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Every now and then I really worry about the financial strain my health situation puts on our family. I get concerned because Brad works 2 jobs just to make ends meet and take care of us. Then yesterday the battery and starter in the van went out.
Now, in a LOGICAL sense, I know those things are not my fault...but I still feel guilty.
This morning someone at church was asking about my level of pain lately and how I have been managing it. I explained a bit about what was going on with that. I also told her that I don't know HOW it will happen, but I DO know that God will get me to the other side of this health crisis and I will stand with a testimony!
Brad had over heard the conversation and joined in. He told this woman that we really are trusting and believing for healing. Then Brad went on to tell her that when I go through these valleys of crisis and come out on the other side, that "ministries are birthed".
That sort of caught my attention...is that really what he thinks? He told me that my 9 years of work with Blessed Arrows was born out of personal adversity for the benefit of other people. ANd he expects this to be no different.
WOW...I know this may sound crazy, but to know that Brad sees "strength" in me through adversity, made me feel stronger! Hearing him say that was like a word of LIFE for me.
If I can find purpose in the pain, I can get through anything...
I guess it is sort of like giving birth...you can survive the pain by knowing the reward on the other side is, not just for your own benefit, but for the benefit of someone else!
I find that motivating!
Wow...Brad thinks that I am strong. He sees ministry to others being birthed out of my adversity. That is comforting to me right now, because I feel like a pitiful example of anything. The pain is so extreme right now that I feel like a sniveling wimp crying out for mercy. Not the epitome of "strength " in my book.
But just to know that Brad sees strength in me just made me feel like God kissed me today!
Everyone needs to have a kiss like that from God.
So this one goes out to Brad....he said the NICEST thing today!!
THANK YOU!!
Love,
Dawn
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9 comments:
Dawn, I have always considered you a strong woman and Christian. This time in your life only makes you stronger. I know what you mean about being able to get through it when you know that it will benefit someone else too. I felt that way about surviving sexual abuse. My testimony helped others and that made it more bareable.
I continue to lift you and Brad and the kids up in prayer.
Blessing, Laura
Brad spoke the truth, pure and simple. I have seen you in much pain, and yet able to get so excited about things going on with BA, or doing your best to help others/take care of others in anyway that you could. You have a strength and a grace that you will never totally be able to see for yourself, but Brad is right there to see it all and has the wisdom to know when you need to be told what he sees.
Love you,
Saprina
Dawn,
I believe you are an amazing women. You minister to me even in your time of need. The blogs you write are so deep, you are so transparent and real that it blesses me to see how you handle all that you are going through. Thank you letting the Lord use you in the midst of your pain. May the Lord's grace and mercy continue to give you strength. May his healing power manisfest in your body in Jesus name.
Wow Dawn. You just don't know how much I relate to what you said about feeling pitiful and burdensome right now. I have been feeling that way all week, due to pain. I don't feel like a good Mom because I'm not rolling on the floor with the kids, or a good wife because there is laundry to be done and dinner was grilled cheese sandwiches. But I ache so badly. Brian has been wonderful, but we as women feel like we have to do it all, all of the time.
I think it is great that Brad sees that strength in you, and I hope that now you can see the same thing through his eyes. Don't get down on yourself for things that are beyond your control. I do pray for some relief to the pain and some lessening of guilt for us both. I also pray that your van behaves itself! Rotton mechanical demons. :)
Beautifully written, Dawn. Remember, crying doesn't make you weak or mean you are weak. It takes great strength to cry, especially to cry for health. You are stronger than you realize. {{{hugs}}}
Your sis in Christ,
Suz
My Dearest Friend Dawn:
I have just read some of your blogs and the awful things that have had you under attack lately. You are an inspiration to myself and I am sure so many others in the Blessed Arrows family.
Your strength through all your physical trials is to be commended, your service to Blessed Arrows through 9 years of heartbreak is incredible,and my friend, the testimonies of your children's life are a reflection of your strong parenting skills.
How can I not think that God will use this time in your life to witness to all of us who love you and respect your goals and life stories.
I know that God has such great things in store for a faithful servant such as yourself and that you shall pass all of these spiritual tests you have placed before you with flying colors.
You already are...you never seem to be down and I can't tell you how inspirational that is to me.
Hang in there and know that you have blessed so many lives just like mine.
With all my love, prayers and dreams for you,
Dee Welch
Wow, guys! You blow me away! I had no idea so many of you felt that way about me.
This has been sort of like being a fly on the wall at your own funeral! But I admit, I am glad that I am ALIVE to hear how I have touched and blessed your lives!
I always thought it was kind of sad all the nice things people say about the person at a funeral that they never had the strength or courage to tell them while they were alive.
Your words of encouragement are like LIFE to me right now.
And I love you all so very much. Each of you have made a permanent and lasting impression on my heart and in my life.
Love, Dawn
Hello Dawn!
I've been in contact with Brad for the past couple of days due to a classmate web site I'm on trying to find classmates I graduated with both in high school and college.
Brad e-mailed me back and gave me the link to his web site so I've been looking through it and ran across your web page!
This post really moved me. I don't know what type of pain you are experiencing; however, I can relate to it in some way because I was diagnosed in 2002 with a nurological condition called hydrocepahlus or "water on the brain." Apparently I had it from birth but didn't have symptoms until I was 18 and even then no neurologist would do any CT scan or anything but treat the headaches as migranes. It wasn't until years later that my fiance Chris demanded a CT be done when I was in the ER and hydrocpehalus was discovered. I had brain surgery to place a shunt in my brain to drain off the excess pressure.
For awhile things seemed to be going well, but this past year the headaches have been coming back no matter what I do so I'm going to Maryland for a second opinion with a doctor who deals with NOTHING but adult hydrocpehalus patients.
Right now, I've decided to make an inspirational web site that will have stories of others who struggle with the pain and uncertainty of this lifelong uncurable condition. I'm also starting a local support group for hydrocpehalus patients and their relatives and friends.
Reading what Brad said about you made a lot of sense in that good can come out of pain. I often wondered what purpose was served by my having hydrocpehalus and now I know it is to help others with the same condition.
Thanks for sharing this post. It certainly is a good reminder of how good can come from adversity and pain.
I hope you get to feeling better! I'll keep you, Brad and your children in my prayers!
If you want to e-mail me, my e-mail is:
terrilynnspencer@charter.net
Phone # is (218)391-9619
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