boys were over at the house while we were decorating the Christmas tree. It seems as though they have just assimilated right into our family! They are over almost every day after school and most nights we have to run them off to go home and eat dinner or make them leave by 8 or 9 PM...because if we did not make them leave, I'm not sure they would! We've never even gotten a phone call from their parents looking for them. So we figured if they have adopted us as a second family, we may as well exert some family influence over them!

Several months ago we began inviting the boys to the youth group's 5th quarter parties once a month at our church. They also began going with us on Wed. nights. A few weeks ago the younger brother gave his life to the Lord at youth group. Since then he has been calling on Sunday mornings to see if he can get a ride to church for Sunday as well. He gets himself up and ready and walks to our home for a ride to church. In one sense it really breaks my heart that his parents are not involved more in this part of his life, but I see this is an opportunity to pull his parents in!! His parents obviously trust us, so this will be a way we can reach his parents through the children!

My daughter has also befriended a girl who is in desperate need of a "family" as well. Katie has also sort of just melded into the woodwork of the Irons family home. Recently we had Laura's 13th birthday party where had a "makeover" party. After it was all over, the adults that were still there all wanted to pray over Laura. So we put Laura in a chair and we all gathered around her. We layed our hands on her and prayed prayers of blessing over her. It was not long before Katie ran out of the room and locked herself in the bathroom. It took almost 45 minutes to coax Katie out of the bathroom. When she emerged she had a tear streaked face and was nearly hyperventilating. I gave the girls time to talk with her and when things seemed to have calmed down some I popped in and asked if they would all like to go for a cappacino. I asked Katie if everything was okay and her eyes started to well up with tears again...all she could manage to say is, "I have never seen anyone loved like that."

So as I look at the landscape of my home these days, my family is still just 3 biological children...but the prayers for adoption have been answered in a way I never dreamed was possible. These extra kids that adorn our home seem to have adopted us. On any given day when I pick my oldest son up at school I am also picking up 4 other kids who seem to also live at our house on a regular basis! Our family is much larger than biology can claim! I find I genuinely love these kids. They have real issues in their lives and more than anything they just want a family that will be involved...and they seem to have chosen us...and for that I am grateful for the role we can play in their life today...and hopefully ETERNALLY!

Dawn

Thank You

Remembering the Sacrifices of Our Military Veterans

I found this photo to be particularly moving.
I was torn somewhere between tears and disgust.

It is often said that the opposite of LOVE is not hate, but rather APATHY and INDIFFERNECE.

Love and hate are both passionate emotions...and apathy and indifference are the opposite.

As I watch my 14 year old son, becoming quite a Young Man, wear his military uniform for the Air Force ROTC, I recall the times I spent with him when we homeschooling discussing patriotism.

Christopher really understood and took to heart, even as a first grade child, the importance of involvement in being an American citizen. By the time he was in 4th grade he had personally written a letter to President George Bush about the federal court in California that ruled the Pledge of Allegiance to the American Flag was unconstitutional. He asked for the President to get involved and protect our rights to have UNDER GOD in our pledge. Christopher got a personal letter signed by the president back in the mail.

So as I look at this photo and see the apathy and indifference of the crowd, it breaks my heart. There is one man who seems to remember and recall a pledge he took as a child, as a veteran, as an American. It meant something to him. It was just 5 short years ago, after 9-11, that the FLAG meant something to Americans. There were even reports of people stealing flags because there was such ahigh demand for American flags that all retailers and manufacturers were sold out and could not keep up with the demand.

My how things have changed in just 5 years. I choose to remember and honor those who have chosen to serve in our military forces. When I say the pledge of allegiance, it really MEANS something to me. I have raised my children to know and believe that there are really only 2 good reasons to lay down your life.

1. For your faith in Jesus Christ. Choose death over renouncing your personal faith in Christ.
2. For the protection of America which gives us our freedoms to worship freely, freedom of speech, and our being a sovreign nation.

For all the great causes that are in the world today, I still find that there are really only 2 worth dying for.

I would like to thank those of you who have served our country to give us the freedoms we have.

Thank you, David Kerr
Thank you, Stan King
Thank you, Harry Huff
Thank you, Mel Sampley
Thank you, Mark Gomez
Thank you, Mark Bowman
Thank you, Pat Conner
Thank you, Jack Conner
Thank you, Russ Brown

...and for any I may have forgotten...THANK YOU!

It is the VETERAN , not the preacher,
who has given us freedom of religion.

It is the VETERAN , not the reporter,
who has given us freedom of the press.

It is the VETERAN , not the poet,
who has given us freedom of speech.

It is the VETERAN , not the campus organizer,
who has given us freedom to assemble.

It is the VETERAN , not the lawyer,
who has given us the right to a fair trial.

It is the VETERAN , not the politician,
Who has given us the right to vote.

It is the VETERAN who salutes the flag,
and the VETERAN who serves under the flag.

The Oath of Allegiance has no expiration date.
And God help us all when the American Flag becomes just a form of entertainment in a parade.
God BLESS those who honor and know the significance of the flag to our country and our veterans!

Go HUG a veteran today and say THANK YOU!!

Love, Dawn

A Disturbing Dream--revisited

I had 2 friends ask me today, at different times, if I had been given any more insight into disturbing dream about the mammoth tree that looked vibrant, yet fell over DEAD.

This came on the heels of my husband telling me some very HEART BREAKING news for me about the church denomination in which I was saved. My heart just sank when I heard the news.

Read the AP article here to understand the rest of my post:
http://www.dfw.com/mld/dfw/community/15787248.htm

After reading this, my heart just ACHED. I felt almost sick inside.
I've been thinking about this all day...almost grieving, in a way.
It was like finding out that a close relative has been seriously injured and they are in critical condition.

It wasn't until I got home and there was an email from another friend asking about my tree dream that I went back and looked at the date I had the dream. I had the dream on OCT 17 and posted in my blog about the dream on OCT 18th.

Now I am NOT saying this is a "thus sayeth the Lord" kind of thing...but I did find it striking that this decision that was handed down by the Baptist Seminary hit the news in the Ft Worth Star Telegram on October 18...the very day AFTER the dream I had the night before.

So what does it mean?? I don't know! I don't even like the implications of what it could mean!
I owe a debt of gratitude to the Baptist church!! That is where I was born again at the age of 18. I never regret my baptist heritage!! But I shutter to think of what is going on in the heartbeat of the general convention.

I know very well the differences in denominations...but it was **IN** the baptist church that I was taught about the baptism of the Holy Spirit and received the baptism with evidence of speaking in tongues...so even this was a part of my baptist heritage!

I have been very disturbed in my spirit all day about this. I drank lots of coffee tonight because I do not look forward to sleeping tonight and possibly dreaming about what has been so heavy on my heart today!

I truly feel like part of my FAMILY in Christ is in severe danger!

This seminary president has fired faculty members who have received and practice this spiritual gift. The baptist international mission board is threatening to withdraw funding to their missionaries overseas who operate in this gifting. Letters have been written to churches basically telling them to "cease and desist" if their staff or members have a private prayer language.

I am still a bit shocked and stunned after hearing this today. I have NUMEROUS friends in leadership positions in the baptist church that are spirit filled with the evidence of speaking in tongues and I wonder what will happen to them. I know if faced with an ultimatum, there would be no decision to be made at all...they would never deny the gift of God and the power of the Holy Spirit moving in their personal life or their church.

I find it terribly disturbing that a denominational leader would dare threaten their members with excommunication from the church for practicing a biblical gift that operates in their prayer life...not just publically...BUT PRIVATELY!

I am no expert in the area of the judgment of God...but I truly fear for my Baptist FAMILY members. I cant even begin to imagine how one would explain to God that kind of HARSH treatment of the Children of God.

What is that old saying...Absolute power corrupts absolutely?

Does one man really have that much influence over an entire denomination and a general convention??

Is this really an issue worth devestating an entire church and denomination over? Paul said that it is the least of the gifts...but a legitimate gift...and even went so far as to warn the church to NEVER FORBID the speaking in tongues.

My heart is SICK with concern for the state of my "spiritual family of origin".

Scripture says the Fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom.
Is this what happens when the fear of the LORD is lost and the institution of man/denomination is exalted?

My heart is just SICK...sick...sick...with concern. I don't even know what to pray! I certainly DO NOT wish to see the judgment of God fall on the entire Baptist church!! They are part of my spiritual family!

I guess the irony of all is that scripture also says that when we do not know how to pray, the Holy Spirit will intercede through us with groanings to deep for words...I have found in those times, that is when I most earnestly pray in the spirit with my prayer language. So I will pray in the spirit for my Baptist brothers and sisters ...and pray God, in His great mercy will cover this situation with His divine intervention. I will also pray that God not destroy or bring judgment on an entire denomination for bad leadership decisions. I will pray in God's mercy that the leadership be removed...not the lampstand of the entire church!!

The Baptist Church surely is MAMMOTH in size, influence and power...and its roots go deep and to the core!
I shudder at the thought that my dream about the tree has anything to do with this situation...but if it causes me to PRAY in earnest for this situation--that can't be a bad thing, right?

I feel the need to stop by Cornerstone Baptist Church (but will probably write a letter instead), here in Arlington, and just give Pastor McKissic a huge HUG and thank him for standing on his conviction and the WORD of GOD...He is the lone voice on the board of trustees at the Seminary. He is not relinquishing his position either. He is much like Daniel in the lions den...he will need the Sovreign hand of God to navigate his terrain.

I guess I should quit dwelling on this and start PRAYING!

Taking my heartsick self to go pray now...

Love, Dawn

Still Dreaming the Dream

"I have a dream that one day my children will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."

Martin Luther King, Jr.

~

I had a very frustrating experience today. I was on my way to take some cakes to the church for the annual fall festival and as I was driving through the school zone near our home I noticed some kids playing some dangerous games.

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It appeared that they were playing truth or dare...or something of the like. There were three kids lined up on the very edge of the curb and as traffic began to get closer, some of the other kids would shove the kids standing onto the curb into oncoming traffic! I just knew someone was going to get hurt! I went a bit further down the road where another group of kids were standing and one kid was taking violin cases and sliding them across the road as cars were approaching! At that point I picked up my cell and called 911 thinking someone could get really hurt--the kids or the drivers...or maybe both.

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I explained the situation to the emergency worker on the phone. Then the worker asked me if the kids were black or hispanic. That sort of caught me off guard as I sat there in stunned silence. The emergency worker asked if I was still there. I finally told them that the kids shoving the other kids into traffic were black, but the kids throwing the instruments across the street were WHITE.

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I guess it just frustrated me that "black and hispanic" were the only choices offererd to me by the emergency personnel. Trust me...white kids can be idiots too!! I know...I was one!!

On one hand I KNOW the officers needed to know some identifying characteristics if they were going to stop and question some of the kids...but it just bothered me that they simply did not ask what race the kids were rather than just assuming they had to be black or hispanic!

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I'd like to think we have come a long way since the DREAM was first spoken of by Martin Luther King, Jr. But there are days like today I wonder if I am just kidding myself. Even today when I went to vote at a city office, I looked at the free literature rack when I was leaving, and I know whoever left this was NOT given permission to do so, but there was a pamphlet about the local neo-nazi group looking for new recruits! I was torn between wanting to take it and trash it before some kid got a hold of it and being horribly embarrassed if someone saw me take it! UGH!!

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I wonder what progress the lady above thinks our country has made. She is one of the original "Little Rock 9" who were integrated into Central High by order of the president and under protection of the national guard!

Are we making progress? I'd like to think so....but today, I stopped and really had to wonder.

Does it ever concern you that our police officers are trained to use their weapons at the following targets?

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I don't know about you...but as the wife of a black man, I don't like knowing that police officers are trained to shoot at black targets!

How about we bless the police departments with human silhouetted purple-polka-dotted-targets.

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Just something that crossed my mind today when I was asked if the kids were black or hispanic that were involved in the mischief today.

Dawn

A Disturbing Dream

I had a dream last night that left me rather disturbed when I woke up.

I am one of those people who every now and then that has a dream that I am convinced is a "God Dream".

Some dreams I know are just bad pizza before bed...and those are pretty easily discerned. But THIS dream was NOT one of those dreams.

This was one of those "God Dreams". And what left me disturbed is that though I have these dreams, I am not quite the dream interpreter that Joseph was!

Oh, I can give it the old college try. And usually when I start to tell someone about my dream, God may enlighten me a bit about the meaning. But this dream still left me with very disturbed when I woke.

In my dream God brough me before a very HUGE tree. It was mammoth in size and just beautiful to behold. It was lush. What God pointed out to me in the dream was the very intricate root system of this tree. Not only could I see some of the roots that had made their way above the soil surface and shot out from the tree about 15 feet on either side, I was able to get closer to the tree and see about 6 feet beneath the surface of the ground at how deeply rooted this tree was into the soil. By all appearances, this was a very health tree.

As I stood back and took in "the big picture" of the beauty of this tree, it literally fell over dead.

DEAD!
...and I woke up.
...very disturbed by the dream.

I was telling Brad and the kids about my dream tonight after church. As I was telling them the details, I was reminded of Psalm One. So I grabbed my bible and read. It is about a tree (of sorts!)

Psalm 1

How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stand in the path of sinners,
nor sit in the seat of scoffers!
But his delight is in the law of the Lord,
and in His law he meditates day and night.
He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water,
which yield its fruit in its season
and its leaf does not wither;
And in whatever he does, he prospers.

The wicked are not so,
but they are like chaff which the wind drives away.
Therefore, the wicked will not stand in the judgment.
Nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.
For the Lord knows the way of the righteous,
But the way of the wicked will perish.

So are there any "Jospehs" in my group of friends that want to take a stab at the meaning of that one??

I prefer the dreams when I am swimming with the dolphins!


Blessings,
Dawn

What Can One Voice Do?

A Call For Help

It was a dark and stormy night....

No, WAIT! That is the start of a fictional horror story! If only...

What the Lyme community has just been dealt in America is a crushing blow that is tanamount to a death sentence...and why? The pride and arrogance of a massive Goliath giant called the Infectious Disease Society of America (IDSA).

I am sending this out to all my friends and family desperately trying to raise awareness and to help you understand what is at risk. You may ask, "What can one voice do?" and I just want to challenge you...you'll never know until you try!

To fully understand the main problem I need you to first read this following article called "The Proof's in the Pudding" by Donna Reagan. She spells it out in easy to understand language (and humor) the problem between the IDSA doctors and the International Lyme and Associated Disease Society (ILADS).

This will lay the ground work for you to understand what was just released this week by IDSA is such a crushing blow to Lyme Disease patients.

This week IDSA releasedtheir new 2006 diagnostic and treatment guidelines for Lyme disease.

Va., Oct. 2 -- In response to growing concern and confusionabout Lyme
disease, the Infectious Diseases Society of America (IDSA) has updated its
Clinical Practice Guidelines on the disease, in order to provide guidance to
physicians and patients based on the latest scientific evidence.

The guidelines were originally published in 2000.The most significant changes in the updated
version include:

The addition of information on human granulocytic anaplasmosis (HGA)and babesiosis, two diseases transmitted by the same tick that transmits Lyme disease; Recommendations of a single dose of an antibiotic for certain high-risk patients who have been bitten by a tick but do not have symptoms of Lyme disease; Expanded discussion and definition of so-called "chronic" or post-Lyme syndromes.

The Guidelines, developed by an expert panel according to widely accepted criteria for evidence-based medicine, contain updated information on the epidemiology, clinical features and diagnosis of Lyme disease, according to Gary P. Wormser, Chief, Division of Infectious Diseases and Vice Chairman of the Department of Medicine, New York Medical College.

Dr. Wormser is lead author of IDSA's 2006 Lyme disease guidelines and chair of the
expert pane lthat developed the guidelines.

At a Glance.. .The Infectious Diseases Society of America has updated Guidelines to help physicians and patients in the diagnosis and treatment of Lyme disease... 95 percent of cases of Lyme disease are cured with 10 - 28 days of oral antibiotics... Long-term antibiotic treatment is not proven to be effective and maybe dangerous.

To be certain they get the proper medical care, patients who have lingering symptoms after proper treatment (those with so-called "chronic" Lyme disease) should ask their doctors if the
diagnosis was accurate or if they may have a different or new illness.

You may wonder why this is such a big deal. Let me explain...IDSA is comprised of 8,000 doctors. Lyme patients have had very little success in getting well under their treatment plan and most move on to ILADS doctors. There are about 200-300 ILADS doctors in America. These doctors have an amazing rate of getting people well and leading a much better quality of life than those who were previously treated under IDSA guidelines and remained sick.

The first danger of these new guidelines in that IDSA continues to deny the existance of Chronic late stage lyme disease. They say it is cured in 10-28 days of antibiotics.

Insurance coverage bases what they will cover on IDSA guidelines. So in the very near future Lyme patients all over the country are going to be experiencing a denial of coverage for the treatment protocols from ILADS doctors.

Lets look at some interesting evidence...

There are ILADS doctors that are willing to face medical boards and fight for their licenses becasue they know the treatment protocols they are using with their patients are working and patients are seeing great remissions and even cures after treatment. They are willing to completely lay their livlihood and future medical practice down to fight for the treatments that are working!

Do you think for one minute that a doctor would risk his career for a lie?

This reminds me of the old apologetics technique I learned in college when defending the faith. Remember the twelve disciples? Each one of them died a violent death, refusing to reject Christ and his teachings and claims of death, burial and resurrection. Do you think they would have willingly endured the deaths they experienced in order to protect a LIE? NO!! They fully believes, experienced first hand, and knew the testimony was TRUE...so they went to their death for the sake of the TRUTH...as are many ILADS doctors when facing the medical boards for daring to disagree with the great Goliath named IDSA.

IDSA cannot claim that they have seen any benefit of treating with long term antibiotics and seeing results because they have never done testing longer than 28 days...their preconceived view of when any infection should be cured. They refuse to think outside the box.

ILADS on the other hand, who has done treatments of chronic Lyme patients for as long as 3-5 years...sometimes longer, have seen patients in wheel chairs walk, have seen people misdiagnosed with "ALS" (a fatal disease) because their symptoms persisted longer than the 28 days and left to die, but when treated with long term antibiotics for the treatment of Lyme disease receive their life back. ...but I digress.

A Call to Action:

We need people nation wide to call their representatives and senators and support the current Lyme Disease legislation that is before the federal congress now. THIS IS URGENT!

This is regarding Federal Bill HR 3427: Lyme and Tick Borne Disease Prevention, Education and research Act of 2005 (yes, this has been in legislative committee THAT long!) Now it is time to ACT!!

FOR THOSE IN TEXAS...especially the Arlington area:

Rep. Joe Barton in the committee leader for this legislation and he needs to here from us! Please call his office and ask that they move this legislation OUT OF COMMITTEE and bring it to the senate for a VOTE!!

Contact information for Rep Joe Barton

Washington DC Office: phone: 202-225-2002 and fax: 202-225-3052
Arlington offices: phone: 817-543-1000 and fax: 817-548-7029

TX US Senator John Cornyn DC Phone: 202-224-2934 DC Fax: 202-228-2856
TX US Senator Kay Baily Hutchison DC Phone: 202-224-5922 DC Fax: 202-224-0776

Let's show them what our ONE VOICE can do!!

Thanks for heeding my cry for help!

Love, Dawn

He's in the Air Force Now!

Where Did the Time Go?

I was cleaning off my book shelves the other day and I ran across a book Christopher wrote in First Grade for the Young Author's Contest sponsored by our homeschool group in Belton. His book was about what he wanted to be when he grew up.

As a mother of 2 sons, I expected half of the things he wrote in his book: a police officer, a fireman, a football player...but the one that caught my attention was when he said he wanted to be in the Air Force! At six years old, this was one of Christopher's dreams for his future.

Well...the future is now upon us! Christopher enlisted into the Air Force Junior ROTC Program through the local high school. Where did the time go? It just seems like yesterday that I was washing mud pies from his hands so he could write that book for the Young Authors Contest!!

So I had to share the photos of the young man in my life who is growing up MUCH too quickly for this Mother's heart!!

Brad teaching Chris how to tie a neck tie.....

Next is my young gentleman in his ROTC Uniform:
Some close up head shots:
Whoever said "time flies by when you are having fun", had no idea how true that is ...especially when you are watching your children grow up. It just seems like yesterday he was BORN!

We are awfully proud of our fine young man, Christopher Irons!

...guess you could say we saw this coming...

A Proud Air Force (to be) Mom,
Dawn

A Friend Who Travails

Miracles Still Happen

The last few months for me have really been a great lesson about the depths of friendship...what truly defines a friendship, and what friendship is NOT--and the vast world between the two.

I have friends that I know pray for me all time. They even tell me so and I appreciate that because it is easy to forget sometimes that the war is not with flesh and blood and I have warriors watching my back!

I don't minimize those prayers at all...but if you were to ask me if I had a friend that would LITERALLY give up a whole night of sleep to truly war in prayer for me, to stand guard in prayer through the third watch of the night...I don't know that I could have so easily answered that one...until today.

Some of you may already know about our recent trip to the ER after completely losing my ability to walk. I began limping for no apparent reason last Friday. I had not injured my leg in any way. By Monday I was completely unable to walk. The pain was more than excruciating. They gave me Morphine at the ER that could not even touch the pain. The diagnosis was that I had a flare up of Lyme Arthritis. It was not known if this would be a temporary or permanent problem as Lyme Arthritis can be permanently crippling. Tuesday the pain was no better, in fact much worse. At this point genuine fear had set in and gripped my heart.

The sudden reality of what I could not do was a wake up call for me! I had to make arrangements for other people to get my kids to and from school. Brad took off work so that he could pick Chris up across town after his ROTC training, after already being up for over 24 hours since he had stayed with me at the ER the night before. Brad also was making runs to the pharmacy and getting the kids something to eat for dinner...and suddenly I realized this situation was going from bad to worse before my eyes. My husband HAD to be able to sleep or he would injure himself! Battling his own case of Lyme, stress is not good for an immune system that is in high alert! At that point I felt it was time to ask for help...I needed to find a wheel chair so I could at least function on some level around the house.

I spent all of Tuesday in bed alternating ice packs and heating pads...and by bed time still had no relief. The pain meds only took the edge off but was far from "working" to relieve the pain. I spent the night tossing and turning, the pain made it too hard to get comfortable. Eventually morning came. I sat on the side of bed, and for the first time I realized I had not yelped in pain as I rolled over. I reached for the crutch a friend had loaned me and steadied myself as I stood up...no pain. I took a few steps with the crutch...no pain. I put the crutch down and walked into the bathroom...no pain. I walked into the livingroom where my daughter was getting ready for school and I held both hands in the air..."Look...no crutches!" Cheers came from the livingroom!

Bear with me as I use a new word my friend Donna taught me....
I was rather "bumfuzzled" by the drastic change of events from the previous 2 days!! GO GOD!!!

Later this afternoon Brad told me that my Pastor's wife, Debi, had called and wanted to cook us dinner for tomorrow night. I called her back feeling a bit guilty and that I might be getting a free meal under false pretenses! After all...I was walking!!!

It was then that she shared with me that God woke her up last night and she literally prayed ALL NIGHT for my healing. I was about beside myself when I told her that I truly woke up this morning with no pain and I was able to WALK!!

I have never had such a drastic and immediate answer to prayer before!! And I , of all people, know there was no over-exaggeration of my pain and inability to walk. You lose all sense of dignity when someone has to help you use the bathroom because you can't walk....(you just cant fake that kind of indignity! At least not when you VALUE modesty!)

As I mentioned before, I have been doing a lot of thinking lately...and even re-defining what friendship really is. In retrospect, I just ended a 19 year friendship that boiled down to be of little substance and was very unhealthy. Yet, right here under my nose, was a friend that I rarely get to spend time with other than in passing at church and a few hurried moments before or after a bible study at her home...yet the substance of THIS friendship proved to be more real and authentic than the fruit (or lack thereof) of a 19 year friendship that just ended.

I guess Debi has really raised the bar of what a quality friend really is. I long to be a friend like that...and God permitting, I plan on learning a lot from this wise woman of faith! Many friends will pray for you...but how many will pray ALL NIGHT for you until they see the breakthrough?

I have that kind of friend! When she speaks into my life...I listen. God does not place precious and priceless gems like this in your path to be stepped over and ignored! She is a Titus 2 woman if I ever met one! Through her faithfulness in prayer, she has won a place in my heart that few will ever enter.

I wish for you all to have a friend like Debi Kerr!

Dawn

When Facing Adversity Remember The Carrot, The Egg and a Cup of Coffee

A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee...

You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again. A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word. In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see."

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength? Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart? Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity?

Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean? May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying. It's easier to build a child than repair an adult. This is so true. May we all be COFFEE !!

Resurrection of a Dream

God is Never Late, He is Right on Time

For those of you who know me, and know me well, know that there is a part of my heart that will forever be linked to Nicaragua. I dont know when that happened. Maybe it was the last 8 years of missions conferences at our church. I always tell my friends that the Missions Conference at our church the the highlight of my year (ahem...next to Christmas and Easter, of course!).

This year, battling with the Lyme disease, there were days that my dream of seeing Nicaragua were slipping farther and farther away. I kept holding on to scriptures that would keep my dream alive...how beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news! Many are called, but few are chose. The harvest is great, but the workers are few.

Whats a girl to do when she feels the conviction of God to do something that seems wholly impossible in the natural scheme of things? In those first months after the missions conference when I made the 1 year plan to get prepared to go, the conviction was STRONG. There was no way to discourage me. But somewhere on that journey, doubt crept in. Maybe it was the day my legs would not work correctly and I could not walk. Or maybe it was the day the skin on my arm blistered and burned on a 15 trip to the store with the sun coming in from the car window. I mean, the medication said to avoid PROLONGED sun exposure...who knew 15 minutes would be considered prolonged! How in the world would I survive a week in South America, in summertime, if I had such reactions to the sun? I can't pinpoint the actual moment I no longer believed I would actually make it to Nicaragua. But the past few days I had been thinking about Nicaragua again and there really was a doubt and disbelief. I honestly started thinking "Well if I can't go, maybe we should just send Christopher." Without realizing it, I had already accepted defeat and was making a plan B.

The last few days have been kind of tearful. I was telling Brad, I don't know what's wrong with me! I keep leaking tears! Something has been so tugging at my heart that it has kept my emotions raw for several days. At one point I was feeling like an emotional basket case and I told Brad we needed to go buy some pregnancy tests...maybe that would explain the tearfulness and tender heart! No pregnancy...just tears. I knew I was a mess when I was waiting in the car for Josh to get out of school and a radio commercial came on that was advertising the movie World Trade Center and by the end of the trailer I was leaking again and digging through my purse for a kleenex! A COMMERCIAL!! What is wrong with me!!??!!

Then on the way to church this morning I really felt the Lord tell me he wanted to touch my heart BEFORE I got to church. Just listening to the Worship on the radio, I started leaking again...by the time I arrived at church I was conviced that the worship team could have sung Mary Had a Little Lamb and I would have been reduced to a puddle of tears. For the life of me I could not figure out what all the emotional TURMOIL has been about!

After worship, Pastor asked the team who went to Nicaragua to come up and tell of their work their. I had no idea they would be sharing this morning. It was almost as if God just tapped me on the shoulder and said "Dont you dare let that dream die." No kidding, just the few days before I was working on "plan B" thinking maybe Chris should go. But more than ever the dream was rekindled.

When Pastor got up to preach, it was as if God sealed it with a kiss. The message this morning was about raising Lazarus from the dead. What a beautiful reminder of Jesus' ability to raise to life that which we have let die with our doubt and disbelief. Jesus still functions in a resurrection power!

Again, I cant tell you why I have such a passion for Nicaragua. When most people desire to travel to a foreign country it is to see the Eifle Tower, the beautiful cathedrals of europe...but not me...

THIS is where my heart is:This is not exactly the heart's desire of most people if given the opportunity to hop a plane and go somewhere.

On the way home from church, a song came over the radio...it seemed almost the perfect ending to a perfect day of resurrecting a dream...

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with eyes wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
********************************
"Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield

Diary of a Mad Black Woman

Brad and I watched this DVD this weekend when we went away for our medical visit in Louisiana. When you are cramped up in a hotel room, too sick to really go "see the sites" the best you can do is rent a movie from the local Block Buster, hunker down and make the best of a medical visit weekend.

It is not a movie I would have chosen on my own, but we had a friend highly reccommend it (thanks Stan!). I laughed and I cried...just an incredible movie! (There is mild language as a disclaimer.) In this photo, the grandmother Madea has just witnessed her grandaughter get pushed around by her husband who has had an affair and put her out of the house so the girlfriend and his kids can move in...well...what is any respectable grandma to do? Just sit and watch her grandchild get the shaft? At one point I asked Brad...so who is the "mad" black woman? Was it the jilted wife or the grandma? Grandma Madea in this scene has a solution to the cheating spouse...half of everything he owned belonged to her granddaughter...and which half did he want? She took a chainsaw to all of his posessions!

I laughed till I cried...I think I identified all too well with that kind of attitude that has taken all it can it take...and then there is the breaking point!

So welcome to the diary of a mad white woman tonight!!!

You know, there just comes a time where you can take NO MORE of injustice! I have had little "fires" brewing around me for the last week. At first I seemed intimidated...but NO MORE! I can't tell you WHAT the "last straw" was that broke the camels back...but whatever it was that poor camel is now permanently injured. And I find I just dont care!

My pastor preached a sermon once that said you can be a victim or you can be an overcomer! Just this last week I determined real quick the "victim" role was just not appropriate! Not for me! I have overcome too many things in my life (rape, house fires, 7 miscarriages, chronic illness) and I am not about to let these littles threatening "fires" intimidate me anymore.

Hell hath no fury like a woman who has been badgered with injustices! This southern woman has gotten a taste of a Brooklyn Bronx attitude...and I know how to use it!

FIRE 1: Mid July I got a letter from Compass bank (whom I have had 3 bank accounts with over the last 3 years). The letter said they had closed all my accounts, including my new business account! They shut the account two days after I made an almost $1,000 deposit and began paying my business expenses. They returned all the checks as "account closed" and began charging me fees $36 a shot on an account I had a deposit slip showing funds available! No phone call was made. No explanation was given!

I cordially tried to speak with the Bank manager to find out what the problem was. He could find no reason on any of the accounts activities that would warrant them closing the accounts so he called corporate offices to find out more info. He was given a number to a reporting agency to give to me. I called this agency to see what the problem was and they said a complaint was filed by Compass. I told them the bank manager at Compass could find nothing in the account activities to warrant a complaint. So they told me to write a letter of dispute. I wrote and faxed a letter of dispute and within 24 hours I had a letter saying my dispute was denied because their records showed Compass made a complaint! (How is that for real investigation!) At this point I contacted a lawyer who has his legal assistant coaching me through everything I need to do so that in the end if the lawyer has to make a phone call or write a letter I will have done all the foot work he would have to do.

Compass told me I would have to take all issues up with the reporting agency. So I wrote my first legal letter to the company claiming federal laws that state a complaint of this kind must be provable and show me any account activity to prove such a claim. They wrote back and said Compass would have to provide that info...so back to Compass I go. Again, the bank manager can find NOTHING to substantiate the claim! So today I faxed Corporate Compass citing the same federal law that says they have 10 days to provide photocopy proof any account mismanagement from the account activity (which the bank manager has already told me he can find nothing!) So we'll see how this pans out!

FIRE 2: If you have been following our Lyme saga you know that our previous doctor made some serious malpractice mistakes and gross negligence in our care which led to further injury and caused me to have to stop treatment...and come to find out that he had been treating Brad for 3 months with the WRONG protocol!

As we switched doctors to a specialist out of state, we needed to retrieve our medical records from the former doctor. I called 3 weeks prior to our leaving for Louisiana to request our records. The nurse told me that they could not release the records to me since the doc was out of the country and also that he would need to write the office notes upon his return. I questioned her about that because the office notes should have been written at the time of our office visits! She said there were NO office visit notes in our files and that he would have to write them up when he returned.

The day was approaching when we were getting ready to leave and still no records. I called the office again to check the status and the doctor picked up the phone and wanted to know WHY I filed a complaint with the medical board against him. I took a deep breath and faced this GOLIATH in my life. Victim NO MORE. I told him the reasons why and then he said he would have our records ready the next day. (Of course, bravery is one thing, stupidity is another! I had BRAD go pick up the records from his office!) Upon reading the records when we got them home, we found them to be FULL of complete fabricated material! He span a web of deceit that his own notes showed his errors and contradictions! So this morning I spent 2 hours going line by line in both of our medical records, contacting the pharmacy to get pharmaceutical records showing the discrepencies, and I wrote another addendum to the original complaint we filed with the medical board. The errors in the medical records over 6 months took 5 pages single typed space to dispute and prove wrong! (I admit I had some sort of satisfaction at seeing how he tangled himself up in his web of lies...and his own "office notes" puts the last nail in the coffin for him!)

So the adrenalin was running HIGH today as I faxed off more information and disputes of medical records to the medical board, faxes of legal letters to Compass bank and Compass CORPORATE, CC'd my lawyer and legal assistant...and I just sat there with a feeling of accomplishment...VICTIM NO MORE!! I am fighting back! I will NOT go down!!

And then wouldn't you know....the phone rang...
It was the pharmacist on the line telling me that the prescription that the doctor wrote for both Brad and I was declined by the insurance company and that it would be over $600 per script!! I swallowed hard, asked her to repeat what she had just said, took a deep breath and she told me to have my doctor call the insurance company tomorrow to begin the dispute process. I think for the better part of valor I will allow the doctor to make the first call. My adrenalin is still in high gear! I dont know that the insurance company is prepared to deal with me on full throttle after having just about all I can take of being pushed around, shoved around and generally mishandled!

I am a victim NO MORE...

Good grief, if the insurance company is going to mishandle our premiums that we pay for coverage, I have just the bank that can handle their financial affairs!!

And if Compass Bank cant come up with any better answers than "we cant find anything" they are going to need an insurance company to cover their legal liabilities! Have I got the insurance company for them!!

And God help them all if I have to get on the phone and talk with one more person who is trying to take advantage of a situation...I have just the doctor they will need to put the pieces all back together after I lose it!

I think they all deserve each other!

I think I am liking this New York state of mind!
Southern hospitality and politeness can only go so far!

I will be a VICTIM NO MORE!

Dawn

Why, Why, Why????

For those of you who struggle with knowing the resons why, here is something more to wonder about!!



Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE...
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

Pixel Perfect

I used to hold Disney highly suspect when my kids were younger. There were a lot of things in the late 80's and early 90's that just seemed so unnecessary for children's programming. But something happened in the mid 90's at Disney. I don't know what it was (probably a personnel change?) but what ever changed, I liked it!

Now that my kids are getting older we have discovered the Disney Channel. And I absolutely love so many of the "on purpose" points Disney is sending to the kids of this upcoming generation.

In a world where a girls self-image is so distorted due to constantly comparing herself to the magazine covers and a young boy's taste for the "ideal girl" are fashioned by those illusions on the magazine covers I am so glad Disney is at the forefront of blowing that myth out of the water! I love the fact that actresses like Raven Symone are shown to be beautiful and healthy; while not being the anorexic icon of Hollywood. Disney shows beauty as being more than a physical trait, but a character trait.

Not long ago, Disney made a movie called Pixel Perfect. The whole premise of the movie was that what you see on the magazines is NOT reality but rather the work of a good graphic artist at a computer who does "nips and tucks" with the click of his mouse.
Okay, well at least that is what I got our of the movie. What it was really about is a boy who designed his "ideal girl" by picking the traits that he liked in a girl. He had a hologram program on his computer that made this hologram into a lifesize clone of "The Perfect Girl"...only problem was the hologram was an illusion and when it encountered sunlight it vanished!

The boy who created this hologram had taken some of the characteristics that he liked of one of his female friends who happened to have a crush on him. He left out the characteristics that annoyed him. So he took reality, tweaked it, and created the flawless, ideal girl...an illusion, a hologram.

As the story unfolds, this hologram meets the boy's friend whom she was fashioned after...they develop a rocky, but working "relationship". The friend has no idea this new girl is not "real". Jealousy grows. In the end the boy discovers that his "pixel perfect" girlfriend is rather cold, unemotional, lacks feeling...and learns that he prefers "the real thing", his true friend...with bumps and warts and all.

There was a song from the soundtrack of this movie that showed up on my playlist in iTunes the other day. It must have been downloaded when I took music files from Brad and Laura's mp3 folder. So in the middle of the emotional roller coaster about ending the friendship that I have been talking abou this week, this song came loud and clear over my computer speakers...and suddenly I felt like I had learned a VERY profound life lesson...one I hope that my daughter will learn as we talk about these issues and how to avoid manipulative and toxic friendships.

So, I thought I would give Disney a thunderous applause for reminding this wife and mother a very valuable lesson that most people learn in junior high school!

Enjoy the lyrics of the song!

PERFECTLY

by Huckapoo

I like who I am, but I guess you don't

I think that I can

But you think I won't

Amount to anything at all

If you love me, you sure show it strange

Is there anything that you would want to change?

I can't be your paper doll.

Chorus:

I wanna be perfect, but I'm me...

I wanna be flawless

but you see

every little crack, every chip, every dent, every little mistake

I wanna be perfect

Just like you,

but there's only so much

that a girl can do

When I look in the mirror

It makes sense to me...perfectly.

I like worn out shoes

You like high heels and fantasies

But I'm what's real

I guess you could say

The shoe don't fit

Maybe I'm from Venus

You're from mars

My imperfections are what they are

I guess one of us must deal with it

I try to fit in the mold that you make

But I'm tired of playing this little charade

I wanna be perfect, but I'm me...
I wanna be flawless
but you see
every little crack, every chip, every dent, every little mistake

I wanna be perfect
Just like you,
but there's only so much
that a girl can do
When I look in the mirror
It makes sense to me...perfectly.

Hhmmmm....well, heres hoping that now that I am pushing 40 I will have mastered this very valuable life lesson that I learned from Disney as an adult!

Dawn

Holiness, Eye Patches, Free Will...OH MY!!!

I was sharing with Brad yesterday about a speaker I heard once who told a story of growing up in his grandfather's church. He specifically remembered one sermon seried his grandfather did about holiness. He said "holiness" was a very difficult concept for a kid to grasp but he was very interested in becoming holy. He prayed and asked God to send him a good example of true holiness that he could learn from.

The sermon series on holiness continued for a few weeks. One week the scriptural text for that Sunday was from Matthew 5:

27 "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' 28 But
I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

As the sermon went on he found himself needing to leave the sanctuary because he had to use the restroom. As he was leaving the sanctuary a man walked into the church wearing an eye patch! He stood there in total awe! He thought "now that must be a really Holy man because he actually DID it!"

Follow me on my rabbit trail here...Brad and I have recently discovered the TV Program "24". In one of the season closers the main character found himself and a close friend in a situation that was life and death. In order to save his friends life (who was handcuffed to a bomb that would release a catastrophic virus that would not only kill his friend, but millions of people if it went airborne) he took the axe from the emergency fire station and literally cut his friend's hand off to save the lives of many.

I remember making the comment (half in jest at the time) "You know, if your right hand offends you, cut it off! Better to lose and arm than your whole life!"

I've just never had a situation hit so close to home with me regarding this principle until it came to my decision to end this friendship I spoke about earlier this week.

I remember telling Brad for years that this particular friend was like my right arm (in our happier days). I actually know now, more than ever before, what it truly means to cut off that arm when it offends or threatens to impede your walk with the Lord.

This is one of the harder lessons of "free will" I have discovered. It is so contrary to our human nature to inflict pain upon ourselves. But I had to make a choice. In my free will, I chose to honor God with my whole heart and risk injury to myself to become wholly FREE from this situation.

There is no anesthetic for the heartache that comes. It is only the full faith and assurance that it is an act of obedience and it will be blessed. I will go free. Yet is it hard to celebrate knowing the devestation I caused...yet there is that part of me that REJOICES through the tears. Doing the right thing is not always pain free.

But I overwhelmingly sense that "great cloud of witnesses" that surrounds me and cheers me on. I am truly walking in the reality of what Jesus meant when he said, "Come to Me all who are weary, and I will give you rest. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

I have no words to adequately express how heavy and suffocating the yoke was that I just laid down. I find I am breathing easier and walking lighter.

I thank God for His indescribable gift: JESUS.

He is more than enough. He is all I need. And His grace is sufficient.

Dawn

Biblical Chemistry

I was an excellent Chemistry student in High School and College! The problem was I was a horrible math student!! My chemistry teacher could not believe I struggled with algerbra as bad as I did since I was solving and balancing equations in the chemistry lab like it was my second nature ... something I could do in my sleep.

The coach who taugh my algebra class had a conversation with my chemistry teacher once in the teacher's lounge about my math problem. Finally they both spoke with me about the matter. I tried to explain that the coach could not adequately explain the reason WHY the equation worked the way it did (yes, this has been a longtime stronghold in my life...knowing the reason WHY!) He just always told me "Because thats the rule. You dont need to know the reason why, just follow the rule and you will do fine!"

On the other hand, my chemistry teacher, by example, was able to explain the WHY of balancing the equation by our doing labs and solving for the unknown solution. It only took me ONE TIME in the chemistry lab of not following the rule (as coach suggested in algebra) to get the BIG PICTURE. It did not take me long after picking out the shards of my pyrex test tube (which is supposed to be indestructable by fire!) out of the particle board ceiling of the chem lab to understand that there is a method to the madness of the rule--even if I dont understand WHY!!

Years later, while teaching VBS in my early college days I was given the opportunity to explain the concept of the Trinity to 4 years olds! I dont know who wrote that curriculum...but I would not reccommend it! 4 year olds can ask the most difficult questions that will leave you STUMPED!! I followed the example of pouring water in an ice tray and putting in the freezer. Later I pulled out the ice cube and placed it over a pot on the stove...we watched the water boil and evaporate. Now somehow a 4 year old was supposed to get the concept that water (H2O) came in 3 forms of liquid, solid and vapor all having the same chemical compound of H2O just in 3 forms. I dont know how much that stuck with THEM, but it has stayed with me forever!

I saw the picture above and I thought it would be perfect to illustrate the deeper recesses of my mind lately! (OK...quit laughing! I can have a deep thought, ya know!!)

Lately, there has been so much going on in my life that I have been like "contents under pressure". Now I used to watch my grandmother who canned home grown veggies every summer and I KNOW what a pressure cooker does when it lets off steam! The noise could raise the dead! And everyone in the hooue stopped and looked to make sure everything was OK!

As in the photo above the E-State was to represent the "evaporative state" of the solid form of water. I have also been thinking of the 3 forms of H2O in terms of our having a body, soul and spirit.

When our lives (body) get in a state of constant pressure, will our soul (feelings and emotions) line up with the Spirit of God within us and release the E-State....the edification state??

When we are under pressure, the deepest kind of pressure, will that which forces our character to be truly revealed be one of edification ?

I know I've got a long way to go....but thanks to trying to teach 4 years old about the Trinity, I have this longing in my heart that when my ice cube melts and evaporates that I really want it to be pleasing to the Lord. I want to work towards the goal that when I am found in stressful situations that those around me will see grace under pressure. Because the grace IS THERE...but will we appropriate the grace given us in that hour or will we lean to our own understanding?

Give thanks in all circumstances for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you...1 Thes 5:18

Can we be thankful in the midst of the pressures of life??
Our witness DEPENDS on it!

Bidding JOY to your journey (and mine!!),
Dawn

A Friendship on Life Support Just Died

Notice I said a "friendship" on life support just died...not my friend...just the friendship.

This friendship has been on "life support" for over 2 years now...probably more thruthfully told for 10 years, but denial keeps me saying it has really only been the last 2 years.

Just as there is no such thing as a no fault divorce, there is no such thing as a friendship that disintegrates without the fault of both parties involved.

Guilty as charged.

Maybe even more guilty than my "friend".... I pulled the plug.

I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't handle the facade of "friendship" we both mascaraded with...the dark pretense of living a lie. We were no more true friends than a bacteria is to an antibiotic. (But we were about as toxic to each other.) Its just that at ONE TIME we were friends. But time goes on, and seasons change. The few things that once drew us close in heart and spirit are now the very things that repel us like oil and water.

I think there is just something that is ingrained in Southern Women...we must be polite. Add that to the (personal) belief that as Christians there should be no "irreconcilable differences" among Christians...and you end up with two people who just dont know it is okay to BURY the poor horse we have both repeatedly beat to death with a stick!

I knew I would feel bad...and I do feel bad. But what suprises me is the guilt I feel because of the huge sense of RELIEF I feel in just having made the decision. I wrote the letter. It is stamped and going out in the mail tomorrow. The only way this letter is not going to get to her is if she writes "return to sender" on it...and that would only confirm that we both feel this is the right decision.

I shared with one of my closest friends that I had made the decision to not continue with the turmoil of this friendship and I think she's got a $5 bet against me that I will cave!

I am learning the value of healthy friendships...and the value of letting go of toxic friendships.

I just wish I understood why letting go of the toxic relationship still hurts the heart.
Heartache and RELIEF...so many mixed emotions.

I feel like I am at the crossroads. Much like when I became a Christian. I had an old life that I enjoyed...but my new life held much promise and hope. Both held my heart...but I made a choice. I cut ties to my old life and began a NEW LIFE...and I was blessed.

I feel like I have to cut off this friendship to ever feel whole and healthy again.

Who knows...she may feel just as relieved. Maybe we were both just to polite to want to hurt the other.

I guess that was a pretty bad eulogy to a pretty bad end to a friendship.
My son has a T-Shirt that says "Live your life so the Preacher doesn't have to LIE at your funeral!"
I wish I had more good things to say about this friendship...but right now I just can't remember any of them because it is so clouded by the toxicity of the last 2 years.

So in short...We had a 19 year friendship. It died. Now it is time to bury it.

Dawn

My Soul Longs After Thee

The Story of Starbuck: The Dog who missed his Girl

This morning we woke up to a very sick dog. We had noticed over the last 2 days that he was having diahhrea. (Sorry if that is TMI for my squeemish crowd.) But this morning it was severe. He was passing BLOOD. I knew for certain this could NOT be a good thing. I called the vet in a near panic...what was I supposed to tell Laura?
Was this FATAL?? Would we have to put our pooch down??

I begged the receptionist to let me bring Starbuck in ASAP. I woke Laura up and told her we needed to get Starbuck to the Vet. We took him outside and hosed him off (I will spare you the details, but just know there was a reason!) and we "diapered" him with a towel and took off for the vet's office.

I was truly prepared for the worse case scenario. I had been praying the whole way as I drove white-knuckled to the vet. Dear God, please let Starbuck be okay!!! And God, please dont let this vet bill be too expensive!!

The vet checked the stool sample we brought in. He looked a bit amused as he came back in and started questioning us if anything had changed in our routine over the last week. We started thinking through any ideas of what may have changed when Laura said, "I dont know, I was at camp all week." The vet looked at the dog, looked at Laura...asked me how the dog did while Laura was gone. I told him the dog seemed to just mope around the house. It was as though he knew she was gone. He sort of giggled and said he thought he knew what the problem was.

He assured us the stool sample was bacteria free, parasite free, and there was no cause of concern of there being a disease. He said "What we have here is a classic case of tummy troubles caused by separation anxiety!"
The social worker inside me just shook my head. You have GOT to be kidding me!! He went on to explain that sometimes when pets get upset they get tummy troubles like humans do. And on accasion they worry themselves sick! A stress related illness in our pup!! He gave Starbuck a steroid shot and sent us home with anti-diahhrea meds.

Once home, Starbuck has been sitting quietly at Laura's feet all morning. He has watched her every move. Even now he is watching her crochet...firmly planted at her feet.

As I was driving home I was thinking back on the old chorus:

As a deer panteth for the water
so my soul longeth after Thee.
You alone are my heart's desire
and I long to worship you...

And I just know that someday the story of Laura and Starbuck will end up in one of Brad's sermon illustrations of how our hearts should be longing after God! You have to admit....that will preach!! Now, I just need to find out if Discovery Camp has accomodations for pets next year! LOL!! What's the dog to do without his girl??

God is God and I am Not

Remembering Pastoral Advice that Helped Anchor Me

Recently I have been pondering my spiritual heritage. The strength and wisdom that my church family has sown into me over the years.

This morning, my dear friend and beloved sister in Christ, Vivian sent me a devotional that she said was a MUST READ! As I read through it, I had to agree. I wont recount the whole devotional for you, I will just copy it at the end of this post. But this devotional reminded me of one of those "anchored moments" in my Christian growth.

There are times when someone who is much like a mentor in your life says something that STICKS and changes your life forever. It is a spiritual stake in the ground...a stone of rememberance, so to speak, that Joshua spoke of, and quite often a place where you find deliverance and freedom.

The time I am remebering is after my fourth miscarriage. Were were devestated. This was the first time in all of our pregnancy losses that we had a tiny little body to deal with. Beyond the grief of losing the twins, there was an anger brewing in me at the medical community because they would not do any testing on me to find a cause of the miscarriages until I had lost 3 consecuticve babies. I needed to know an answer as to why this was happening. Since I was pregnant with twins and lost one 3 weeks prior to the other, it was as if I had two separate miscarriages though it was one twin pregnancy. Twin B (Josiah David) was a fighter! We got to see his heart beat on sonogram and then the next day he was born...far to early to survive outside of the womb. DEVESTATING.

I remember sitting in my pastors office. He shared in our loss and even shared about the losses he and his wife had earlier in their life. He was very comapssionate to our pain. As I sat there in his office expressing my anger at the medical community and the frustration of not knowing what was going on with my body that I kept miscarrying my babies, I must have said 10 times, "I just want answers. I want to know WHY!"

Pastor David, seeing past my actual question to the true need, addressed my question with, "What if God never gives you an answer?"

That kind of took me off guard because I was thinking medical answers...or so I thought. It was a Holy Spirit momen of revelation...an "anchor moment" for me. Was I really wanting to know the medical reason why? Well, in a very physical sense, YES...but there was something far deeper in my heart that needed to be addressed and Pastor recognized that. As I said in my last post, Pastor David shoots straight with you! He is honest, compassionate, and allows the Holy Spirit to bring to the surface the REAL need...and he addresses THAT need.

He sent me home with an arsenal of scriptures that I wrestled with...much like Jacob wrestling with the angel at Pinneal. Some of the passages I had to deal with, and come to terms with were "What shall separate us from the love of God?" and a list begins to form...among them are the questions of life an death. Was I going to let the death of my children separate me from the love of God?

Pastor went on to tell me the story of a friend of his in seminary who also had endured the loss of a child through miscarriage. His friend never got over his grief, became bitter and angry, and ultimately walked away from God. So pastor asked me again, "What shall separate us from the Love of God?"

Like an arrow through my heart, the truth pierced my heart and took root. And I was able to to confess like the Apostle Paul in Romans, that NOTHING shall separate me from the love of God, neither death nor life......

I am very fortunate to have a pastor who speaks truth--even when it hurts. There was a far deeper need in my life than knowing the medical reasons WHY...there was a spiritual need in my heart that he brought to my attention and helped me deal with. What if God NEVER gave me an answer to those questions? As I wrestled through several other scriptures...I finally came to the conclusion that HE is GOD and I am NOT!!

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away...BLESSED be the name of the LORD!

I hope you enjoy this devotional as much as I did!
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July 17, 2006

God questions

by John Fischer

“God is too good to be unkind, too wise to make mistakes, and too deep to explain himself.” - Unknown

Have you ever thought about the fact that God doesn't have to explain himself? Or as Paul put it, "Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor?” (Romans 11:34)

Think about how often we ask or hear the following:

Why did God allow this thing to happen to me?
Why would God allow such pain and suffering on this planet?
If there is a God, why doesn't he do something about the injustice in the world?

And then think about our attempts at answering these questions while God remains silent. We not only throw questions and challenges at him, we have the audacity to think we can speak for him as well!

The worst part about this is that we act as if we deserve answers to these and similar questions. We even go so far as to suspend belief in God until we get these questions resolved to our satisfaction. Wait a minute: This is the God of the universe we are talking about. Who do we think we are? Some of this is almost on the level of grabbing a teenager by the ear, sitting him down in a chair, and saying, “Well … aren't you going to explain yourself, young man?”

What we are missing here is a relative level of humility commensurate with some acknowledgment of who we are (and are not) and who God is. In whose book is God required to explain himself? Not in any book I know of.

Moreover, in the book he left for us, the Bible, one of its oldest stories is about a righteous and good man who was afflicted with severe loss, pain, and suffering for no apparent reason. For the bulk of the book of Job, Job listens to four friends trying to figure out his predicament. After 37 chapters of justifications, accusations, and defense, they are no closer to an answer than when they started. That's when God shows up on the scene and speaks for himself. And in four more chapters, he refuses to give one shred of evidence that he intends to answer their questions. What he does present them is a series of more questions that Job, in his finiteness cannot answer – questions that establish himself as God with no requirement to explain himself, and Job, as a mere man with limited understanding and no right to know.

In the end, Job utters these words: “You asked, 'Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorance?' It is I – and I was talking about things I knew nothing about, things far too wonderful for me … I had only heard about you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes. I take back everything I said, and I sit in dust and ashes to show my repentance.” (Job 42:3, 5-6 NLT)

One of the most fundamental steps of believing is deciding we are not God nor do we want to be. That's when we get down on our knees and worship God as God. That posture is the beginning of finding out.

A Rich Heritage and a Strong Future

Waxing Nostalgic & Still Dreaming Dreams

I went to a college that had this slogan: A Rich Heritage and a Strong Future. I used to think it was kind of corny, but it was a lot better than the other slogan they had for a while...UMHB: A great place to Live & Learn.
So in all consideration a rich heritage and a strong future really was a lot better. But you could not have convinced me of that fact THEN.

I am coming up on my 20 year high school reunion. How can that be? When I close my eyes I am still 15 years old! I am sure that could be psycho-analyzed to death but please spare me your gifted interpretations of what that may mean! LOL!

Of course, I have NO INTENTIONS of setting foot in my high school reunion!! I am the tragic tale of the cheerleader who got fat. No way I'm gonna go!! Besides, I dont want to run into "Kim S" who told me that I was too fat and ugly to ever make cheerleader. Even though I made the squad and she didn't, it is amazing what sticks with your after all those years. My fragile ego could not take proving her right....ahhhh VANITY, VANITY, all is vanity.

So let's fast forward to a MUCH HAPPIER PLACE!!!!

As I have been thinking on my heritage and my future, I realize it is those people who made the Spiritual deposits into my life that have strengthened me in Christ and made me into who I am today.

As I remember back to my day of SALVATION (March 20, 1988) I thank God for the family that he spiritually birthed me into at Woodlawn Baptist Church in Austin, Texas. I don't know that there could have been a more perfect "spiritual family of origin". These people were my anchor in a storm!! So I must share them with you!


Seated on the far left is John Molina. He was the pastor of the Spanish Mission outreach of our church. He was my first introduction to missions!

Seated center is Pastor Jack Burton. I got saved and baptized on the same day. I'm sure pastor Jack thought he better get me baptized and discipled quick before I got away! And I'm not so sure that if the church had not embraced me the way they did, that I would still be living a vibrant Christian life. This church was an IV Infusion of LIFE to me. I remember when I first felt called to ministry that I called Pastor Jack to tell him God was calling me to ministry and I needed to know what a seminary was because I thought I was supposed to go! I remember his chuckle as he explained a seminary was a graduate school after college. And it was THAT conversation that led me into pursuing a college education! I was saved in March and attending Austin community college in August!

To the far right is Tom Gillespie. He was my choir director. He was willing to take a "wide-eyed with wonder" 18 year old girl and let her sing in the adult choir. I had no idea that 18 year olds were not supposed to be "into" such activities as the adult choir...but this was my first introduction to WORSHIP...and I was hooked!

Top row left is Bryan Hall. He was my first crush as a Christian girl. He was the youth & college pastor, and much credit to his integrity, he never embarrassed me after I sent him a dozen red and yellow roses...anonymously...but I think he knew. Maybe it was because the following Sunday when he did an object lesson in the college dept. , he had the table covered with red and yellow paper....coincidence? Byran's major influence in my life was this very SIMPLE life lesson. After he heard my testimony he said this very profound thing, "Dawn, if a man HITS you, that means he does NOT like you!" Now that may sound like a no-brainer to most folks, but having just gotten out of a very abusive relationship...that was a profound and NEW thought to me! (And for the record, Bryan was single. I did not send roses to a married man! I just wanted to clarify!)

Then there was Janet Burton, pastor Jack's wife. She was the minister of Education...she was my first introduction to a woman in ministry, under authority, and able to teach.

Then the far right...Donna McCrary, Children's minister. God bless her! She gave me a job in the Child Development center when I had left my state job with the Board of Pardons and Parole so I could go to college and pursue ministry. She took a real chance with me! She trusted me, having no experience with children, with 11 two year olds. I dont know what I was thinking when I thought to do that nice little craft with the children's hand prints in tempera paint for their mothers! All 11 of them...all at once. Who knew two year olds would want to paint each other? But she loved me anyway and showed me a true example of mercy and grace! (and how to get tempera paint out of hair and clothes!)

Oooooohhhhh how I loved my first church family!! They gave me DEEP roots of faith and heritage, and then certified me for ministry and sent me off to Bible College.

While in college Brad and I settled into Cornerstone Christian Fellowship. Unfortunately I dont have their photos. But Pastor David & Petie Newsome loved us and pastored us as a young married couple. Pastor David did Joshua's baby dedication...a very special time in our life.

From Belton, we came to where we are now...The Vine Fellowship. There is such a sense of destiny and the call of God on this church...of course, you'll have to excuse my biased opinion! There are times I am certain I can hear the heartbeat of this church in my dreams.


Pastor David Kerr is a man of vision and integrity. And he will shoot straight with you! (whether you like it or not...you know, the truth hurts, but someone aught to love you enough to tell you! He has a gift because you still KNOW he loves you even after he tells you the truth!) He has baptized all three of my children and my husband. And he has been known to sing duets with Brad. His musical repotoire consists of such songs as the great 50's sound of "Wonderful" and the recent Rapping Pastor in the song "Best Days" soon to be released.
And though I first was introduced to missions at WBC, Pastor David has fanned into flame a passion for missions and it has spread through my whole family.


This is Rob Hurt (also known as the "blog police" he leaves "warnings" if my blog is not posted in a timely manner.) And much like my experience with getting saved and wanting to know what a "seminary" was, when I really felt God calling me to start writing again, I went to Rob and asked what a BLOG was...I had no clue. So it is Rob who gave me the courage to write again. I have been writing a blog now for almost a year due to Rob's encouragement. Had it not been for Rob's prodding, coaxing and harrassment...(did I say that with my outside voice??).... ahem.....I mean encouragment, I dont know that I would have started writing again. In retrospect, I can see how God has used this whole blogging experience, and being willing to write again, to launch the next chapter of my life as I have begun work with the Lyme and Chronically Ill community through the Texas Public Health Alert. The journey of starting to write begins with getting the thoughts from the brain to the paper. And blogging gave me the courage to step out when the time was right for me to begin the newspaper.


And always saving the best for last...as I journey through my spiritual heritage and embrace a strong future of hope, I owe it all to my favorite pastor of all. My husband, our family shepherd, my fearless leader, my hero. I was introduced to worship at WBC, but I have learned to LIVE a LIFE of worship by watching the example of my husband as he leads our family and an entire congregation of worshippers. I remember when we were planning our wedding, he shared with me a Keith Green song that laid a good foundation in our marriage, and it was something we both took to heart. This song said, "I pledge my head to Heaven for the Gospel. I ask no man on earth to fill my needs. As I told her when we wed, I'd truly rather be found dead, than to love her more than the One Who saved my soul."

Brad has truly been a servant leader in our home. He reminds me that Jesus LAUGHS and enjoys the simplicity of living. I look forward to a strong future that will eventually become the "rich heritage" for my children.

Love, Dawn