Bad News... or is it?

A long time ago my husband told me a story that I never forgot. The gist of the story was a family had a son who was key to the survival of the family in their farming industry. This son was in an accident and broke his leg and would be unable to work for months due to the severity of the break.  Farmers and friends from the community came around from miles to offer condolences to the family on the son's injury. The father replied back to each person offering condolence a simple statement, "Whether this is bad or whether this is good, we shall see....". The friends were quite perplexed. A short time later the draft was instituted and the son's number was called to go to war. But due to the severity of his injury he was unable to serve the military. The vast majority of the men called to war from his community never came home. The moral of the story was that the son's injury looked catastrophic to the community and the family business, but in the end, that injury saved his life from a most certain death in the war like many of the men from that community. So the father's words made perfect sense in time...whether this is bad or whether this is good, we shall see. Time proves all things.

I received some pretty bad news this week. I sat in the doctors office and just closed my eyes as he began to tell me what I did not want to hear. I literally had to tell myself inside to BREATHE... He repeated it twice just to make sure I understood what he was saying. There was no mistaking-- I understood clearly. Ever fiber of my being was screaming on the inside "NOOOOO!!". But I heard him crystal clear as my heart sank to the pit of my stomach and I felt the tears well up in my eyes as he said, "The Lyme disease has become active again. We will begin the treatment protocol tomorrow..." and he launched into a 20 minute monologue about his battle plan and course of action as his voice just drifted father and farther away from my awareness. I'm pretty sure I sat there expressionless and as I began to pray.

In that moment all I wanted was to talk to Jesus, to be held by those everlasting arms, to know that I was not alone as I was being told a course of action that I would likely forget by the time I got home. The doctor sent me home with a pile of paperwork which is much needed since I didn't hear a word he said after "Lyme is active again" crossed his lips. As I envisioned myself receiving the largest bear hug from Jesus and burying my head in his chest and reminding myself to breathe, it was as if Jesus himself lifted my head to look him face-to-face and say, "Whether this is bad or whether this is good, we shall see...". 

I vaguely remember the doctor saying he felt very confident that we caught it at the acute stage of infection since the symptoms have only been present about a month and have been increasing in intensity.  So I am somewhat optimistic myself. I was undiagnosed for 18 years before the doctors discovered the Lyme and began treatment. That treatment was for 3 years and I was in remission by April 2009.  I had FIVE YEARS of solid remission with no form of prescribed treatment or supplements/herbs.

I know the drill.  This time around I am a little bit older and wiser. I no longer have small children at home. In fact we are launching our youngest off to college in just a few short weeks. My marriage is in the healthiest place it has ever been. I have full confidence my Heartsong, my best friend, my Brad will be with me every step of the way.  It is kind of funny how the world can change in 5 years! When I was at my sickest and darkest hours of the Lyme treatment before I remember praying that God would allow me to die in my sleep because the pain was unbearable. I actually felt like I was toxic for my children and (as most moms do) I felt my teenagers hated me. I truly believed they would have been better off if the illness had just taken me out.  So fast forward 5 years later... My children are no longer teenagers but amazing young adults who have turned that corner where they actually think I'm smart again! (Keep the faith young, mammas, it REALLY DOES HAPPEN!!) My oldest son has been very expressive in his gratitude for my help and advice lately, and my daughter now tells me she loves me and needs me! MIRACLES HAPPEN!!! My youngest son is not so vocal because he is still in the "cool phase" but I think that ear-to-ear SMILE when he received a 4-year scholarship that I would not get off his back about applying for and meeting the deadlines is his way of saying "Thanks, Mom!" I'm pretty sure that's what it means. That's my story and I'm sticking with it! So I have an amazing husband and best friend, some amazing children who need me in their lives, and I have just one more word....JESSE!!! I have far too much living left to do to let this news take me down.

So Lyme Disease, you may have shown up on my door step again, but that is where you will stay. You won't be invited in, and you certainly are not a welcomed guest. So don't get too comfortable!
My medical protocol is only one tool in my box to take you down, but don't ever forget the power of a PRAYING CHURCH... it is the death blow of your defeat.

You can't have me. God did not get me through grad school and into this field for no purpose. So whether your re-appearance in my life is bad or good-- we shall see .... If God is for me who can be against me? GAME ON! Jesus, take the wheel! Let's do this! <3 br="">