The Search for Significance and Purpose

Delving into Spoon Economics and Spoon Investments


**to understand much of this entry, you will need to have read the previous post called Spoon Theory**

We had another appointment with our Lyme Neurologist last week. He made a neat analogy of the body/soul connection in the process of healing. He said our physical body is like a horse and the soul/spirit of a person is the rider. He went on to say that if the horse is sick and bucking against the rider, the rider will tend to back off until the horse is more tame...much like when a person is sick in their body that their personality often tends to either withdraw into a depression or even become combatitive and irritable as it tries to fight an untame horse...so to speak.

He asked how I had been feeling and I told him I had seen a marked improvement, while on the antibiotics, and that I felt like my zest for life had come back. I had been living in such a survival mode with this illness and only recently had I felt the "desire" to do more in my life than just maintain survival mode! He said that is the progress we are looking for! It is a slow process, but it is PROGRESS!! PRAISE GOD!!

In this last month since I have been feeling better and regaining my sense of direction, I remembered that God still does have a plan and a purpose for my life. I may not know at this moment exactly what that is, but like a kid on Christmas morning, I am going to look forward to the adventure of opening that package. This is a journey! I have a map...so now I am starting to look for that hidden treasure which is the purpose and significance of my life.

I remember it was not long ago that I knew beyond all knowing that God was sending me to Christ For the Nations--that was an unmistakable milestone in my life! Unfortunately I did not get to complete the semester due to the illness...but make no mistake great spiritual deposits were made into my life while I was there.

I also remember what I had sensed to be the purpose for my life at that time. I was going to CFNI for some foundational training before going on to UTA to get my masters degree in Social Work. My desire in getting my masters degree was so that I could do home studies for international adoptions. One of our missionaries in Nicaragua, Sandy Carter, had shared with me last year that she felt the laws in that country were very close to being changed so that their orphans could be adopted out of their country. That so tugged on my heart that I wanted to be ready and prepared with my masters when that time came so that I could partner with her agency and begin to find adoptive families state side, when those doors opened wide!

Now, this is not to say that God will not bring me back to that purpose when my progress with Lyme has made some significant strides--but that time is not NOW and I can't live my life forever looking back at the call I believe I heard back then. For all I know God may just want to see if I will lay that "Isaac" on the altar and just trust Him! And just like Abraham, I have the faith to believe if that really was the call God had for me to do then HE can raise it up when the time is right...but that still leaves me with the HERE AND NOW!

I am not good at sitting and waiting--especially since I am feeling better! I desperately feel the need to do what I can, with what I have NOW. Which leads me to the idea of Spoon Economics!

We heard the Spoon Theory yesterday...so my journey as of late is realizing that I have a limited number of spoons. I could grumble and complain about the fact I have limits with this disease, but I choose to practice Spoon Economics!

So ...I may only have 12 Spoons alloted for each day...but if I END my day with still 12 spoons I am no different than the lazy and wicked servant who buried his talent. On the other hand, I only have 12 spoons and I am not to go into debt either. I have 12 spoons that I can legitimately and honestly spend each day. I am not to overstretch my spoon budget. I must use wisdom. Still, I like to keep that one spoon in my reserve pocket because you just never know what a day may bring...and that is just good "Spoon Stewardship".

So here I sit with my 12 spoons. My goal is to spend them wisely and even sacrificially if I am so blessed with the opportunity (and if you look, there is always a good opportunity to sow a spoon sacrificially to benefit someone else!)

Okay...so CFNI is out the window for the time being. The choice there was either pay for the tuition or get medical care and treatment. Hands down, the medical treatment won that choice.

But is that really the end of the choice where school is concerned? Maybe not! Granted, keeping in mind I only have 12 spoons, I know that I do not have the "spoon budget" to go on for my masters degree. The physical exertion and emotional investment in masters level academics is more than I can afford right now. BUT...there is the community college...and since my college degree is 10 years old I can qualify for a pell grant for re-training. I know that I will likely need soemthing that I can earn money from home after I graduate...so my journey has begun!

I have invested a spoon or two reading the TCC course catalog almost cover to cover. I discovered they have a journalism/Mass Communications program. Did you know that I love to write!??! Brad and I even owned and operated a Christian Newspaper before we moved to Arlington. Long before I ever went to Bible College, I was accepted to the School of Visual Arts in NYC for their Journalism Program. I never did go. I stayed home, got saved, and then went to Bible College...can't say that I regret not going!

So budgeting these spoons has been an exciting challenge...almost a fun game. Yes, there are major limitation to my energy and physical strength, but I am feeling better! I do have faith that in the end, Brad and I will both beat this illness by the blood of Jesus! But if you look at my wilderness map, I am somewhere between having left Egypt and not quite to that promised land...yet. I am moving forward to that destination--and GETTING STUCK IS NOT AN OPTION!!

I know that our World Missions Conference is coming up and I admit, I have been stashing a spoon or two, here and there, in a spoon savings account, because this time of year is one of the highlights of our church calander for me! It ranks right up there with Christmas and Easter! I know I will want to attend each and every event. I will want to help with pre-conference preparations around our church. I want to help make sure the mission boards are updated...and Brooke has just started a program with the children to begin teaching missions--my HEARTSONG!! I know that my spoons are limited, but there is no place I would rather spend them at this season of my life. Sure, it will be sacrificial giving where my spoons are concerned, but the joy of my heart for these issues will far out weigh the sacrifice!

So what, I only have twelve spoons...but I am finding great joy in planning on spending each and every one of them as wisely as I possibly can...and when it comes to our Missions Conference, I plan to be like the widow with her two mites...even my spoon "in reserve" will be spent!!

If your heart has a song, LET IT SING!! There is great joy in the journey of searching, with God, for that special purpose He has for your life.

Love, Dawn