The Merry-Go-Round Makes me frustrated and dizzy!

It was just a month ago when I went to the doctor and left with the news:

"This surgery is not elective, it is life and death."

"If we don't get this fixed, you will not be here this time next year."

This last month since this doctor's visit was an emotional roller coaster!

This past monday Brad called the doctor's office to get their help with dealing with the insurance company since, after speaking with the surgeon I was referred to, we found out that the insurance was refusing any and all treatment for the surgery. Even thought it was "life and death" according to the referring physician."

So trying to get our doctor's office to help with the insurance situation, we called and explained what we needed them to do. The nurse sounded confused. She did not understand where I got the idea of only having 12 months to live. So she spoke with the doctor and asked for both Brad and I to come in and go over everything today.

She entered the room and front the start apologized profusely that there had been a misunderstanding. She asked to tell her what I thought she had communicated to me. So I repeated word-for-word, her quotes to me:

"This surgery is not elective, it is life and death."

"If we don't get this fixed, you will not be here this time next year."

She apologized again and said that she had really only meant to stress the urgency and drive the point home that the weight and metabolic issues were the top priority.

She then went on to completely dismiss the Lyme diagnosis and said she really did not want to even go there with any discussions. She said the doctor in Louisiana has taken care of that and she is here to take care of the rest of the problems--the real problems.

So I questioned her..."Can being overweight cause hearing loss and vision loss?" (of course, I already knew the answer to that! I was just wanting to make a point!)

"Can being overweight cause a loss of and/or diminished reflexes?"

"Can being overweight cause bacteria to grow in blood cultures and give false positives on a lyme test?"

Her response was...that being overweight was causing problems with my thyroid, hypothalmus, and pituitary gland.

My frustration was growing at this point and I could see we were getting no where. So I just needed to shut up and accept her opinion that my weight is my only issue.

Still trying to get her to at least acknowledge that a persistent INFECTION in the body could cause all of these systems to go awry. So I asked her, "So you think that the Lyme is really a non issue? You think I should not go back to Louisiana?"

Again, being very guarded and careful, she said, "I really don't want to go there with you, but I would like for you to really consider that possibility." (of not returning to Louisiana for further treatment.)

Her mind is made up. My problem is that I am overweight and that is the source of all my medical issues...well, except for the hearing loss, vision loss, absent reflexes, seizure disorder that is detected on EEG, meniere's vertigo, hypercoagulation, and a whole laundry list of other ailments that she cannot explain.

She actually said that if I could lose the weight "the Lyme disease would go away!!"

If only.....

You see, I have been down this path! And I will keep going just to show good faith...

...but in 1985 I lost 35 pounds on Norwell diet center program. I felt better temporarily. I was an active athlete and involved in both tennis and cheerleading at school. I was active...but that did not stop the progressive joint and muscle problems, or the siezures.

...in 1987 I lost 15 pounds on a brown rice diet. That did not help the fatigue, muscle pain or any of the other symptoms.

...in 1994 I lost 30 pounds doing the Susan Powter diet...but still the fatigue was overwhelming and when I wasn't in school, or working out, I was sleeping...constantly.

...in 1998 I lost 50 pounds on the Atkins diet...all the while getting sicker, more fatigued, and emotionally becoming a basket case, irritable, and having major "female issues"...none was alleviated by the weight loss.

...in 2002 I started the First Place diet program...and after following the rules to a T...and 3 months later having lost only 7 pounds....I just gave up. I was sooo sick at that time, it was when I first started entertaining the thought of putting the kids in public school. I had recently been through 4 miscarriages during that time as well....so I knew something was wrong. I had this positive Lyme test, but the doc said it was a false positive because "we don't have Lyme in Texas."

...and it was 3 more YEARS of failing health, 3 more miscarriages, and a second positive Lyme test that made me start demanding some answers. I had been so fatigued that I was sleeping 16-18 hours a day. I finally put the kids in school. I was not even able to handle a 8am - Noon bible study program...I simply was no longer functioning.

I have now been on long term antibiotic therapy for almost 3 years now. My Lyme specialist felt he could get me into remission within 3-5 years of therapy. I am now at a place where I can sleep 8 +/- hours a day, with an occasional nap for good measure. I run an entire home based business, with more than 10 workers across the country, and have national distribution for a newspaper I publish from home (where I can work in my pajamas if I need to!) I have been able to add a significant income increase to our family and help with medical bills or whatever need arises.

Now this local doctor, who just a month ago, for the sake of "driving home a point" had me literally believing her "life and death" and "you wont be here this time next year" exaggerations--just to make a point-- that weight loss is my only real health issue I need to worry about-- she now wants me to seriously consider not going back to Louisiana for further Lyme treatment...

...and end up back where I was 3 years ago?
No thank you...that is no life at all!

I'd rather be on antibiotics the rest of my life, if it means I will continue to get better and re-gain my life... THIS is LIVING.... THIS is LIFE.

For me to do what she is suggesting, to forget the Lyme and move on-- would only land me in a physical condition of regression that would make we WISH that a 12 month life expectancy was days away from being completed...

The way doctor's think..... it can be frightening at times! Especially when they already have in their minds the solution to a problem and can consider no other probability....

It is a blessing of GOD that we hear his voice and can follow Him. I am thankful that I have a God fearing, bible-believing, Jesus-loving Lyme specialist who prays for his patients as well as medically treating them!

I'd place my odds being much better in those hands, than in the local doc!

Thanks for listening to my vent!

Dawn