Spiritually Lost...

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Have you ever felt yourself drifting away from the things that anchor you and give you roots?

Mentally....emotionally....just drifting away?

Recently I have felt as if I have been drifting. In an attempt to get re-anchored, I found myself really pressing into prayer. With motherly concern for my children, I had a specific burden to be praying for them...deeper and with more ferver...with passion. I was grasping at straws when I went and bought a book called Prayers That Availeth Much for Mothers.

I was looking for something that could help me identify specific areas to pray about that may not have come to my mind concerning my children.

I started reading the introduction.

Thats when it happened...

The writer began using the scriptures on which she was basing her book and ideas...and before I realized what I was doing, the mental conversation in my head began...

"...blah, blah, blah...yada, yada, yada...."

WAKE UP CALL!!!

Did I just "...blah, blah, blah...yada, yada, yada...." the SCRIPTURE??

I sat the book down and began a real heart-to-heart with my Father God.

(This is probably a NO BRAINER... but I probably should have started there as opposed to some extra-biblical book's opinion!)

The more I prayed and confessed of my drifting condition, I strongly felt the Lord keep telling me, "DISCERN...DISCERN...DISCERN."

I picked up the book again and re-read what had sent me into the pit of sarcasm so quickly.

I went from thinking that I was completely spiritually LOST to thinking that maybe...just maybe... the context in which she was using the scripture was just THAT repulsive to me. Maybe it was discernment that just rejected what she was saying? (...and a gentle nudge that I should probably work on my use of sarcasm!)

I will quote the book in blue so as not to confuse it with scripture (red letters), or my opinions in normal black text....

There are many different types of prayer, such as a prayer of thanksgiving and praise, the prayer of dedication and worship, and the prayer that changes things (not God). All prayer involves time and fellowship with God.

WHAT!!??!! Back up a minute!! The PRAYER that changes things..NOT GOD?? You've got to be kidding me!

Prayer, apart from GOD, changes nothing...the GOD who hears our prayers changes everything!

Why in the world would someone go to such lengths as to actually spell it out that prayer (not God) changes things?

The prayer, in and of itself, is just words of expression from our hearts. In faith we offer those prayers to God and He responds to our prayers....which brings me to my next beef with the book!

Again, quoting from the book:

In 1 Timothy 2 we are admonished and urged that petitions, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be offered on behalf of all men (1 tim 2:1 AMP). Prayer is our responsibility. Prayer must be the foundation of every Christian endeavor. Any failure is a prayer failure.

Excuse me??

Be angry and sin not....Be angry and sin not....Be angry and sin not....Be angry and sin not.... ok, I needed to meditate on that one before I opened my mouth without my brain in gear!

Any failure is a prayer failure.

So any prayer that is not answered just the way we prayed it, is a failure to pray correctly on our part? Or does not God have the authority to tell His children NO? or wait?

That just reeks of a two year old throwing a tantrum and demanding their own way, all in Jesus' name, of course. It reminds me of a song we used to sing in church a long time ago that that just sent ice through my veins... the song proclaimed, "Answer us! Answer us! Send your fire, send your rain, Answer us!"

Again, it all brought back visions of a spiritual temper tantrum to my mind. Besides, if we are demanding God to send the fire and rain, is it possible that we are truly not asking in the right spirit anyway??

The book of James ,the Bible says, "You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures."

It is possible for us to ask something of God and get no response. That is not a problem of prayer or a failure of prayer...that is God being merciful and giving us opportunity to see the selfishness of our own hearts and the wrong motives we entertain...and the chance to repent and pray in accordance to God's will-- not our own.

I really have a hard time when I see people get abused spiritually with a name-it-claim-it, blab-it-grab-it theology. It really turns God into a puppet on a string who dances at our commands. It seems the lines of authority get confused in that kind of theology...and nothing could be further from the truth. God does not answer to us. He responds to us. He responds sometimes with a yes, sometimes with a no...and often with WAIT.

When we start demanding that God answer us, we may find ourselves perfectly humbled before Him as we place our hands over our mouths and LISTEN to Him for a change. Brad always says that the Bible tells us to humble ourselves before the Lord...because if HE has to humble us it wont be pretty!

OK...I will climb off my soap box for now. I just needed to rant.

I think this all hit me at a hard time this week. I had one horrific doctor's appointment this week. I always wondered if the day would come when a doctor would start a countdown on my life expectancy. And it did.

The doctor explained to me that my body is at an extreme standoff with itself. (no schitzo jokes, Tami!!).

The Lyme disease has really damaged my thyroid, pituitary gland and the hypothalmus...all hormone regulating, necessary parts for the body to metabolize food and my medications.

My metabolic process is NOT working. That means my body is not fully receiving the benefits of the Lyme treatments because my body is not metabolizing the meds...and the food metabolic issue is leading to weight gain (oh joy thats what I need!)

She and my Lyme doc feel we need to approach this with a 2 tiered approach. They suggested a bariatric weight loss surgery to drop some quick weight so that will drastically change the metabolic rate and possibly kick it into gear so that the antibiotic regimin will be effective against the bacterial infection of Lyme.

I guess it is like giving a car a jump start with jumper cables.

She said if we don't get the metabolic standoff cleared up, I will not be here this time next year.

So the medical opinion is out... they give me 12 months to live if we cannot get the metabolic system working again.

So I am free-falling into the hands of God...there are no more capable hands than HIS.

Insurance will not cover the surgery.

So I am trusting God to heal me or provide a way where there seems to be no way... knowing full well he may say yes, no, or WAIT.

In the mean time... we are doing what we can physically by starting an exercise program and changing eating habits...but both docs have little hope it will help since the infection is in the metabolic system...they emphatically are pushing surgery.

Between the insurance company and a God who answers prayers, I tell you where my faith is placed!!

God alone is ABLE!

Sorry for rambling all over the place today! It just aggrivates me when people place their faith in prayer rather than in the GOD who answers prayer. We should be careful to place our faith and trust in GOD himself...our prayers are nothing without HIM!

Blessings,
Dawn