So You Had a Bad Day

Ok...I admit it...my name is Dawn, and I am an American Idol junkie.

I live in the middle of a very musical family. My husband is a Worship Leader, my daughter plays piano like nobody's business, Josh sings his heart out and Chris is a producer extraordinare...and I just enjoy their music! So it is no wonder that our family finds great joy in sitting together and watching these musical hopefuls reach for the stars.

One thing that has stuck out in my mind is the song that is played each time someone is voted off...So You Had a Bad Day... I find that to be a really encouraging song in the midst of a very difficult time for them emotionally. It is a reminder that they had a bad DAY and that their life is not over...it was just a bad DAY in the big scheme of things and they have their whole life before them...and to be honest, they have a very bright future musically to have made it as far as they have in this competition.

Well...today I had one of those bad days.

I should have been prepared and braced for it...it never fails...after the most meaningful spiritual experiences comes the WILDERNESS that will attempt to steal anything that was planted or that took root from the recent victories. I shared in my last post about my love for the missions conference at our church and being able to touch base with the visiting missionaries.

I set my heart on making a years worth of preparation to prepare myself for going to Nicaragua next summer. This would give me a year to get stabalized in my Lyme treatment, lose some weight, prepare physically and spritually to be a summer missionary. My heart is set...the plans are in motion...and then the WILDERNESS experience.

I had a bad day.

I got a phone call from the doctor today...not the nurse, the DOCTOR himself. He told me to immediately STOP the antibiotic treatment because my liver enzymes are showing extreme liver damage...almost 6 times the normal limits.

He said this could be the cause for my unexplained swelling. Putting 2 and 2 together, the swelling and the liver enzymes, he recognized the signs of liver damage. The swelling and water retention is putting an added strain on my heart.

So he said to stop all treatment and continue only with the diuretic to help with the swelling, potassium to maintain whatever it maintains, and to aggressively continue to detox.

For the most part I can handle almost anything. I am a rape survivor. We survived 4 house fires, we have lost 7 children, and with each passing trauma, we just grow stronger in faith and in our walk with the Lord. I have been told by many a family member that I am "a strong person"...but I dont really feel strong, I just have a great confidence in my Mighty Redeemer.

But today, I hung up the phone, sat down.... and cried.

It felt like each tear that dared cross the border of my eye and stream down my cheek was a liquid reminder that Nicaragua is looking father and farther away.

I had a bad day. I listened to the enemy tell me I would never set foot in Nicaragua and that I would never beat this disease.

...and then I stood up!

Sometimes you just have to speak out loud, even when no one else is in the room. So I made my declaration!

For I know whom I have believed in and am persuaded that HE is ABLE to keep that which I've committed unto him against that day...

No weapon formed against me shall prosper...

He that began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it...

Go ye therefore into all the world...

Here am I Lord, send me...

I know my God is ABLE...

The fervant prayers of a righteous man availeth much...

If any are sick among you, call for the elders of the church, anoint with oil and pray the prayer of faith for healing...

I will never leave you nor forsake you...

You are engraved in the palm of my hand...

I have a plan for your future...

If I never set foot in Nicaragua it will be because God had a different plan, not that the enemy discouraged me from trying. I have set aside the next year as preparation to go to Nicaragua. If this time next year I am unable to go to Nicaragua, I will just anxiously await to see what God had me spend a year in preparation for!!

I still believe in my heart it is to go to Nicaragua, but I am open to anything God wants to do.

This year, I think I will just ask my friend Brooke to bring me back a zip lock bag of dirt from Nicaragua...enough dirt to plant an ivy in and watch it grow for a year!

Okay...so it started out as a bad day...but THANK YOU JESUS that your MERCY is so near that we don't have to wait for the MORNING to experience it's goodness and comfort, we can have it NOW. You are my ever present help in time of need!

Love, Dawn