Choose Your Battles (just need to rant)

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I was always told these words of wisdom were the key to good parenting: CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES!

"They" say choosing your battles will help your prioritize what is essential and what is preferred...and it will help you understand the difference.

"They" say don't make everything seem so urgent....

I want to know who "THEY" is that has suddenly become an expert on parenting in my home!!

If I could meet "THEY" today I would greet them the laying on of hands, suddenly and with great force upon their face!

Today I think "THEY" is/are an idiot!!

Remembering the ideals and values of my lost motherhood of yesteryear:

There was a time when I had great ideals of how I thought children should be raised. I did not want the television to rule our lives. I did not want video junkies for children, I wanted polite, respectful, and service oriented children that would understand the needs of others...so as parents we would model those values.

Then came the fateful day when a friend asked if she could give our children a game station as a gift. My first instinct was to say no, but I told her I would talk to Brad about it. Just the mention of a game station in the house made Brad look like a child a Christmas! I softened on the idea and thought it would some good family time...but we still had some limits...no TVs in the bedrooms because we did not want the kids to withdraw from the family and go into their own world of video zombies.

CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES, "They" say!!

Looking back, with great regrets, I wish that would have been a battle I chose to engage !!

I now live with video junkie children who seem to have lost some basic human kindness skills.

I am beyond frustrated this week. It just seems there was one incident after another. I was angry at the children, I was angry at myself, I was ready to declare a week of Irons Family UN-PLUGGED!! But the thought of the battle that would ensue after such a declaration...I retreated back to nursing my frustration and wondered how to remedy this nightmare.

Just today...Easter Sunday... I had arguments with the children this morning just to get them off the computers and to help get the ladder from the van into the garage so that we could transport everyone to church. It was as if I were invisible and they did not hear a word I said. So I raised my tone a little louder and made sure we made eye contact so that I KNOW they heard my request...and like true little zombies, they turned right back to their video game as if in a complete daze.

This frustration was only compounded by the fact that Brad and I made it very clear to them the night before that we would be leaving EARLY for church the next morning because I was tired and frustrated at being late each week because they wont get off the computer in time to get dressed and leave when I tell them it is time to leave. I give 30 minute, 10 minute and 5 minute warnings that we will be leaving...to no avail. When it is time to go I tell them I will be out in the van warming it up and to meet me out there. Often times I wait 10-15 minutes on them to finish getting ready.

I am relieved that scenario did not repeat itself this morning... but it was a battle just to get them off the computer to help get the ladder out of the van. At any rate, I still arrived at church frustrated and angry that every single thing is such a battle!!

After church today my mother had prepared a wonderful and delicious Easter celebration dinner. I had spent time yesterday making a special table cloth for the occasion. So between mom and I there had been a lot of thought put into our Easter dinner for the family.

The kids, drawn like a moth to the flame, made their way to the computers to finish their game, or go to the next level. Mom was still working in the kitchen. I asked the kids to help me set the table and got the "sure mom, just a minute" response. 20 minutes later I asked again for help to set the table and they mumbled something else but did not budge.

I finally gave up. I did not want yet ANOTHER battle this Easter Sunday. So I told her to just leave the plates on the counter and when they were ready to eat they could eat.

Of course, this was NOT the plan that we had envisioned in our mind with our new purple and lace table cloth with the Empty Tomb scene on the table-- so mom and I took our plates to the living room and ate alone.

The living room was a mess and Brad started cleaning it... something he should not have had to do had the kids bothered to clean up after themselves and their friends who left their fast food stuff all over the place. When I did ask them to go clean the living room, they were securely stuck to the computer...which ensued another battle.

I am angry at them. I am angry at myself. This selfish behavior is not how we raised them. At times I really think their personalities have changed as they have become more and more addicted to their video games.

This afternoon after I had had a nap, I was ready to put the curtains up that I have been working on. I cannot reach the top of the 9 foot windows and climbing a ladder is not a real safe option for someone my size with the balance issues I have. So I asked one of the kids to take 5 minutes and climb the ladder and simply hang the rods on the hooks.

You would have thought I had asked for them to donate a kidney to their worst enemy!

I just wanted 5 minutes of their time...and it really only took 5 minutes after they argued for 10 minutes about not wanting to do it and finally consented to do the job.

I remember back to the time when I had the CONVICTION that tv and video games would not rule our lives...and now I wish that had been a battle I had engaged in with a fierce fight.

It was like the proverbial frog boiling to death in the water pot... it seemed innocent enough at first... but more and more everything I had once worked so hard to instill in my children seemed to have been lost over time as they became completely engaged in some virtual reality of their video games.

I miss my children... at least the one's I used to know.

Now I KNOW how horrible that sounds! So now mix guilt into the already existing anger and I am just DREADING summer when they will be home full time!

I used to feel sad for parents that could not stand to have their kids home all summer...as I really enjoyed being with my kids! Those days have long gone and now I feel bad that I am one of those parents that I used to feel sad for!

Some feel content to write this off as just a normal teen age thing...

I feel there is a far deeper issue of character that is at stake... and I am at a loss as how to turn this Titanic issue around.

I am in desperate need of a parenting overhaul!!

Dawn

Women Speak English, Men Hear (I don't Know What!)

From the a very tender age of 13 I was trained in the skills of communication. I was a writer, yearbook editor, reporter and research fact finder.

These skills carried me through high school and on into college. I even had to turn down a scholarship to a prestigious communications school in New York due to tuition expenses...but I was accepted!

My whole life has been groomed to be a communicator. In college, I branched out of written communication into spoken communication with a minor in Drama/Speech. I learned a lot about visual communications.

If there had been a Pageant...surely I would have been named Miss Communications! (read mis-communications!)

For someone who makes a living at communication, you would think I would have a better grasp of the spoken language!

But no!!!!! Miss-communications are my specialty! (Much to my horror!)

I have never been one who could multi-task! It would confuse me to great lengths and I would end up messing up everything I was working on...so I have learned over the years that I should just remained focused on one task at a time...and everyone stays safe!

I should have followed my life rule of NOT multi-tasking this morning...

I was doing some final email communications with my writing staff before I left this morning for a meeting at church. I was showing Brad the new website that is being designed by one of my writer's father.

Some back ground info on my family: I have 3 children named Chris, Laura and Joshua.


It just so happened that the writer I was speaking of had the name of Laura too...

So when I looked at Brad and told him that Laura's father was going to help me with the website...I did not really understand the look of shock and horror that was on his face.

He looked rather stunned and said EXCUSE ME!!??!!

It that moment it was as clear as a bell that we were thinking of 2 different Laura's!!

I was speaking of my writer, he was thinking of his daughter!

Clearly I have a lot more to learn about this issue of communicating! I should never have tried to multi-task this morning!!

Once I cleared up the "family tree" confusion I immersed him in, I could not get past the irony of how someone can make a living at "communications" and still butcher it so unmercifully!!

So be careful when you multi-task! It might end up in your needing a DNA test to clear up any confusion you might have caused!

Learning to keep it simple....
Dawn