Standing at the Gates, Looking at the Ruins

I recently received a very precious, precious gift. It is not one that I can display on a shelf, or hang in a place of honor in my home—it was a far more treasured a gift than that… it was a healing of a wounded spirit.

I attended college at the University of Mary Hardin-Baylor in Belton, Texas (UMHB). The campus has an extremely rich historical heritage. I remember soaking in all the UMHB Crusader history with great pride. I knew from the day I stepped foot on the campus that I would be a Crusader forever! I would almost believe that if you cut me I would bleed purple and gold!

One of my favorite places on the campus was the Luther Memorial which we simply called “the ruins”. Ions ago there was a building called Luther Hall that had caught fire and all that was left was the bell tower and the multiple archway entrances. These “ruins” were preserved and made into a memorial that has become a campus icon for generations. The Easter pageant is held at the ruins. Weddings have been held at the ruins. When you think UMHB—you think “the ruins!”

The ruins signify a once tragic event in the life of the university—a gaping wound in the history and the heart of the UMHB heritage….. And yet, it is beautiful.

The precious gift I received recently came in the form of an invitation. I was invited to come back to UMHB and speak to their school of Journalism. They wanted to hear from an Alumnus who had once been editor of the UMHB school newspaper, The Bells, and had gone on to continue work in the newspaper and journalism profession.

As I arrived on campus, one of the first things I did was to seek out the ruins! I love the ruins! Oddly though, another one of the campus iconic landmarks had been moved and now sort of “framed” the ruins. It made the most beautiful photo for any UMHB fan! So I was standing at the gates looking at the ruins and I was struck with the irony of what had brought me to this place.

I thought it was rather ironic that my field of study while at the university was actually in Social Work, not journalism—though journalism had been my first choice. At that time, the school did not have a journalism department. Social Work just seemed fitting. There has always been an advocate inside of me—it is in the fabric of my being. I would just go about my goals through the avenue of the Social Work department and spend my time volunteering on the school’s newspaper and yearbook until such a time came when the editor’s position was available and I was hired for the job. This satisfied that desire for journalism in my life, even though I knew a journalism degree would not be at the end of the journey.

So there I was standing at the gates of UMHB looking on the ruins. The thoughts of being invited to speak to the school’s journalism department flooded me with emotions. I was so excited that the dream I had once wanted was now available to future students, and there was a sense of Crusader pride that just welled up inside me. But the irony of how I actually ended up in the field of journalism kept pervading my thoughts. There is just no other word but irony that describes the situation…and it was the very reason UMHB invited me back to speak to this new generation of journalists: my newspaper publication The Public Health Alert, and by association Lyme disease.

Again, staring at the ruins of UMHB, I realized it was the ruins of my own life that brought me back to this place. It was the devastation and destruction of Lyme disease and realizing what others were going through—and then with the social work training, the advocate inside did all I could do, under the circumstances. I took the journalism skills I had learned in junior high and high school, and fine tuned while being the editor of the UMHB Bells, and arose from the ashes, much like a phoenix and created the PHA to help Lyme patients and their medical providers have a platform to share information, without outside interference.

Much like UMHB’s ruins signified a tragedy of the past, I am finding that the ruins of what Lyme has done in my life, though it has had it’s tragic moments, is also becoming the very thing that people are now being drawn to, and are finding beauty in—much like the Luther Memorial at UMHB.

I find when I tell my Lyme story, when I reflect on all that Lyme has done in my life—both good and bad—there is a far deeper story than what you see by simply meeting me. My story tells the story of many others…multitudes of others! My story also shows the faithfulness of God, still sovereign and moving in a modern generation. My story tells of a tenacious doctor willing to put his patients above politics and practice the oath he took when he became a physician—to first do no harm—even when it put him squarely in the middle of a medical controversy. He chose the patients health over his personal concern over the controversy of his decisions. Because of his medical choices I am still walking. I thank him and God for that. Because of his bold medical decisions and persistence to go the distance, I am no longer bed-ridden, but will be attending graduate school in 8 weeks. I can thank God and Dr. Forester for that. My story encompasses their stories. I find there is much to reflect on.

This is the time of year where reflecting on life is very important to me. There is something about the holiday seasons that cause a lot of reflection and introspection. That can be both good and bad. The contents of this particular issue of the PHA reflect that perfectly. We see great strides with ILADS advancing their physicians training program at the same time we mourn the tragic loss of a tremendous Lyme patient advocate Leslie Wermers. I think of Leslie’s sister, Tracie Schissle, and how the holidays must be bearing down on her -- and in my heart I know Leslie’s desire for Tracie is to rise like a phoenix out of the ashes and continue down the path of advocacy the two close-knit sisters had put their heart and soul into for hope of a brighter tomorrow for Lyme disease patients everywhere.

I reflect on my own life. I remember closing out the 2007 year this time last year and my daughter surviving her coma that was brought on by a Lyme induced case of Meningitis. This year of 2008 had its own share of trials and tribulations, but I have seen the best progress of my Lyme treatment this year and I am simply amazed.

Last year I was contemplating launching a Christian newspaper. In November of 2008 I did it! By the end of January 2009 we should have it out in hard copy! Last year I was accepted to graduate school, but was unable to attend. This year my classes start in early January! I am just weeks away from realizing that dream!

I think of all the controversy that surrounds the IDSA vs. ILADS treatment protocols, and I cannot imagine where I would be right now if I had just accepted the measly 6 weeks of antibiotics and learned to deal with what the IDSA called “the aches and pains of daily living.” I personally think not being able to walk and not having full use of my legs is a tad bit more than the average “aches and pains of daily living”… but I digress!

I thank God for Dr. Jonathan Forester in Pineville, Louisiana who has been able to medically treat my/our Lyme disease, and pray with me and my family. He has been a very integral part of giving us back our lives and health. I can without a doubt say, that had we not found him when we did, I would not be alive today. He literally saved my life, and that of my family. I owe a debt of gratitude to Dr. Forester that I can never repay.

My hope for you, the readers and friends of the PHA, is that as you look at the ruins of your own life, you will find the strength, like the phoenix, to rise from the ashes.

It is my prayer for you all that you will seek God as priceless gift this holiday season. He is the only one who can trade your ashes for beauty, your sorrow for joy…He can turn our mourning into dancing again. May God make the ruins of your life into a beautiful memorial that will draw people to you that you may testify to them, “look what my God has done for me!”

He Preached His Own Funeral!

It was a funeral like none other I have ever attended. Today we buried my friend and staff writer David Noblett.

He died unexpectedly 2 weeks ago from a heart attack while in the middle of "the story of his life!"

David's life labor in the last 2 years has been for his lifelong friend and personal physician Dr. William Littlejohn, M.D. (Doc LJ for short.) Doc has been in a battle with the Texas Medical Board for his license that was "temporarily" suspended 2 years ago. The suspension was given due to false tesimony that was given during a heated custody battle. It was later proven that the mom signed a sworn affidavit under duress and threat that she would never see her children if she did not make the complaint against Doc LJ. It was proven-- yet the board still has yet to re-instate his license...2 years later. It has been a bureacratical nightmare that is culminating in a federal court case.

Fighting for Doc LJ's license for the last 2 years is what has given David's life new meaning and passion...something worth fighting for!

David is not stranger to battles or war-- he is a decorated Vietname verteran with numerous Purple Heart medals and Bronze Star medal and many other high commendations and military honors for his service in the Army. Yet, this is something that David was VERY private about. This was not his favorite topic of discussion, nor did he share it freely for most of his life.

David and I only recently became friends this year. But we became FAST friends! According to Doc and his office assistant Ann, that is something VERY uncommon for David-- He is very private and distant to most people. I thought it sort of strange as well, because although I am FAR from a "private person"-- in fact I consider myself an OPEN BOOK, I also tend to keep people at arms length on a personal level. So the fact that we struck up such a deep and meaningful friendship so quickly was a mystery to all who knew both of us!

As I sat as his funeral today and listened to Doc and Ann discuss many issues about David, things he had said and done, etc... I began to see a golden thread, the finger prints of God-- the Providential Hand of God at work in our short but very significant friendship!

Doc and Ann recounted how PRIVATE a man that David was... in fact a closed book! That is NOT the David I knew! Doc has known David for 30+ years, I have known David for 3 or 4 months. The first time I ever met David was when he invited me to attend a town hall meeting in Fort Worth where the Texas Medical Board was addressing the public in an open forum.

I had hear "rumors" that David was a bit of a rebel rouser :-) and that this meeting would not be boring! As editor of the PHA, I knew well the situation with Doc LJ-- so I thought I would go see BOTH sides of the story...what would the TMB have to say to the public? I asked my friend Randi to go to the meeting with me for 2 reasons. One, I hate driving to places I have never been! Second, if this meeting got a bit rowdy and we ended up in jail, I wanted to have a friend with me! LOL! (I was only HALF joking about the jail thing! But I did tell that her up front!)

They opened up for Q&A and there a few rows in front of me stood a silver haired man in an Army fatigue jacket covered top to bottom in Military Medals and honors. He had a booming voice and began to address the TMB about the false charges that were brought against Doc LJ and why his license had not been reinstated after the facts had been proven and settled...

...and this was the stage upon which our friendship was built. I leaned over to my friend Randi and said if they drag than man out of here and call the police, just take my car home because I am just going to have to go to jail with him!

We became INSTANT friends. There is just something about a friendship that is built on the strength of conviction on matters of RIGHT & WRONG-- and the courage to confront it. That is where we both were in our lives, though we had different circumstances, we had the same foundations of conviction!

David began to write for my newspaper about his dealings with the TMB and his work on behalf of Doc LJ. David was our Texas Watch Dog! He had a bone to chew and a dog in this fight! We had many emails and phone calls over the months about his various news sources, meetings, deadlines, and his faith in God. The ONLY thing that lit a fire under David more passionately than Doc LJ and the Texas Medical Board situation was his faith in Jesus Christ!

David was a retired minister. He was a 1976 graduate of Christ For the Nations Bible Institute in Dallas, Texas and was later ordained by his local church for ministry. David wrote much on the issues of prayer, holiness, and the authority & power of God's word.

So when I first heard the news David had passed away my heart was simply broken! What a loss to the world around him! He was an absolute DYNAMO!

As I arrived at the graveside today, I was early and one of the first people there besides Doc LJ. The military honor guard was there and Bugle Boy was there, standing guard, alert, at attention and ready to play TAPS on command. The absolute RESPECT these soldiers showed for their fallen veteran serviceman was inspiring. I wanted to hug them! I wanted to thank them! But they were standing at attention and saluting the casket almost the whole time and it just seemed almost irreverent to interrupt their honor and respect of David. But my heart was standing and APPLAUDING to the highest heavens at such a visual of HONOR & RESPECT-- to CHERISH a fallen comrad whom they had never met...there was such honor... I felt a tear escape and that lump in my throat start to swell.

As more and more people arrived, I saw the funeral director place a casette player on the ground by the casket. I leaned over to my friend Rhonda, and half joking said, why do I get the feeling that David is about to preach his own funeral?

And wouldn't you know.... that is exactly what happened! As Doc had been going through David's personal effects he found several sermons that David had preached when he pastored a small church in Ft Worth. There was one in particular that summed up the essence of David's life in a nutshell...all that he believed, all that he hoped for, and all that he would ever want to share with his friends... and so Doc arranged to have that message played at the funeral.

Yes...David preached his own funeral!

The message left me speechless! Tears filled my eyes-- not just for the loss of my friend-- but remembering one of our last conversations we had where we had been discussing a tough family situation I was going through and his counsel was to pick myself up by the boot straps and get myself back in the battle and FIGHT! This was not a time of RETREAT! Forward! Fight! Advance! Defeat is not an option!

So as I sat there listening to him preach his own funeral with a message titled Divine Destiny, the rugged determination to cling to the truth of God's Word. He said that God spoke to his heart and told him he was a hypocrite. He believed that "the steps of a righteous man are ordered of God," yet he refused to speak about or share a very significant journey in his life-- as if the Lord had NOT ordered his steps there-- The jungles of Vietnam.

So he shared the story of his experience in Vietnam and how his best friend, Michael Blanchard, threw his body on a satchel bomb that was intended to blow near David and sacrificed his own life to save David's life. David had been very private about his experiences in Vietnam, but was coming to a realization that God was with him and had ordered those steps, and that ALL things work together for the GOOD of them that love God and are called according to His purposes.

The very day I met David was the FIRST day since he left the jungles of Nam that he donned his military fatigue jacket and pinned on his military honors...and it was to confront a state government medical board, a state/country that he fought for and was honored for his wounds in battle, only to have this state turn their back on him in his quest for basic medical care and the reinstatement of an unduly revoked license of his medical provider.

It was as if I met David the day he burst out of his cocoon and matured from the caterpillar into a majestic butterfly and began to live the Divine Destiny he was born to do!

His message at the funeral went on to say that his struggle with the private nature of what happened in Nam is what gave him the courage to battle openly for Doc LJ. From the get-go David and I had an "open book" relationship. This is the only David I knew-- an open book! So To hear his life-long friends describe this private person, was a mystery to me-- we really became fast friends. I almost felt like I have been given a special privilege and gift...and I cherished that!

His assistant Ann had called me last week and said she just really needed to call and tell me something David and told her. She felt I needed to know. She reminded me of the private person that David was, but said he told her that in the time that he had known me, just since the 4th of July, and our friendship clicking like it did, and his immediate start to writing for the PHA newspaper, that for the first time in YEARS David felt like his life had meaning, destiny and purpose again. I was able to help him get the medical board story told...and in doing so, it helped him get the attention of the mainstream media...which led him to "the story of his life!"

That is what he called it.... "the story of his life!" He had finally gotten a mainstream news media outlet to pick up his struggle for Doc LJ and bring it to the public eye! The story was written, the photographer/reporter was on his way over to shoot the final photos for the story that was to be released to the public the next day. The reporter arrived only to find David dead at his computer desk.

Something else David had said in his funeral message, "You have to know that God's divine destiny has been chosen for you from the foundations of the world, even before you were knit together in your mothers womb. Your steps were ordered. It seemed my entire company in Nam could see my Purple Heart's ...but I couldn't. I had to let God show me he ORDERED those steps for a purpose. Those wounds had a reason."

I do think there was a divine destiny in God bringing a very closed book and private man together with an open book, but distant girl to make an instant friendship!

David struggled over the years feeling he was not making a difference. He was working hard, but not seeing the fruit of the labor. We become instant friends and the only tool I have in my hands, a newspaper I publish from home, just so happens to have a focus on health-related issues, and an interest ESPECIALLY in Texas medical board issues... it was just a PROVIDENTIAL friendship waiting to happen!

I was soooo thankful that Ann called to tell me what David had said. So often we never get to hear those kinds of comments from people. They go unsaid or forgotten. Yet, those words are more valuable than GOLD to the heart and soul of a person. David felt that I had helped him find PURPOSE and VALUE to his life...He said I helped him feel he was MAKING A DIFFERENCE. And in turn, I felt what it meant to have the answer of a prayer I had prayed for many years...one that I had memorized as a new Christian in college, by St Francis of Asissi:

Lord,
It is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned.
It is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Make me an instrument of your peace.
I want to know what it's like to follow you.
When men look at me, I want them to see
the Light of the World inside. Amen.

Our friendship may have only been for 3 months but it will have been three months that has forever changed the landscape of my life for the better.

Not everyone gets to know a true American hero. Not only was David a war hero-- he was a hero of our Christian faith.... and when I was growing weary in the weary in the battle, he knew as a soldier, that to sympathize with me on the battlefield may have gotten me KILLED-- He had one friend die in battle in Nam, he was not about to have another friend in a spiritual warfare battle! He ordered me to attention and back to the battle!

You just don't argue with a veteran war hero!
You respect their experience and out of honor--obey quickly!

So as I sat there at my friends funeral, and his sermon was coming to a close-- he said there is one thing our country sorely lacks-- and that is a spirit of COMMITMENT.

He said to be a soldier, you must commit to the training. But so often as Christians, we get them saved and baptized-- but fail to send them to boot camp for basic training. And WE KNOW we are at war! You cannot send untrained, uncommited soldiers to war-- you guarantee their death!

HE said as the Body of Christ, we MUST return to the boot camp training for all soldiers of the cross. Not only boot camp for new recruits, but advanced training, and then specialist training! He said it is imperative that we learn to use our weapons of warfare and commit to be good soldiers of the cross! WE LACK COMMITMENT!

If there is anything I have been re-evaluating in my personal life lately is has been COMMITMENT-- so I felt like my friend had returned from the grave to finish the conversation we were having right before he passed away.

Now don't you just appreciate the providential hand of God that cares enough about the details of our life to have your friend finish a conversation you were having before he died--AT HIS FUNERAL??

I was sort of amused at the irony of this so I asked Doc when David had preached that sermon because he well could have preached it the week we had our conversation-- it was just that timely to what we had been speaking about!

The date on the tape was from 1980. Now...tell me there is no such thing as PROVIDENCE!!

I will miss my friend David! But he has entered into his rest and is now WHOLE and PAIN-FREE!!

I am sure Jesus has received him with open arms and with a resounding WELL DONE MY GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT!!

What Makes Me Love Him?

thoughts about my husband on our upcoming 17th anniversary...

I believe in the providential hand of God! I was going to meet and marry Brad Irons one way or another-- God made sure of that!

I met Brad while attending the University of Mary Bardin-Baylor in Belton, Texas. A small, hole-in-the-wall Texas town that you will miss if you blink on the highway. Brad was the editor of the college newspaper and I was working as a staff photographer and writer...(wow, the more things change the more they stay the same! LOL!)

But that had not been the original plan for either of our college careers. While developing photos in the dark room one day we began discussing our journalistic goals and dreams. I told him about my lost opportunity of going to the School of Visual Arts in New York City. Even with the scholarship they offered me for Journalism-- I could not afford to go. Brad looked at me in sort of a stunned silence. The School of Visual Arts? In NYC? That was the same school Brad had been accepted to-- the very same semester I had been accepted to go! Now if that were not "coincidental" enough-- the school was very exclusive and quite difficult to get into. Less than 1% of their applicants got accepted...and that 2 of us were standing in the same dark room, working on the same newspaper, in a podunk little Texas town was more than a MIRACLE in my book!

YES...God had major plans for Brad Irons and I to cross paths...and I am personally glad that it happened in TEXAS and NOT New York! You can take the girl out of Texas, but just can't get TEXAS out of the girl!!

Not only did Brad and I have a love of journalism, but we also had a love of drama. I was thinking this morning back to a musical I did in high school called The Apple Tree. It was a musical comedy based on "The Diaries of Adam & Eve".

In one of the songs, Eve waxes sentimental and sings:

"What makes me love him?
It's not his singing.
I've heard his singing.
It sours the milk.
And yet...
It's gotten to the point
Where I prefer that kind of milk."

I know...a funny song to be floating through my head this morning-- but there is was.

WHAT MAKES ME LOVE HIM??

So I started to think about that...

It is not as easy an answer as one would think!

There are a gazillion reasons I adore him:
He is funny
He is an excellent father
He is a wonderful provider
He is a man of good moral character
He is a hard worker
...and the list could go on forever....

But if tomorrow he stopped being funny, I would still love him.

If tomorrow he ceased to be a good father, I would love him still.

If tomorrow his ability to provide for us went away, my love would not.

If tomorrow he had a failure of moral character, my love would NOT evaporate.

If tomorrow he became a couch potato, my love would still exist...

So what makes me love him??

Maybe it really is just the simple fact that Brad is a gift that the Lord has given me, and a gift that I cherish deeply. I've committed to spend the rest of my life with him and to honor and respect him... and maybe that is the only reason I need to LOVE him. All the other reasons I could think of are reasons I adore him-- but they are not reasons I love him.

I think my love is completely based in the commitment I made before the Lord to LOVE the gift He has given me... and it has been a journey of good times & bad, sickness & health, better times & worse times, in short... the abundance of life experiences.

Every other reason is superficial at best. Much like a house built on a foundation of sand...the tests of time will wear on the superficial reasons for loving someone... but a firm commitment founded in Christ...rooted and grounded...THAT can stand the storms, the Katrinas, and anything that hell can throw at us.

I have never loved anyone as much as I have loved Brad. I have literally spent over half of my life with him. We met when I was 19 years old. We have 17 years of marriage and 10 children together (7 with the Lord.)

We have faced some difficult and life-changing circumstances in our marriage from death of children to house fires to chronic illnesses and major medical issues-- but even none of these issues can overshadow what God first brought together waaaaay back in the beginning at a small college in Belton, TX.

I love you so much more now than I ever could have known back then. I would not have traded our life together for a "picture perfect" life. Hey, I like our sense of ADVENTURE!

I love you, Brad! I look forward to the rest of our lives being even better than the past 17 years! The best is yet to come!

Love, Dawn

He Makes Me Lie Down in Green Pastures...And Walk on Water!

You gotta love life lessons!! Brad and I, almost a lifetime ago, when we lived in Temple, Texas, heard a wonderful pastor preach a message on the 23rd Psalm. There was one part of that message that stuck with us through our 17 years of marriage, and a point that we often use to remind each other when we are burning the candle at both ends--to the excess of danger.

This pastor made the point of noting that God did not suggest we lay down in green in pastures, or even invite us to lie down in green pastures... it says He will make us to lie down in green pastures!

Well...I was benched by God this last week as I was made to lie down in green pastures!! This is the kind of time-out we all need! I feel much more refreshed and renewed now, but I can already hear the wheels of my mind clicking away at what all I can accomplish now that I am refreshed....... one step forward, two steps back!

I will share a bit about the week that got me side-lined, benched, put in time-out:

I had been putting off the inevitable. It was time for another trip to see the Lyme specialist in Louisiana. This is very much a bitter-sweet trip. I love the "get away" aspect of the trip, but I really struggle physically with the 5 hour journey. A long trip like that in August was not at the top of my "things to do this summer" list!

I always take a travel buddy with me on these trips if Brad cannot come along. This has been a real blessing in the event I need help with driving. And the conversation/company is always uplifting!

This trip my friend Randi and her son Robert came along with me. We looked at this is our mini-summer vacation.

About the time we arrived in Shreveport, the AC in the van started making an awful noise and stopped cooling...we still had 2 hours to arrive at our destination, and then 5 hours on the trip home. I was stressing over the AC situation as heat really aggravates the Lyme symptoms and some of the meds cause a heat sensitivity that blisters the skin. But I figured I was in Louisiana and my appointment with Dr. F was the next morning, so there was no better place on earth at that moment to be!

My friend Randi is an intercessor extraordinare! She began praying for cloud cover...and the next morning God mercifully provided us with cloud cover!

My appointment with Dr. F was good and informative. He ran some tests, questioned me relentlessly on some issues of memory, cognitive function and mental processing. He sent me off for more lab work and then had Randi and I wait in his office for him to bring the results.

After the last fiasco with the doctor at home, I have decided to bring a family member or friend to each office visit to make sure there is a witness to what is being said and make sure things are being understood. So Randi and I sat there waiting for the test results.

Dr. F. returned and let me know that I have an overload of neuro-toxins in my brain. The antibiotics are doing their job well and killing the lyme bacteria, but in doing so, the critters release a toxin when they die and the toxins are remaining in my brain causing a worsening of my cognitive functions, thinking processes, ability to concentrate, and all that other brain-kind-of-stuff. How is that for a technical, medical definition!

At the same time he was explaining all the information about the neuro-toxins to me, he was telling me how shocked he was that I was able to continue doing my work with the newspaper. He said there is no medical reason to explain why I should be able to function at that level. He mentioned that on my last visit as well...so it got me to thinking.

By all medical standards and test results, I should not be functioning at the level I am functioning--much less be able to continue to manage a home based business and publish the newspaper. Yet, it seems to me that THAT is the time when I feel most cognitively alert and lucid...when I am perched in front of my computer working on the newspaper.

I notice a distinct difference in my cognitive functions in other pursuits! I cannot read a book! I simply cannot comprehend what I am reading or concentrate enough to follow the plot. I miss reading! Yet, when I sit down to write, or edit articles for the newspaper, my brain is sharp and in tact--like a well oiled machine.

I rarely watch TV anymore because I cannot keep up with the story line, characters, plots, etc...much like the problem with reading--the concentration is just not there...**BUT** when I sit down to have a quiet time or Bible study-- it is as if my brain is functioning at 100%.

It seems like those are the only 2 activities I do where I feel like my brain works normally.

The more I thought about it, the more amazed I was! I wonder if this is what Peter felt like when he was walking on the water? The laws of gravity perfectly explain why a human being cannot possibly walk on water...yet, at the request of Jesus who bid him to come walk on the water, Peter WALKED ON THE WATER!!

Sure, Peter seems to get the short end of the stick as most people use him as a sermon example of chastisement on what happens when you lose faith or take your eyes off the Lord, but I am still in AWE that of all the disciples...Peter is the ONLY one who WALKED ON WATER!!! No other disciple can make that claim!

If there is one thing I am absolutely certain, it is that God gave me the gift of writing and has specifically asked me to use it to bring hope to the people of the Lyme disease community, to give Lyme doctors a place to publish their research and treatment protocols, to spread the latest research and news regarding treatments, testing, etc... to help others avoid the pitfalls of their disease reaching the chronic state.

I feel like God has called me to write and publish this newspaper...and I feel like I AM WALKING ON WATER! Nothing gives me greater joy than to have a conversation with my Bible-believing, Jesus-loving Lyme doctor who shows me that "the empirical evidence of the test results show that you should not be able to do what you are clearly doing!"

And as we pass that knowing smile across the desk to each other, all that is left to say before we leave the office is "Praise God!"

So there you have it! PRAISE GOD!!

oh...and for those who wanted to know the rest of the crazy week....well it was humorous to say the least...I arrived home late Monday night to find that the AC at HOME had also gone out. So once I looked at the calendar and realized all that I had to do that week: I had the community Lyme film screening that coming Saturday, school shopping to do for the kids, & deadline for the newspaper, I quickly added an AC van repair to the list ASAP, while Brad attended to the work involved in getting the AC at home fixed (which ultimately ended up in the entire unit in the attic having to be replaced!). The AC did not get fixed until Thursday evening, so I ended up going to a hotel for one night to escape the heat and spent a few nights at Randi's house...where God MADE me lie down in green pastures!

Randi's home brought great rest and relaxation...it was very peaceful! I came back home refreshed, and to a cool home!! AND.....I made the newspaper deadline after all!

Now we can move forward with the other issues we discovered while fixing the house AC...the water that was leaking from the attic caused some water damage to the ceiling, we discovered a water leak (unrelated) in the front yard...so we are now ready to face these challenges...and our humor is still in tact (even if our finances are not! LOL!)

...But hey! I am walking on water! The waves that are crashing about me are no match for the One who is calling my name to come walk with Him on the Sea....

So if you see me starting to go down in the weeks or months ahead...please don't chastise me. Just rejoice with me that I DID and **AM** walking on water!!

Love, Dawn

The Comical Irony of It All....

Have you noticed the latest trend in "environmentally friendly" green efforts?

I have recently noticed the fabric bags at Walmart that say, "Paper or Plastic? NEITHER."

Now I have to admit...I have really been working to find ways to be more resourceful and less wasteful, so I thought this was a really clever idea...besides, I got tired of being bombarded by rogue walmart bags every time I opened a cabinet and immediately became assaulted by plastic bags.

THIS was the perfect solution!

So last week, I purchased 3 bags with my groceries. This week I went back and purchased 2 more.

I arrived at the check out stand and the woman asked me if I wanted paper or plastic...so I thought I would clever and say "NEITHER. I'd like 2 eco-bags."

I wish I had taken my phone out to take a photo of what happened next...no one believes me!

But the woman took 2 of the eco-bags folded them up and placed them in a PLASTIC bag! LOL!

I did not want to seem rude, so I tried to hide my confused look and took my plastic bags of groceries to my van where I tool the eco-bags out and re-loaded my groceries....and there I was STILL with these nuisances of plastic bags!! Some days you just cant win! LOL!

Dawn

The Merry-Go-Round Makes me frustrated and dizzy!

It was just a month ago when I went to the doctor and left with the news:

"This surgery is not elective, it is life and death."

"If we don't get this fixed, you will not be here this time next year."

This last month since this doctor's visit was an emotional roller coaster!

This past monday Brad called the doctor's office to get their help with dealing with the insurance company since, after speaking with the surgeon I was referred to, we found out that the insurance was refusing any and all treatment for the surgery. Even thought it was "life and death" according to the referring physician."

So trying to get our doctor's office to help with the insurance situation, we called and explained what we needed them to do. The nurse sounded confused. She did not understand where I got the idea of only having 12 months to live. So she spoke with the doctor and asked for both Brad and I to come in and go over everything today.

She entered the room and front the start apologized profusely that there had been a misunderstanding. She asked to tell her what I thought she had communicated to me. So I repeated word-for-word, her quotes to me:

"This surgery is not elective, it is life and death."

"If we don't get this fixed, you will not be here this time next year."

She apologized again and said that she had really only meant to stress the urgency and drive the point home that the weight and metabolic issues were the top priority.

She then went on to completely dismiss the Lyme diagnosis and said she really did not want to even go there with any discussions. She said the doctor in Louisiana has taken care of that and she is here to take care of the rest of the problems--the real problems.

So I questioned her..."Can being overweight cause hearing loss and vision loss?" (of course, I already knew the answer to that! I was just wanting to make a point!)

"Can being overweight cause a loss of and/or diminished reflexes?"

"Can being overweight cause bacteria to grow in blood cultures and give false positives on a lyme test?"

Her response was...that being overweight was causing problems with my thyroid, hypothalmus, and pituitary gland.

My frustration was growing at this point and I could see we were getting no where. So I just needed to shut up and accept her opinion that my weight is my only issue.

Still trying to get her to at least acknowledge that a persistent INFECTION in the body could cause all of these systems to go awry. So I asked her, "So you think that the Lyme is really a non issue? You think I should not go back to Louisiana?"

Again, being very guarded and careful, she said, "I really don't want to go there with you, but I would like for you to really consider that possibility." (of not returning to Louisiana for further treatment.)

Her mind is made up. My problem is that I am overweight and that is the source of all my medical issues...well, except for the hearing loss, vision loss, absent reflexes, seizure disorder that is detected on EEG, meniere's vertigo, hypercoagulation, and a whole laundry list of other ailments that she cannot explain.

She actually said that if I could lose the weight "the Lyme disease would go away!!"

If only.....

You see, I have been down this path! And I will keep going just to show good faith...

...but in 1985 I lost 35 pounds on Norwell diet center program. I felt better temporarily. I was an active athlete and involved in both tennis and cheerleading at school. I was active...but that did not stop the progressive joint and muscle problems, or the siezures.

...in 1987 I lost 15 pounds on a brown rice diet. That did not help the fatigue, muscle pain or any of the other symptoms.

...in 1994 I lost 30 pounds doing the Susan Powter diet...but still the fatigue was overwhelming and when I wasn't in school, or working out, I was sleeping...constantly.

...in 1998 I lost 50 pounds on the Atkins diet...all the while getting sicker, more fatigued, and emotionally becoming a basket case, irritable, and having major "female issues"...none was alleviated by the weight loss.

...in 2002 I started the First Place diet program...and after following the rules to a T...and 3 months later having lost only 7 pounds....I just gave up. I was sooo sick at that time, it was when I first started entertaining the thought of putting the kids in public school. I had recently been through 4 miscarriages during that time as well....so I knew something was wrong. I had this positive Lyme test, but the doc said it was a false positive because "we don't have Lyme in Texas."

...and it was 3 more YEARS of failing health, 3 more miscarriages, and a second positive Lyme test that made me start demanding some answers. I had been so fatigued that I was sleeping 16-18 hours a day. I finally put the kids in school. I was not even able to handle a 8am - Noon bible study program...I simply was no longer functioning.

I have now been on long term antibiotic therapy for almost 3 years now. My Lyme specialist felt he could get me into remission within 3-5 years of therapy. I am now at a place where I can sleep 8 +/- hours a day, with an occasional nap for good measure. I run an entire home based business, with more than 10 workers across the country, and have national distribution for a newspaper I publish from home (where I can work in my pajamas if I need to!) I have been able to add a significant income increase to our family and help with medical bills or whatever need arises.

Now this local doctor, who just a month ago, for the sake of "driving home a point" had me literally believing her "life and death" and "you wont be here this time next year" exaggerations--just to make a point-- that weight loss is my only real health issue I need to worry about-- she now wants me to seriously consider not going back to Louisiana for further Lyme treatment...

...and end up back where I was 3 years ago?
No thank you...that is no life at all!

I'd rather be on antibiotics the rest of my life, if it means I will continue to get better and re-gain my life... THIS is LIVING.... THIS is LIFE.

For me to do what she is suggesting, to forget the Lyme and move on-- would only land me in a physical condition of regression that would make we WISH that a 12 month life expectancy was days away from being completed...

The way doctor's think..... it can be frightening at times! Especially when they already have in their minds the solution to a problem and can consider no other probability....

It is a blessing of GOD that we hear his voice and can follow Him. I am thankful that I have a God fearing, bible-believing, Jesus-loving Lyme specialist who prays for his patients as well as medically treating them!

I'd place my odds being much better in those hands, than in the local doc!

Thanks for listening to my vent!

Dawn

ATTN: All Saints of God! MAN YOUR BATTLE STATIONS!

Last week my pastor used the example of a luxury cruise liner vs a battleship to explain the expectations many people have of church.

On a luxury cruise line you tend to get to do what you want, when you want, and how you want...any time you want...and you have people to wait on you left and right. At no point to you have any weights of responsibility. (Not that I know this from personal experience, mind you, but I would definitely be up to doing some personal research on the matter!)

In stark contrast, I have been upon the military's USS Texas Battleship in the Houston Bay. There was nothing "beautiful" about the ship. It was the most awful color of gray I have even seen. But it was HUGE. (at least to the eyes of a 9 year old!) I sat in the seat of the automatic gunnery on the top deck, I lay down on the cold and hard "cot" in the smallest of confined compartments in the "brig". If there one thing that was clear...even to a 9 year old, was that this ship was about BUSINESS not PLEASURE.

The USS TEXAS is the last of the battleships, patterned after HMS Dreadnought, that participated in World War (WW) I and II. She was launched on May 18, 1912 from Newport News, Virginia. When the USS TEXAS was commissioned on March 12,1914, she was the most powerful weapon in the world, the most complex product of an industrial nation just beginning to become a force in global events.

The analogy of the luxury cruise liner and the battle ship stayed with me all week. And Oh yes! I must tell you how HUGE the anchor was on that battleship!! OH MY!!

Our church has been going through an "awakening" or a revival of sorts. We have entered a season of warfare that is keenly felt! You leave with a sense of urgency and determination. When the prayer chain e-mails come to the inbox you feel the call to arms on behalf of your fellow troup members-- you engage in battle- front line battle. Without a doubt...we know we are in the throws of a spiritual war.

As I was thinking about the fact that "we battle not with flesh and blood but with powers, rulers and principalities"... my memory drew me back to my college days when I was a huge Carman junkie! That man could just tell a story that would stick with you for a lifetime!

As pastor was talking about the battleship, I could hear a line from Carman's song Revival in the Land run through my mind...."Attention all saints of God! Man your battle stations!!"

If I can get the you tube video to link up here, I'd like to share one of my favorite Carman songs with you!

Looks like you will have to go to this link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UoBS3bREBaQ&feature=related

Dawn

In search of the Anchor that Holds

I woke up early this morning. That is a rare thing for this work-a-holic insomniac who likes to burn the midnight oil. I woke up with a song on my heart.

Have you ever woke yourself up singing in your head?? Then all day long that song is STUCK in your head? Depending on the song, I sometimes wonder if that could be the whisper of God speaking directly to our spirit.

This morning I woke up with this song running through my heart and mind:

MIGHTY TO SAVE (by Hillsong Australia)

Everyone needs compassion
A love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
A kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations

Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is Mighty to save
He is Mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

So take me as You find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus

I have to admit, with all the songs that have ever been stuck in my head, this tops the list! You have to agree that it sure beats, "this is the song that never ends, and goes on and on my friend...". I think all parents would agree!

So back to waking up early with a song on my heart...

I went and made some coffee, grabbed my Bible and sat down at the dining room table to read. Recently I shared that I have felt lost, sort of drifting away into nothingness, and emotionally disconnecting and distancing myself from people. My one prayer this morning was "God, help me find that anchor!!"

I really felt drawn to the book of Ephesians this morning. The book of spiritual warfare...that sounded exactly like prescription I needed! Antibiotics have nothing on scripture when it comes to killing an infection of the heart and soul.

After years of reading scripture, unless I am in deep STUDY mode, I tend to just skim over the long lists of genealogies, and the basic introductions and move to the heart of the message.

But this morning was different. I was absolutely DRAWN to how Paul introduced himself to the Ephesian church. How he acknowledged their faithfulness...and right there in the first chapter introduction was the ANCHOR I was looking for. It was something I have always known, but I sure needed the refreshing reminder!!

Ephesians 1:22-23
...and He has put all things under His feet and has appointed Him [Jesus] the universal and supreme head of the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all [for in that body lives the full measure of Him who makes everything complete, and who fill everything everywhere with Himself.]

What is the ANCHOR? The church. The body of Christ. The people God himself has surrounded you with in a local body of believers. His promise to us is that the FULL MEASURE of Himself is found within those people through spiritual gifts and the ministry of the Holy Spirit.

No wonder the Bible tells us not to forsake the assembling of ourselves together!

Confession: physically I have not forsaken my local body of believers. But emotionally, I have secluded my heart behind walls thicker than the walled defenses of Jericho. Forgive me! For that I am truly sorry and I will work hard to overcome that emotional barrier.

Love, Dawn

Spiritually Lost...

.
Have you ever felt yourself drifting away from the things that anchor you and give you roots?

Mentally....emotionally....just drifting away?

Recently I have felt as if I have been drifting. In an attempt to get re-anchored, I found myself really pressing into prayer. With motherly concern for my children, I had a specific burden to be praying for them...deeper and with more ferver...with passion. I was grasping at straws when I went and bought a book called Prayers That Availeth Much for Mothers.

I was looking for something that could help me identify specific areas to pray about that may not have come to my mind concerning my children.

I started reading the introduction.

Thats when it happened...

The writer began using the scriptures on which she was basing her book and ideas...and before I realized what I was doing, the mental conversation in my head began...

"...blah, blah, blah...yada, yada, yada...."

WAKE UP CALL!!!

Did I just "...blah, blah, blah...yada, yada, yada...." the SCRIPTURE??

I sat the book down and began a real heart-to-heart with my Father God.

(This is probably a NO BRAINER... but I probably should have started there as opposed to some extra-biblical book's opinion!)

The more I prayed and confessed of my drifting condition, I strongly felt the Lord keep telling me, "DISCERN...DISCERN...DISCERN."

I picked up the book again and re-read what had sent me into the pit of sarcasm so quickly.

I went from thinking that I was completely spiritually LOST to thinking that maybe...just maybe... the context in which she was using the scripture was just THAT repulsive to me. Maybe it was discernment that just rejected what she was saying? (...and a gentle nudge that I should probably work on my use of sarcasm!)

I will quote the book in blue so as not to confuse it with scripture (red letters), or my opinions in normal black text....

There are many different types of prayer, such as a prayer of thanksgiving and praise, the prayer of dedication and worship, and the prayer that changes things (not God). All prayer involves time and fellowship with God.

WHAT!!??!! Back up a minute!! The PRAYER that changes things..NOT GOD?? You've got to be kidding me!

Prayer, apart from GOD, changes nothing...the GOD who hears our prayers changes everything!

Why in the world would someone go to such lengths as to actually spell it out that prayer (not God) changes things?

The prayer, in and of itself, is just words of expression from our hearts. In faith we offer those prayers to God and He responds to our prayers....which brings me to my next beef with the book!

Again, quoting from the book:

In 1 Timothy 2 we are admonished and urged that petitions, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be offered on behalf of all men (1 tim 2:1 AMP). Prayer is our responsibility. Prayer must be the foundation of every Christian endeavor. Any failure is a prayer failure.

Excuse me??

Be angry and sin not....Be angry and sin not....Be angry and sin not....Be angry and sin not.... ok, I needed to meditate on that one before I opened my mouth without my brain in gear!

Any failure is a prayer failure.

So any prayer that is not answered just the way we prayed it, is a failure to pray correctly on our part? Or does not God have the authority to tell His children NO? or wait?

That just reeks of a two year old throwing a tantrum and demanding their own way, all in Jesus' name, of course. It reminds me of a song we used to sing in church a long time ago that that just sent ice through my veins... the song proclaimed, "Answer us! Answer us! Send your fire, send your rain, Answer us!"

Again, it all brought back visions of a spiritual temper tantrum to my mind. Besides, if we are demanding God to send the fire and rain, is it possible that we are truly not asking in the right spirit anyway??

The book of James ,the Bible says, "You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures."

It is possible for us to ask something of God and get no response. That is not a problem of prayer or a failure of prayer...that is God being merciful and giving us opportunity to see the selfishness of our own hearts and the wrong motives we entertain...and the chance to repent and pray in accordance to God's will-- not our own.

I really have a hard time when I see people get abused spiritually with a name-it-claim-it, blab-it-grab-it theology. It really turns God into a puppet on a string who dances at our commands. It seems the lines of authority get confused in that kind of theology...and nothing could be further from the truth. God does not answer to us. He responds to us. He responds sometimes with a yes, sometimes with a no...and often with WAIT.

When we start demanding that God answer us, we may find ourselves perfectly humbled before Him as we place our hands over our mouths and LISTEN to Him for a change. Brad always says that the Bible tells us to humble ourselves before the Lord...because if HE has to humble us it wont be pretty!

OK...I will climb off my soap box for now. I just needed to rant.

I think this all hit me at a hard time this week. I had one horrific doctor's appointment this week. I always wondered if the day would come when a doctor would start a countdown on my life expectancy. And it did.

The doctor explained to me that my body is at an extreme standoff with itself. (no schitzo jokes, Tami!!).

The Lyme disease has really damaged my thyroid, pituitary gland and the hypothalmus...all hormone regulating, necessary parts for the body to metabolize food and my medications.

My metabolic process is NOT working. That means my body is not fully receiving the benefits of the Lyme treatments because my body is not metabolizing the meds...and the food metabolic issue is leading to weight gain (oh joy thats what I need!)

She and my Lyme doc feel we need to approach this with a 2 tiered approach. They suggested a bariatric weight loss surgery to drop some quick weight so that will drastically change the metabolic rate and possibly kick it into gear so that the antibiotic regimin will be effective against the bacterial infection of Lyme.

I guess it is like giving a car a jump start with jumper cables.

She said if we don't get the metabolic standoff cleared up, I will not be here this time next year.

So the medical opinion is out... they give me 12 months to live if we cannot get the metabolic system working again.

So I am free-falling into the hands of God...there are no more capable hands than HIS.

Insurance will not cover the surgery.

So I am trusting God to heal me or provide a way where there seems to be no way... knowing full well he may say yes, no, or WAIT.

In the mean time... we are doing what we can physically by starting an exercise program and changing eating habits...but both docs have little hope it will help since the infection is in the metabolic system...they emphatically are pushing surgery.

Between the insurance company and a God who answers prayers, I tell you where my faith is placed!!

God alone is ABLE!

Sorry for rambling all over the place today! It just aggrivates me when people place their faith in prayer rather than in the GOD who answers prayer. We should be careful to place our faith and trust in GOD himself...our prayers are nothing without HIM!

Blessings,
Dawn

Fingerprints ...part 2

Hi Dad!
It's time for my video slide show for you. I had a lot of fun making this and had many great memories flood my mind as I went through the photos! You were the best kind of father ever! And if it is true, what the psychologists say about women seeking out men who remind them of their fathers, I did a great job in marrying Brad! Thank you for always believing in us and in all the help you and Gaynel have given us over the years with the medical roller coaster we have been on!

I hope you have a wonderful Father's Day and that you know how much we love and appreciate you!! We will see you next weekend for your birthday!! Thanks for going to church with us on that Sunday. I want to show you off!!

Enjoy the slide show!

Permanent Fingerprints on My Heart ...left by my Dad

Fingerprint [fing-ger-print]: noun/
any unique or distinctive pattern that presents unambiguous evidence of a specific person, substance, disease, etc.


There are many sayings that refer to a child's likeness to their parents:

You are a chip off the old block!

That apple did not fall far from the tree!
...and many more.

My sister and I have been working hard over the last 2 weeks scanning photos and trying to find the perfect song to put a slide show together for our dad. As we spoke about all the photos and the memories that were attached to one...it was clear to see that our dad, Mikel Conner, has left permanent fingerprints on our hearts and lives.

We found ourselves making comments like , in that photo he has "the Mikel Conner stare!" .... meaning he was expressing "the look" we were all to familiar with when we had shocked, surprised, or exasperated him! It was the lowered head, with the eyes looking at you straight way over the tops of his glasses... it was a look we saw often and still giggle about today when my sister and I see each other in parenting trials...and inevitably one of us says to the other, "You just gave that child "the Mikel Conner" look!

...And it is still quite effective after all these years!

My sister and I have pulled some photos of our favorite memories of dad and have put them to music. My sister found a poem that she liked and wanted to share with my dad. So I am going to post her slide show and the poem for her.

So dad, this one is from Tami's heart to you:

Dad by Kit McCallum I know it's not often enough I share with you Dad; Seems long ago, when I was young; I looked to you for guidance and love; I listened to you; Relied on you; And craved for your attention. And as I grew, you stood patiently behind me, Allowing me to stretch my wings; Test the waters, And make my mistakes. Thank you for loving me as you do; Enough to let me take a fall While you waited in the sidelines; Enough to watch quietly As I matured and learned. It may not be often enough I share with you Dad; But thank you for being the father that you are; A father whom I am proud of ... A father I can still turn to for guidance and love ... No matter how old I really am.

(Technical difficulty loading my file...so I will try again this afternoon...SORRY!)

Selling the Concept of Virginity to a Sex Crazed Culture

Ok... I had to laugh when Brad told me this story this afternoon! I even went home to double check the facts on the web to see if was SERIOUS! With his humor, sometimes you just cant tell!

So here's the story... The Christian, abstinence-based purity program, TRUE LOVE WAITS, has marketed their slogan to K-Mart for affordable merchandising options for teens.

I will post some of the catalog photos... this is for real! LOL!

Can you imagine why we might have a hard time selling the concept of virginity to our teens with a message like this?? Seems a bit like a mixed message don't you think!??!

So who wants to rush out and buy this TRUE LOVE WAITS slogan to plaster across your daughter's back side? Since when did butts become billboards? I guess that is a good marketing strategy! It can surely draw an eye of an interested young man... but to sell the concept of purity...?? Come on!!

Sometimes you just have to scratch your head and walk away.... what are we thinking??



Who is the girl supposed to hope gets the message??



Anyone wanna share some thoughts on this one??

Dawn

Grateful for Pastor's Ponderings

As I mentioned yesterday... I am on a roll!

I am finding as I look through these photos albums that I have so many memories and so many feelings that I simply cannot put words to. And if I were to try, I would only mis-speak, stammer or put my foot in my mouth as in typical Dawn-like fashion!

So I am finding these music slide shows a good way to express what is in my heart without messing up with my words.

My pastor has been an integral part of our life-- he's like family.

In the (almost) 10 years we have been in this church, he has baptized my husband, all 3 of my children, prayed and cried with us through the loss of 7 babies in pregnancy, the death of brad's father and some other deeply wounding experiences.

We have a motto in our church..."we are doing LIFE together!"

Boy howdy! We've given him lots of LIFE to deal with! Pastor David is a sophisticated, slightly balding man, and I am most certain that our family has contributed greatly to the number of hairs on his head that have either turned gray or turned loose!

I have lost count of the life lessons that Pastor David has taught me that has changed the course I was going. These were life-changing lessons. He has seen me at my worst... He steered me through times of deep seated legalism that I needed to break free from. He has navigated me through "the valley of the shadow of death" where I teetered on slippery slope of losing hope... his words, his guidance, his prayers...and his constantly pointing back to Jesus has anchored me.

So as I was looking through more photos last night, I though I would make a video slide show as a tribute to my pastor.

There is a line in this song that really rings true for me where Pastor David is concerned. "Cheer up church...you are worse off than you think. But don't despair, do not fear, His grace is near."

Pastor has seen me in what I thought was my worst state ever-- but he was able to see far beyond the place where I thought I was ...and instinctively knew I was far worse off that what I was able to discern at that time. He is a true shepherd... he never scolded me. He never doubted me... He simply encouraged me to never forget the GRACE of God in all circumstances.

Pastor David is keenly aware that the congregation he shepherds in not HIS sheep, but GOD's sheep and he pastors us with a great stewardship of knowing that we belong to God.

So this one is for Pastor David...

Love, Dawn

PS...you should read his blog at www.pastordavidkerr.blogspot.com !!

A Tribute to My Husband: The Leader of the Band

OK...so I am on a roll. I am not sure why mixing family photos and memories to music has been very therapeutic lately...but it really has!

Tonight I spent some time thinking about my husband and how grateful I am for his never-ending devotion to our family. I have thought about how much of his life has been involved in mentoring and training other musicians. He is on his 3rd generation of musicians in the church who he has led, trained and discipled.

As I was looking through my photo albums and picture files, I came across photos of people that Brad has been directly involved in their musical training and/or leadership training. He truly has a living legacy of people he has shared his gifts with!

I have always heard Brad tell stories of those stolen moments of deep conversations with his father- things he still quotes to this day-- and just how significant a role his dad played in his life just by being available.

I know without a doubt that my husband would not be the man he is today if it had not been for the man his father raised him to become.

Generations will reap what my Mother and Father-in-law have sown into their 14 children!

I am forever grateful to the man who only had a third grade education and taught his "baker's dozen" more life lessons, manners, ethics and a vibrant faith in GOD than many a college educated person that felt there were better things to do than talk with children.

Of his 14 children, the majority all went on to higher education and professional careers and have happy and healthy families. My in-laws have 36 grandchildren!

I am just so very proud that Brad has so much likeness of his father. His character is pure gold.
I would like to share my husband and his heart with you. As you watch this slide show, you will see many of the people that Brad has invested his life. He is living a life well spent!

I love you Brad!

Forever, Dawn

In My Daughter's Eyes

I am trying my hand at making home videos again... this time I started thinking of all my daughter has come through and overcome and decided to make a video about her life and what she means to me.

Hope you enjoy her life as much as I do!!

Love, Dawn

Lost & Found: An Ode to My Back Bone

Well, summer is nearly upon us and I am not sure how this story will begin....

1. Once upon a time... or
2. It was a dark and stormy night...

If I have to be honest both answers may apply!

After my new found back bone growing stronger each day, I can see that this might be the fairy tale summer I always dreamed of...

Unfortunately for my kids, with my new found back bone, their summer may have a foreboding sense of ..."It was a dark and stormy night..."

In my attempt to curb my frustrations, I have chosen to use humor/satire to try and laugh some of this off... It is a work in progress though!

I have drawn great inspiration from 2 very influential men in my life... Martin Luther and Stephen Colbert!

These men had quite creative ways of making their thoughts known!

1. Nail the message to the door
2. The ON NOTICE board!

So hear is my rough draft. I will have to pray and soften the rough edges BEFORE I deliver the message to the kids, but for now I am just going to deal with the RAW emotions. I trust that God will give me the family friendly version when the time is right.

Right now, I am just enjoying knowing that I DO have a back bone and it does work!

So here we go...

ON NOTICE:

To my dear, sweet, precious children:

I hope you will always know that my LOVE for you is unconditional...but my PATIENCE is not. So in the hopes that we can have a great summer together, I am putting a few ground rules in place.

I am your MOTHER and I love you more than words can say. I am NOT merely a "female parental unit" as you so sweetly informed me recently. But if you prefer a "female parental unit" as opposed to your mother, I have made a call to the military boarding school in Houston and they have two openings for the fall. Sergeant Kimberly Scott will be happy to be your "Female parental unit. "

You should thank your grandma. She felt I was being a bit extreme when the phone call from the military school came through. I had to stop and admit, I was bit surprised myself that I went so far as to make the phone call! So if a "female parental unit" is what you desire, I can make that happen with just a short phone call and a student loan for you both. I aim to please!


But should you decide to stay with your mother this summer, there will be some significant changes.

You are far too intelligent and gifted to wile-away-the-hours this summer.



We are blessed to be a blessing to others! So this summer, since we were unable to send you on the foreign mission trip you so desired, we signed you up for home missions instead. I know you will be pleased. We have made arrangements with some people from Thailand and/or China to send us some equipment that will make your home missions work be the best experience it can possibly be for you. These people have worked hard to provide you with the best tools available for home missions work. I know you will be thankful for their sacrifice on your behalf. You are so very sensitive and understanding that way.

I am so looking forward to the many things we can do together this summer! I was thinking that maybe we could celebrate the missions work you will be doing by trying different recipes over the summer from various countries... maybe some from Mexico, Italy, and even Mongolia!

By the way, yesterday when you told me to "screw dinner" and that you were going to bed, it made me realize that you were struggling with some grammar issues. But since it is so close to summer, we will just save that for the fall. But I do promise that I will help you with your grammar because I would hate for you to be embarrassed in public by the misuse of language. English is difficult, but I have full confidence in your ability to over come this deficit! You sure make your mom proud!

My dear children, since we are on the topic of dinner, I wanted to let you know that I will be working with some doctors in the medical mission field this summer. My availability to make home cooked meals, as I did last night, will not happen often. But I assure you, I will take some of the support money you receive for your missions work and be sure and fill the freezer with meals you can fix without my assistance.



I know you had big dreams this summer about studying various modes of transportation, but I am proud that you are setting your own wishes aside to serve others in home missions. It is possible that come fall time, as we work on your grammar skills, that we might reconsider your desire to study modes of transportation again. There is just so much to do and so little time! Besides, we should be mindful of our environmental challenges in the world today and all the struggles that are going on overseas concerning transportation. Maybe we should remember those who are effected with a moment of silence.

My dear, precious children, I hope you know that your summer-of-service will be greatly rewarded! You will be very satisfied with the pride that comes with learning a good work-ethic. Since the study of transportation may be delayed, I wanted to let you know that our friends from Thailand and China have sent a temporary gift to tide you over until fall. I hope that you will remember to send them a thank-you card. They do so much, with so little in return, to insure your happiness.

I am forever BLESSED to be your MOTHER.
I love you all so very much!

Love, Mom
pre-Summer 2008

She's leaving on a Jet Plane

I made this home slide show for my family to have a montage of my niece who has moved to Germany to with her military husband.:

I hope this works....

Choose Your Battles (just need to rant)

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I was always told these words of wisdom were the key to good parenting: CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES!

"They" say choosing your battles will help your prioritize what is essential and what is preferred...and it will help you understand the difference.

"They" say don't make everything seem so urgent....

I want to know who "THEY" is that has suddenly become an expert on parenting in my home!!

If I could meet "THEY" today I would greet them the laying on of hands, suddenly and with great force upon their face!

Today I think "THEY" is/are an idiot!!

Remembering the ideals and values of my lost motherhood of yesteryear:

There was a time when I had great ideals of how I thought children should be raised. I did not want the television to rule our lives. I did not want video junkies for children, I wanted polite, respectful, and service oriented children that would understand the needs of others...so as parents we would model those values.

Then came the fateful day when a friend asked if she could give our children a game station as a gift. My first instinct was to say no, but I told her I would talk to Brad about it. Just the mention of a game station in the house made Brad look like a child a Christmas! I softened on the idea and thought it would some good family time...but we still had some limits...no TVs in the bedrooms because we did not want the kids to withdraw from the family and go into their own world of video zombies.

CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES, "They" say!!

Looking back, with great regrets, I wish that would have been a battle I chose to engage !!

I now live with video junkie children who seem to have lost some basic human kindness skills.

I am beyond frustrated this week. It just seems there was one incident after another. I was angry at the children, I was angry at myself, I was ready to declare a week of Irons Family UN-PLUGGED!! But the thought of the battle that would ensue after such a declaration...I retreated back to nursing my frustration and wondered how to remedy this nightmare.

Just today...Easter Sunday... I had arguments with the children this morning just to get them off the computers and to help get the ladder from the van into the garage so that we could transport everyone to church. It was as if I were invisible and they did not hear a word I said. So I raised my tone a little louder and made sure we made eye contact so that I KNOW they heard my request...and like true little zombies, they turned right back to their video game as if in a complete daze.

This frustration was only compounded by the fact that Brad and I made it very clear to them the night before that we would be leaving EARLY for church the next morning because I was tired and frustrated at being late each week because they wont get off the computer in time to get dressed and leave when I tell them it is time to leave. I give 30 minute, 10 minute and 5 minute warnings that we will be leaving...to no avail. When it is time to go I tell them I will be out in the van warming it up and to meet me out there. Often times I wait 10-15 minutes on them to finish getting ready.

I am relieved that scenario did not repeat itself this morning... but it was a battle just to get them off the computer to help get the ladder out of the van. At any rate, I still arrived at church frustrated and angry that every single thing is such a battle!!

After church today my mother had prepared a wonderful and delicious Easter celebration dinner. I had spent time yesterday making a special table cloth for the occasion. So between mom and I there had been a lot of thought put into our Easter dinner for the family.

The kids, drawn like a moth to the flame, made their way to the computers to finish their game, or go to the next level. Mom was still working in the kitchen. I asked the kids to help me set the table and got the "sure mom, just a minute" response. 20 minutes later I asked again for help to set the table and they mumbled something else but did not budge.

I finally gave up. I did not want yet ANOTHER battle this Easter Sunday. So I told her to just leave the plates on the counter and when they were ready to eat they could eat.

Of course, this was NOT the plan that we had envisioned in our mind with our new purple and lace table cloth with the Empty Tomb scene on the table-- so mom and I took our plates to the living room and ate alone.

The living room was a mess and Brad started cleaning it... something he should not have had to do had the kids bothered to clean up after themselves and their friends who left their fast food stuff all over the place. When I did ask them to go clean the living room, they were securely stuck to the computer...which ensued another battle.

I am angry at them. I am angry at myself. This selfish behavior is not how we raised them. At times I really think their personalities have changed as they have become more and more addicted to their video games.

This afternoon after I had had a nap, I was ready to put the curtains up that I have been working on. I cannot reach the top of the 9 foot windows and climbing a ladder is not a real safe option for someone my size with the balance issues I have. So I asked one of the kids to take 5 minutes and climb the ladder and simply hang the rods on the hooks.

You would have thought I had asked for them to donate a kidney to their worst enemy!

I just wanted 5 minutes of their time...and it really only took 5 minutes after they argued for 10 minutes about not wanting to do it and finally consented to do the job.

I remember back to the time when I had the CONVICTION that tv and video games would not rule our lives...and now I wish that had been a battle I had engaged in with a fierce fight.

It was like the proverbial frog boiling to death in the water pot... it seemed innocent enough at first... but more and more everything I had once worked so hard to instill in my children seemed to have been lost over time as they became completely engaged in some virtual reality of their video games.

I miss my children... at least the one's I used to know.

Now I KNOW how horrible that sounds! So now mix guilt into the already existing anger and I am just DREADING summer when they will be home full time!

I used to feel sad for parents that could not stand to have their kids home all summer...as I really enjoyed being with my kids! Those days have long gone and now I feel bad that I am one of those parents that I used to feel sad for!

Some feel content to write this off as just a normal teen age thing...

I feel there is a far deeper issue of character that is at stake... and I am at a loss as how to turn this Titanic issue around.

I am in desperate need of a parenting overhaul!!

Dawn